


Fix Me

by PogoChanXP



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: ADHD, Allura - Freeform, Alternate Universe - High School, Anxiety in general, Asperger Syndrome, Beware it's gonna be gay, Bipolar Disorder, But don't worry there'll be fluff, Depression, Eating Disorder, F/F, F/M, Female Pronouns for Pidge | Katie Holt, I mean they like each other at first glance but, I'd apologise but I'm a bitch, I'm gonna be dragging tears from your eyes, I'm gonna play with your feelings so bad, Im gonna freaking go fishing with happiness as the bait, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Jealous Keith (Voltron), Life is a bitch to these bois, M/M, Mega pining Keith (Voltron), OCD, Oh yeah there's swearing, Other, PTSD, Pidge just wants a gf, Pining Lance (Voltron), Probs gonna get depressing, So they're never actually together, Social Anxiety, Strap in kids, They're adults, They're all going through shit, They're all texting buddies, and coran, broganes, but i couldn't leave matt out, except shiro, for now;), in which Lance valiantly attempts to find out what a self esteem is, lol Lance gets a boyf, my poor boi needs luv, originally it was shiro/allura, slow burn???, sorry Lancey boi even I don't know that one, they're bros, who am I kidding, you shits better be ready
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-08
Updated: 2018-10-17
Packaged: 2018-12-12 20:11:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 51
Words: 48,748
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11744322
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PogoChanXP/pseuds/PogoChanXP
Summary: BlueSp00k: SUP HETEROSImAPidgeon: What the fuck did you just call me?!ItsNotAPhaseMom!: Wtf did you just call me?!





	1. Chapter One - And so it begins

** {BlueSp00k sent a message to All The Single Ladies} **

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _guys i just thought of smthing_

 

 **ImAPidgeon:** _dude its 3am_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _then whatre u doing here?_

 

 **ImAPidgeon:** _point taken continue_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _so apple has air_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _google has earth_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _and amazon has fire right?_

 

 **ImAPidgeon:** _yeah?_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _MICROSOFT SHOULD DO SOME SHIT WITH WATER_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _HOW SICK WOULD THAT BE_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _ELEMENTAL TECH_

 

 **ImAPidgeon:** _Lance when was the last time you slept?_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _idk like last tuseday_

 

 **ImAPidgeon:** _Tuesday*_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _Bitch*_

**ImAPidgeon:** _go to sleep idiot_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _cant i have to study_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _theres this test on the digestive system of a goat tmrw_

 

 **ImAPidgeon:** _you’re not gonna pass if you don’t sleep_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _……_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _you got me there_

 

 **ImAPidgeon:** _night Lance_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _gdnight Pidge_

 

Lance stares down at the phone in his hand, the words blurring together as his eyes lose focus. He knows he should sleep but the banging from downstairs has him flinching every few seconds, half expecting someone to come storming in and taking out their frustrations on him.

He grits his teeth and locks his phone, tucking it under his pillow before turning onto his sided. His eyes squeeze shut and that is how Lance spends the rest of the night. Alone in his room, listening to his parents screaming threats at each other from the room below.

 

\---------------------------------

**{BlueSp00k sent a message to All The Single Ladies}**

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _SUP HETEROS_

 

 **ImAPidgeon:** _What the fuck did you just call me?!_

 

 **ItsNotAPhaseMom!:** _Wtf did you just call me?!_

 

 **FoodNinja:** _Hey Lance_

 

 **LendAHand:** _*sigh* hello Lance_

 

 **ImAPidgeon:** _I’m genuinely offended_

 

 **ImAPidgeon:** _You have offended me_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _omg wait Hunk’s the only straight one here_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _Lol!_

 

 **FoodNinja:** _I am perfectly happy with my sexuality_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _More like ur perfectly happy with Shay ;^)_

 

 **ImAPidgeon:** _Ooooooh Hunk get some!_

 

 **FoodNinja:** _not funny_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _aw cmon buddy were proud of u_

 

 **ItsNotAPhaseMom!:** _im trying to do hw could you shut up_

 

 **LendAHand:** _you? Doing homework?_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _u know theres a mute rite?_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _Keith?_

 

 **FoodNinja:** _I think he found the mute_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _R00d!!!!_

 

 **LendAHand:** _I mean it was only a matter of time_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _i came here to have a good time and im honestly feeling so attacked_

 

 **ImAPidgeon:** _Coz we care about your feelings_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _double r00d!!!!_

** {BlueSp00k has changed the chat name to SaveLancesFeelings} **

 

** {ImAPidgeon has changed the chat name to WhosLance} **

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _woah thats deep_

 

 **LendAHand:** _oh god what have you done_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _who am I really?_

 

 **ImAPidgeon:** _I see my mistake_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _what does it really mean to be Lance?_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _am I anything more than a meme factory?_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _or is that all ill ever be?_

 

** {ItsNotAPhaseMom! Has changed the chat name to ShutUpINeedToPassMyClasses} **

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _dude the mute_

 

 **ItsNotAPhaseMom!:** _I couldn’t find it_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _wait so u were just ignoring us?_

 

 **ItsNotAPhaseMom!:** _yeah_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _TRIPLE R00D!!!_

 

 **ImAPidgeon:** _get rekt!_

 

 **LendAHand:** _Pidge honey_

 

 **LendAHand:** _I love you but if you say that again your disowned_

 

 **ImAPidgeon:** _THE REBELLION IS NYE_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _BILL BYE THE SCIENCE GUY_

 

 **FoodNinja:** _children please_

 

 **ItsNotAPhaseMom!:** _this friendship was a mistake_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _too late to back out now_

 

 **ImAPidgeon:** _ur stuck with us now bitch_

 

 **FoodNinja:** _hey Lance my mums making shrimp empanadas_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _say no more ill be there in two shakes of a lambs tail_

 

 **ImAPidgeon:** _who even says that anymore?_

 

 **ItsNotAPhaseMom!:** _Lance apparently_

 

 **ImAPidgeon:** _Ugh Matt stole my xbox controller again_

 

 **ItsNotAPhaseMom!:** _throw something at him_

 

 **ItsNotAPhaseMom!:** _steal his tv_

 

 **ItsNotAPhaseMom!:** _steal his door_

 

 **LendAHand:** _Keith no!_

 

 **FoodNinja:** _….Keith chill_

 

 **ItsNotAPhaseMom!:** _C-C-C-CMON C-C-C-CMON GO GO_

 

 **ImAPidgeon:** _you triggered him_

 

 **ImAPidgeon:** _you awakened his inner theatre geek_

 

 **LendAHand:** _God save us all_

 

** {ItsNotAPhaseMom! Has changed their name to SquipforPrez} **

 

 **LendAHand:** _Keith WHY_

 

 **SquipforPrez:** _I will fight for my computer boi_

 

 **FoodNinja:** _pls don’t_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Theres not gonna be much angst for a while. Or any gay. Not much other than texts probs tbh. But the story will develop I swear! Be More Chill is an amazing musical 10/10 recommend for angst and gay. You can pry theatre Keith from my cold dead hands.


	2. Chapter Two - Mornings with the Mcclains

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance is good bro, Hunk is mother, Pidge is worried and Keith is kinda an asshole.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heeeeey so I wasn't actually planning on updatin this but then my brain went fuck you and your priorities so here we are. With my luck this story will start going somewhere and then I'll stop writing but for now ENJOY!

To say that Lance was tired Monday morning would be an understatement. His eyes were drooping, his head was foggy and somewhere along the way to the kitchen he had lost a sock. Any hope of today being a good day is gone when he sees his father standing behind the counter, a bottle of beer in his hand as always. It seemed he had one permanently stuck to his hand and it just kept getting refilled. Lance made sure he carefully poured the milk into his bowl, only giving himself the bare amount necessary, causing him to have slightly too dry cereal.

 

Once he finishes eating he washes his bowl and leaves it to dry, silently tiptoeing around his father and upstairs to wake his siblings. The only reason he still sticks around in this shithole is for his little brothers and sister. Mateo, Nicholas and Adrien were first to be woken, all three sharing a room with a bunk and a single bed. The boys grumble and groan but Lance just gives them a charming smile and sends them into the bathroom to get ready.

Next is little Emily. Lance of course loves all his siblings equally but Emily is the baby of the family, meaning she holds a soft place in his heart. He crouches beside her bed and moves so that he is eye level with the sleeping girl’s cheek. Then with the speed of a cat he’s scooped her up into his arms, delivering morning kisses all over her face. Emily squeals in glee and begs for mercy.

 

This is their usual morning, their small piece of happiness that they have inside this house. The teen knows that soon this won’t be enough, that soon the young children will learn just how messed up their family is; but for now he will allow himself to savour their limited time of ignorance.

A loud slam from downstairs has Lance propping Emily up on his hip and running down, finding Nicholas on the ground and their father standing over him with a face of rage. Lance’s heart drops.

“El burro sabe mas que tu! You made a mess! Gilipollas!” That tone of voice he’s using. It sends chills down the teen’s back but he needs to step in before Nicholas gets hurt.

“Papa, he didn’t mean to.” Oh god now those eyes are on him. He can feel the unkempt fire of anger burning within those eyes and he knows that he’ll pay for this later. At least for now he can do something. “Nicky c’mon let’s get dressed. We need to get to school.” Lance rushes over to his brother, lifting the 10 year old to his feet and hurrying him up the stairs.

 

His father’s dark brown eyes and curled lip snarl at him. “We’ll talk about this later _hijo_.” If Lance weren’t so terrified he might have been proud of how calm he looked on the outside. He gave his father a respectful nod and followed the children to their bedrooms where he helped them prepare for the day. Nicholas approaches Lance hesitantly while the younger ones are busy and grabs a hold of the teen’s forearm.

“Lancey, what did papa mean? Is he gonna get angry at you?” Lance can feel his heart breaking at the fear inside his brother’s eyes. His siblings should never have to feel such negative emotion in a place where they should feel safe. He kneels down and places his hands on the boy’s shoulders, locking their eyes together.

“You have nothing to worry about Nicky, I’ll be fine.” He wasn’t lying. As long as he has them to wake up for everyday he would get through. He would hike through hell and back for these kids.

Dropping the children off at school was the easiest part of their day, all of them knowing better than to cause trouble so early in the day. It’s when he reaches his own school that the day seems to drag along more slowly, something he’s more than happy with. He digs into his pocket and extracts his phone, finding a small number of texts in the group chat already.

 

** {FoodNinja sent a message to ShutUpINeedToPassMyClasses} **

 

 **FoodNinja:** _hey guys sorryI won’t be at school today_

 

 **FoodNinja:** _Kalena’s sick and mom has to work_

 

Lance cringes at the thought of an entire day of school without his only friend.

 

 **ImAPidgeon:** _that’s fine_

 

 **SquipforPrez:** _hope she gets better I guess_

 

 **ImAPidgeon:** _guess Lance left already??_

 

 **SquipforPrez:** _or he finally got some sleep_

 

 **LendAHand:** _I doubt it_

 

 **ImAPidgeon:** _on that topic why the fuck isn’t he sleeping_

 

 **FoodNinja:** _idk I mean he told me some stuff about his parents fighting so maybe that’s keeping him up or something_

 

 **SquipforPrez:** _woah not everything’s perfect in the McClain household?_

 

Lance can see a few more messages calling Keith out on his comment but all he can focus on are those words. They repeat themselves in his head, over and over until he doesn’t think they’ll ever leave. _Not everything’s perfect in the McClain household._

 

AP math is perhaps the most boring class Lance has ever had. He’s almost fallen asleep on his desk twice now and its only ten minutes into the lesson. He takes a quick glance down at his phone, noticing an abundance of texts from Pidge, Shiro and Hunk telling him all about how Keith was out of line and that they talked to him about it. Honestly Lance doesn’t even care about what Keith said. Hell he was completely right, it was the fear that they would find out what’s really wrong that had lance ignoring their messages.

It’s almost five minutes later when Lance gives up and opens the chats, sending quick assurances to the two that he’s fine. If there’s one thing Lance hates it’s when people are worried about him.

He’s about to close his phone and return to his boring math work when he receives a new message from the one and only Keith. Part of him says not to open it, that he has a right to be angry with the boy but a stronger part of him says that Keith wasn’t meaning for it to sound like that. One quiet whisper in the corner of his mind says he deserves it but he ignores it, he’s gotten good at ignoring that voice. From the corner of his eye he catches sight of the mullethead and upon seeing his begging face, sighs and checks to see what he said.

 

** {SquipforPrez sent a private message to BlueSp00k} **

 

 **SquipforPrez:** _im so sorry man I stg i didn’t mean it_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _Shouldn’t you be busy being surprised everything’s not ‘perfect’ in the McClain household?_

 

 **SquipforPrez:** _lance im so sorry dude_

 

 **SquipforPrez:** _I didn’t mean it like that_

 

 **SquipforPrez:** _its just your always talking about how great your family is_

 

 **SquipforPrez:** _and im a childish douchebag who cant just be happy that his friends are happy_

 

 **SquipforPrez:** _it was a dick move to say that and ive been getting lectured all day about it_

 

 **SquipforPrez:** _it was perhaps the most asshole move ive ever made and I regret ever even saying it_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _….._

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _I mean I wouldn’t say that was the most asshole thing you’ve said_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _you were kinda a dick before we became friends_

 

 **SquipforPrez:** _yeah but its not like you were a fucking angel_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _ExcUSE_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _ill have you know I was the epitome of friendly_

 

 **SquipforPrez:** _you were hitting on three girls at once_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _theres nothing wrong with flirting with multiple people_

 

 **SquipforPrez:** _It was all in the same chatroom…_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _………_

 

 **SquipforPrez:** _ha I win_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _I mean sure you win the ‘who was more of an asshole adolescent award’_

 

 **SquipforPrez:** _that doesn’t even make sense_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _shut up it makes loads of sense!_

 

 **SquipforPrez:** _only to you doofus_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _OMG DUDE TOTAL EPIPHANY RN_

 

 **SquipforPrez:** _???_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _Imagine getting a QR code tattoo and when you die and they scan it they’ll get Rickroll’d_

 

 **SquipforPrez:** _Lance dude go to bed_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _but what if_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _just imagine their faces_

 

 **SquipforPrez:** _are you tired or high? I cant tell?_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _nah I don’t do drugs_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _apart from that one time I took some cold medicine when I wasn’t sick_

 

 **SquipforPrez:** _badass_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _IKRRRR_

 

 **SquipforPrez:** _now go to bed_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _cant im at school_

 

 **SquipforPrez:** _sleep in the library_

 

 **SquipforPrez:** _im serious_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _nah ill be fine until I get home_

 

 **SquipforPrez:** _that’s five hours away_

 

 **SquipforPrez:** _your gonna die_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _ah the sweet release of death I crave~_

 

 **SquipforPrez:** _don’t morbidly meme me_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _u cant tell me wat to do mom!_

 

 **SquipforPrez:** _im not mother_

 

 **SquipforPrez:** _squip is mother_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _TRUE DAT_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _btw I don’t think ive complimented your new username yet_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _id say im proud but the squip was a condescending douchebag_

 

 **SquipforPrez:** _YOU WANNA GO M8!!!!?_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _JEREMY HAD ANXIETY HE DIDN’T NEED THE SQUIP ADDING TO HIS SELF-HATRED_

 

 **SquipforPrez:** _THE SQUIP WAS JUST BEHAVING AS HE WAS CREATED TO_

 

 **SquipforPrez:** _AINT HIS FAULT THE ONLY WAY JEREMY WOULD GET LAID IS IF EVERYONE GOT SQUIPPED_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _BOI I WILL MESS U UP_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _JEREMY COULD GET ANYONE HE WANED_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _HE JUST DECIDED HE WANTED MY SWEET BEAN CHRISTINE_

 

 **SquipforPrez:** _still salty he didn’t end up with Michael_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _SAME_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _theyre so gay for each other_

 

 **SquipforPrez:** _ive never related more tbh_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _oooooooh whats that supposed to mean?_

 

 **SquipforPrez:** _what?_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _did you just accidentally confess to liking someone??_

 

 **SquipforPrez:** _…._

 

 **SquipforPrez:** _shit_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _Who?! Who?! Who?!_

 

 **SquipforPrez:** _NOBODY!_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _NO ITS SOMEBODY!_

 

 **SquipforPrez:** _fuck off I wasn’t planning on even telling you in the first place about this_

 

 **BlueSpook:** _whaaaaat?! Whyyyyy_

 

 **SquipforPrez:** _coz then id have to deal with your nonstop teasing and annoying pickup lines._

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _*whistles* well someone’s moody_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _ah gtg teacher’s searching the class for phones_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _bye Keithy ;^)_

 

 **SquipforPrez:** _its Keith not Keithy_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _whatever you say loverboy~_

 

Suffice to say Lance feels better after their talk, relieved that Keith so easily allowed them to go back to their usual banter. One of his biggest worries was that everyone would start treating him like cracked glass. Thankfully they seem to understand when he changes the subject, that’s gotten him out of a lot of close calls in which his problems would have been exposed.

But now, listening to Mr Sweats drone on about some complex math problem he can’t be bothered solving, Lance can feel his eyes sliding shut all on their own. On any other day he would have tried harder to stay awake, but his father was angry with him and he knows he’s going to need all the sleep he can get before he goes home this afternoon.

A mad father was one thing, Lance just hopes his mother isn’t home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lance would be an amazing brother don't even lie. Like he would sit with you when you're sad and drink some hot chocolate, he'd gossip about boys and girls, make jokes to make you laugh and AAAAH I LOVE MY BLUE BOI SO MUCH!!!!!


	3. Chapter Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoaaaaa! Two chapters in one night?! I'm so wild! IMPORTANT: So Pidge (the little lesbian) is gonna need a girlfriend at some point in this story. The reason I'm bringing this to attention now is because I enjoy making people second guess everything. Anyway so this chick is gonna be an oc but I've literally got way too many of my own at this point. SO! If any of you guys would like to suggest an oc to me, that'd be super chill. I'll put credit to the creator and dedicate the chapter to them as well.

** {FoodNinja has changed the chat name to HELPPPP} **

 

 **FoodNinja:** _OKAY SO WHOOPS_

 

 **LendAHand:** _that sounds like a bad whoops_

 

 **FoodNinja:** _HAHAHAHAHAHA_

 

 **ImAPidgeon:** _Hunk what did you do?_

 

 **FoodNinja:** _AAAAAAAAAAH_

 

 **FoodNinja:** _WHY IS THE ONLY ONE OF US WITH ANY EXPERIENCE WITH GIRLS NOT ONLINE RN_

 

 **ImAPidgeon:** _girls? Hunk wtf man_

 

 **FoodNinja:** _SHAY ASKED ME TO THE MOVIES AND I TOTALLY BLANKED_

 

 **FoodNinja:** _IVE FUCKED UP_

 

 **ImAPidgeon:** _whos Shay?_

 

 **SquipforPrez:** _Shay?_

 

 **LendAHand:** _ooooooh some juicy goss_

 

 **SquipforPrez:** _Shiro why_

 

 **FoodNinja:** _shes this really pretty really sweet girl I met when Lance and I were getting ice cream the other day and she goes to our school and shes so freaking amazing and I really like her but I messed everything up by telling her that im super busy right now and now I need Lance to help me fix it PLEASEEEEE_

 

 **ImAPidgeon:** _jesus Christ thats a mess_

 

 **FoodNinja:** _: (_

 

 **ImAPidgeon:** _ok I guess we need to find Lance_

 

 **LendAHand:** _would he still be in school?_

 

 **FoodNinja:** _school ended an hour ago and he doesn’t have extracurriculars_

 

 **FoodNinja:** _ive tried texting him but he’s not picking up_

 

 **FoodNinja:** _ugh great now im gonna lose my one chance at happiness and live alone as a hermit_

 

 **LendAHand:** _Hunk just calm down im sure itll all be fine_

 

 **FoodNinja:** _but what if it wont_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _hey guys sorry I was gone so long_

 

 **FoodNinja:** _LANCE!!!!!_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _*finger guns*_

 

 **FoodNinja:** _I messed up with Shayyyyyy_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _buddy ur fine_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _tell her u were nervous and read the wrong date for ur ‘plans’_

 

 **FoodNinja:** _but if I say that ill look lame_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _Hunk man trust me_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _this girl is into u_

 

 **BlueSp00k _:_** _u have my blessings_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _now go young padawan_

 

 **SquipforPrez:** _is that gonna work?_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _hell yeah its gonna work_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _the dating world is the one place I can confidently give advice_

 

 **FoodNinja:** _WERE GOIN OUT FO R BURGESR THIS FIRDYA1!1!!1!!!_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _told u u could do it_

 

 **FoodNinja:** _IM GOING OUN A DATE?!?!?!_

 

 **ImAPidgeon:** _that advice worked?_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _coarse it did_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _shit I gotta go_

 

 **SquipforPrez:** _where?_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _sorry bye_

 

 **FoodNinja:** _but Lance I need to scream to you_

 

 **FoodNinja:** _Lance?_

 

 **ImAPidgeon:** _well he left in a hurry_

 

 **SquipforPrez:** _only just got here too_

 

Keith furrows his eyebrows as he stares at the screen of his phone, confused about why Lance left. What could have made him leave so suddenly? A bad feeling started in Keith’s chest but he pushed it away. If something was wrong Lance would tell them, right? Right. He knows they’ll be there for him, no matter what.

 

 **FoodNinja:** _ok so what should I wear on the date???_

 

Even if there was something wrong, they’d just have to wait for Lance to tell them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These tired thoughts that Lance has should really be given more thought honestly like he could be a mini genius gawd. (Ignore me I'm very tired.)


	4. Chapter Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ughhhh I hate that I love this story so much.

A hand reaches out to Lance and slaps the phone out of his hand, thankfully after he closed the group chat. That same hand grabs the collar of his shirt and pulls him to his feet, coming face to face with his father.

“You thought I’d forget about this morning? You disrespectful runt! After all I’ve done for you, you have the gal to talk back?!” His father shakes him roughly, leaving no room for the boy to speak. “You’re worthless! Useless! Good for nothing! You just sit in my home and eat my food! What do you have to say for yourself?!”

“N-nothing Papa”

“Callar! I’m going to hit you so hard, you’ll wish you were never born!” ‘ _Bit late for that_ ’ Lance thinks but dutifully keeps his mouth shut like his father ordered and listens as the threats and insults pile up. “Feo baboso! You’re nothing more than scum!”

It surprises Lance when the first punch comes, his cheek feeling uncomfortably warm before the pain hits. If his father weren’t still holding the front of his shirt Lance is sure he would have been knocked onto his ass, but that isn’t the case for it seems his father has more in store.

 

He did, as it turns out. It’s nearly an hour later when Lance is finally left alone in his room, nothing more than a whimpering mess after his father’s punishment. The older man slams the door shut behind him with his last words being a warning for his son not to steal food tonight, as though feeding his children is such a difficult job for him to have to do.

“Que te den, cabrón” Lance mutters under his breath, being sure not to let his father hear. That’s the last thing he needs.

It takes some time and effort but Lance manages to drag himself over to his phone and unlock it, happy to find the group chat being spammed by Pidge’s memes. His friends always distract him from what’s really happening in his life, they pull him out of his dark thoughts and help him find reasons to keep going, even if they don’t know it.

He reads through what he’s missed, only feeling slightly guilty for leaving them so abruptly before he types in a greeting. Quickly he’s bombarded by texts and he can finally forget about his problems and be happy, if only for a moment.

 

 **ImAPidgeon:** _Lance!_

 

 **FoodNinja:** _Dude youre back!_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _yea sorry Em spilled glitter everywhere_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _u no how much of a pain that is to clean_

 

 **ImAPidgeon:** _lol sucks to be you_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _whaat? Are u kidding? Being me is great_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _with this beautiful face and my outstanding wit, the chicks just can’t stay away_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _or the dudes ; ^ )_

 

 **ImAPidgeon:** _that’s pretty gay_

 

 **SquipforPrez:** _coming from the lesbian_

 

 **ImAPidgeon:** _SHUT UP YOU GAY_

 

 **SquipforPrez:** _I WILL NOT BE SILENCED_

 

 **FoodNinja:** _guys lets not fight_

 

 **LendAHand:** _Hunk’s right guys_

 

 **SquipforPrez:** _WE MUST BAND TOGETHER TO FIGHT THE HETEROS_

 

 **ImAPidgeon:** _THE HOMO WILL PREVAIL_

 

 **FoodNinja:** _im being ATTACKED_

 

 **FoodNinja:** _Shiro help!!!_

 

 **LendAHand:** _well look at the time I have a meeting with my fridge_

 

 **FoodNinja:** _Lance help!_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _sorry bro the bi must not pick sides_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _we are at piece with both sexualities and can find ourselves a home in both worlds_

 

 **ImAPidgeon:** _you get free cookies with us_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _tempting but no. u cant bribe the bi with things his bestie can make_

 

 **ImAPidgeon:** _fuck you and your shitty spelling. Its peace not piece_

 

 **BlueSp00k _:_** _its bitch not pidge!_

 

 **ImAPidgeon:** _BITCH ISNT AN INSULT IF ITS HOW I IDENTIFY_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _SPELLING DOESN’T MATTER IF IM FUCKING SPANISH_

 

 **ImAPidgeon:** _IT DOES MATTER YOU DOLT IT’S THE LANGUAGE PREFERENCE OF THE WORLD_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _YOURE A LANGUAGE PREFERENCE OF THE WORLD_

 

 **ImAPidgeon:** _THANK YOU_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _UR FCKING WELCOME_

 

 **SquipforPrez:** _im once again questioning why I chose you shits as my friends_

 

 **LendAHand:** _oh please like u had other options_

 

 **SquipforPrez:** _FUCK YOU I HAD LOTS OF OPTIONS_

 

 **LendAHand:** _the conspiracy books u own don’t count_

 

 **SquipforPrez:** _…….._

 

 **LendAHand:** _that’s what I thought_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so the angst begins. What's wrong with Lance? It's an hour after school, shouldn't he be doing homework? Lol just kidding, what's that? Expect random updates at times you wouldn't expect for sure. Hey guess what, I'm not spanish! Therefore I cannot perfectly give spanish words and sentences. Please don't hate me I am also trying my best.
> 
> "Feo" = Ugly
> 
> "Baboso" = Retard (I hate this word)
> 
> "Callar" = "Shut up"
> 
> “Que te den, cabrón” = “Fuck yours, ass” or “Up yours, bastard” basically that.
> 
> I had trouble with this chapter because I wasn't sure how I was going to be writing the abuse. At first I had planned for Lance's life to be super dark but that affected me too much so I settled for the dad being the main source of emotional damage. The mum will come in later and for now I'm planning on her being terrible. But we'll see, plans change.
> 
> Also sorry it's so short. I know some of you want these to be longer and I'm working on that, don't worry.


	5. Chapter Five

Now some could say that Keith is a lone wolf. They wouldn’t be wrong. Others would say he’s a jerk. Once again not wrong. But what Keith must disagree with are the rumours about him not having any friends. He can safely say that Pidge, Hunk and Lance are his friends and his brother’s his friend. He doesn’t understand why they’re ignored for being smart. They treat his friends as though they don’t exist, when they about the only positive thing in Keith’s life.

Ah yes, positivity. It’s something he’s been chasing for years, ever since he entered middle school. Positivity and happiness, two things he’s wanted but has been refused for so many years. Of course he’s managed to find small moments where life isn’t shit but until now he hasn’t actually been happy. But now he has his friends, the ones his school feels the need to hate.

That’s how he ended up where he is now, hiding in a bathroom stall and trying to block out the shouts from in the hall. It’s a regular occurrence for Keith to be bullied by his classmates, it’s something he’s had to get used to since coming out as gay.

But this, now, is the worst that it’s been in a while. All he had wanted was to prove them wrong, to take pride in the people he has come to accept as part of his fam-….. Well as part of his life. A big part of his life. However it had all backfired, he’s not even sure what went wrong and it all happened so quickly. First he was gathering up the courage to walk over to Damien (his number one tormentor) and the next said boy was shoving him against a locker and calling him a fag.

God Keith hates that word. Fag. It’s just a word, why does it cut him so deep just hearing it? If the bell for class hadn’t rung Keith would have been given more than just as a shove but you wouldn’t see him complaining. He had ran off to the bathrooms and has been there ever since. It’s nearing the end of the day and he knows if Damien finds him then he won’t get out of it again. God why couldn’t he just be normal!

Normal. Whatever the fuck that is. All he knows is that everyone else is and he isn’t, therefore he must be the one who’s weird. He’s the one who needs help, he’s the one who’s out of the loop. He’s the one who needs to change. He needs to change to fit their standards or they won’t accept him. What complete bullshit. Why should he have to pretend to be something he’s not? Why should he hide who he is just to please people he doesn’t even like? Why would he do that when the people who really matter to him like him the way he is now?

Why the fuck would he give up what he already has?

Because all these people act like they know him, they act like he’s just some retard who can’t get his life under control but they’re wrong. He **_does_** have friends, he **_does_** have interests and they don’t know him at all. Yeah his life is a mess but whose isn’t? The point is that he’s trying and even when he has to deal with shit like Damien he hasn’t given up.

So Keith sits on the lid of a dingy school toilet and wipes his frustrated tears away because he refuses to cry over this shit again. Because Damien’s a dick, school sucks, people are terrible and he’ll always have to deal with the judgemental eyes on his back as they watch him kiss another man; but he has Pidge and Hunk, the two most amazing friends. He has Shiro, a brother who even though he isn’t always there will always have his back. And he has Lance, oh god how he loves that he has Lance. Lance the gorgeous boy he met over Spacehunt; a shitty game based off of their favourite show Voltron. Lance the hilarious boy who no matter what always manages to get Keith to crack a smile. Lance the very outspoken bisexual who Keith has become so very gay for. Lance who is unknowingly Keith’s support pillar.

God he’s so smitten for Lance.


	6. Chapter Six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's not much I can say about this one. I've been writing this during class so whoops my bad. What else would I do here?Learn?

Maybe he should have thought more about how he was going to hide the very obvious injuries on his face but at the time all Lance could focus on was his friends. He can admit he regrets that now. It’s 8:46 and he’s already been asked about it countless times. He’s repeated the same lie; how he was riding his bike and lost control as he was going down a hill. People soaked it up quickly and it isn’t until he meets up with Hunk and the others during homeroom that he actually worries about it.

“Dude what happened to your face?!” Hunk asks, his eyes widening with concern. Lance gives him a smile.

“Lost control of my bike, no biggie.”

“No biggie? Lance you look like someone just beat you with a hammer.” He fights back a wince because he isn’t far from the truth and instead lets out a laugh.

“Nah you know me Pide, killer pain tolerance. You should have seen Ma’s face though, she flipped.”

“I’ll bet she did. Honestly if I was your parent I’d be exhausted. You’re so accident prone it’s unbelievable.” Another laugh, this one quieter.

“Yeah” and with that the subject is dropped. “Anyway so how’s Kalena doing?”

“Oh she’s fine. She had a bad cough over the weekend and yesterday Mum just wanted to make sure she’d be okay.”

“That’s good then, Emily wouldn’t stop talking about how boring it is without Kalena in class. Dios mio, is this how people feel when around us because now I’m rethinking every moment I’ve talked about you guys.” This earns a loud laugh from them and just like that their conversation seems to speed through, words coming easier without Hunk’s worry interfering. Honestly Lance loves the boy but his heart is too big. He doesn’t deserve such great friends.

 

 

Its lunchtime when the group have the chance to talk again, hiding themselves in the corner of the library and pulling their phones out.

“Ya know Hunk” Lance says offhandedly, “we spend more time talking to each other on the chat than in person.”

“Yeah I guess, but that’s because this school sucks and people would probably eavesdrop.” Lance gives a grunt of agreement before turning his attention to the chat.

 

**{BlueSp00k sent a message to HELPPPP}**

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _so how are ur days going?_

 

 **ImAPidgeon:** _same as usual, making people jealous by being a genius_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _make me proud Pidgey_

 

 **ImAPidgeon:** _> _>_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _wat about u Keith_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _how u doing_

 

 **SquipforPrez:** _oh you know hiding in a bathroom coz our schools full of homophobes_

 

 **SquipforPrez:** _also im pretty sure I just signed my own death wish so_

 

 **FoodNinja:** _dude school sucks_

 

 **SquipforPrez:** _no shit_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _to be fair tho all schools suck_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _god I hate highschool_

 

 **SquipforPrez:** _god same_

 

 **ImAPidgeon:** _did anyone see the application for the Garrison?!?!?!_

 

 **ImAPidgeon:** _because this is some serious shit like wow!!!!_

 

 **ImAPidgeon:** _theyre accepting a handful of students as scholars!!!!!_

 

 **ImAPidgeon:** _I want in so bad!!!_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _go for it_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _ull totally get in_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _Hunk u and Keith should try for it 2_

 

 **SquipforPrez:** _really??_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _hell yeah_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _if you guys got accepted into Garrison Tech then Ur futures would be solid_

 

 **FoodNinja:** _well what about you_

 

 **FoodNinja:** _you should try to get into the Garrison as well Lance_

 

 **ImAPidgeon:** _Yeah!!! OMG GUYS WHAT IF WE ALL GOT IN JUST IMAGINE_

 

 **ImAPidgeon:** _WED BE ATTENDING OUR DREAM SCHOOL TOGETHER_

 

 **SquipforPrez:** _Pidge calm down we don’t even know if were all gonna apply_

 

 **ImAPidgeon:** _YOUD FUCKING BETTER_

 

 **ImAPidgeon:** _I WONT HAVE MY FRIENDS SELLING THEMSELVES SHORT_

 

 **ImAPidgeon:** _YOUR ALL FUCKING BRILLIANT AND YOULL TOTALLY GET IN IF YOU TRY_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _wow Pidge careful ur turning soft_

 

 **ImAPidgeon:** _IM NOT SOFT YOU HALF EATEN CHEESE STICK_

 

 **FoodNinja:** _don’t worry Lance is just saying that to distract you from the fact that hes currently crying beside me_

 

 **FoodNinja:** _praise kink?_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _fuk u 2 buddy_

 

 **FoodNinja:** _no thanks that’s gay_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _DUD U JUTS_

 

 **SquipforPrez:** _omg Hunk_

 

 **ImAPidgeon:** _YOU JUST SASSED HIM OMG_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _HUNK IM SO PROUD?????_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _like were gonna talk about ur attitude later young man but you just gave me sass_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _it only took 7 years of friendship_

 

 **FoodNinja:** _guys >.<_

 

 **ImAPidgeon:** _we’ve done it. We’ve corrupted the pure_

 

 **SquipforPrez:** _all we need is the blood of a virgin and the ritual is complete_

 

 **FoodNinja:** _use Lance_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _HUNK_

 

 **ImAPidgeon:** _IM SCREAMING OMG_

 

 **SquipforPrez:** _screenshots have been taken_

 

 **FoodNinja:** _^.^_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _don’t use ur cutesy emoticons on me_

 

 **FoodNinja:** _^.^_

 

 **FoodNinja:** _I love you guys!_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _……fuck_

 

 **ImAPidgeon:** _HISS_

 

 **SquipforPrez:** _ew feelings_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _lol wat r those_

 

 **FoodNinja:** _god Nevermind I take it back_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have had like three hours sleep help me. Save me from this nightmare. My laptop is almost flat, I'm halfway through the day and I'm bleeding out of my FUCKING UTERUS!!!!!!! I'd apologize for this being so short but I don't give a shit rn. I might post more later if I get down to it. Idk.


	7. Chapter Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so tired. I just had an hour nap but now I'm even more tired.... Ughhh. So yeah enjoy this I guess.

** {ImAPidgeon sent a message to HELPPPP} **

 

 **LendAHand:** _jfc I go to work and come back to this_

 

 **LendAHand:** _I missed savage Hunk how unfair_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _sucks to b u brochacho_

 

 **ImAPidgeon:** _but you were the one being insulted_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _…._

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _tath was my clone_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _Lonce_

 

 **SquipforPrez:** _Lonce?_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _yes_

 

 **ImAPidgeon:** _ok yall I sent in my application_

 

 **FoodNinja:** _so did I_

 

 **FoodNinja:** _Lance? Keith?_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _Pidge did you just unironicaly use ‘yall’_

 

 **ImAPidgeon:** _so what if I did_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _stop trying to be Texan_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _thats Keiths job_

 

 **SquipforPrez:** _howdy_

 

 **ImAPidgeon:** _so did you guys apply for the Garrison???_

 

 **SquipforPrez:** _yep_

 

 **ImAPidgeon:** _Lance?_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _idk if I should…._

 

 **ImAPidgeon:** _WHAT_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _don’t get mad_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _its just maybe its better if I just stick to normal school_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _im not like u guys_

 

 **FoodNinja:** _Lance c’mon man_

 

 **ImAPidgeon:** _SHUT YOUR FACE_

 

 **ImAPidgeon:** _LANCE MCCLAIN YOU ARE A GENIUS AND I WONT HAVE YOU TALKING SHIT ABOUT YOURSELF_

 

 **ImAPidgeon:** _THE GARRISON IS THE PERFECT PLAEC FOR YOU AND YOU WOULD BE ACCEPTED SO FAST I STG_

 

 **ImAPidgeon:** _THIS SCHOOL WOULD BE LUCKY TO HAVE YOU_

 

 **LendAHand:** _ok Pidge is right but in a less aggressive way_

 

 **LendAHand:** _Lance your really smart. Maybe you can’t see it but you are and if you applied then this would be everything you would need for your future_

 

 **FoodNinja:** _yeah man ive known you all my life, youre insanely smart_

 

 **SquipforPrez:** _what they said_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _thanks guys_

 

 **FoodNinja:** _please please please apply for the Garrison???_

 

 **FoodNinja:** _even if you don think youll get in at least youll have the chance_

 

 **ImAPidgeon:** _they worded it better than me but yeah_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _ok fien ill apply_

 

 **ImAPidgeon:** _WOOOOO_

 

 **SquipforPrez:** _Yeet_

 

 **FoodNinja:** _…..._

 

 **LendAHand:** _……._

 

 **ImAPidgeon:** _……_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _im sh00k!!!_

 

 **SquipforPrez:** _what?_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _you just did a internet_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _:3_

 

 **SquipforPrez:** _?????_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _accept my praise Keith_

 

 **SquipforPrez:** _fine god_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _yay!_

 

 **ImAPidgeon:** _ew_

 

 **FoodNinja:** _c’mon Pidge leave them alone_

 

 **Bluesp00k:** _??_

 

 **SquipforPrez:** _???_

 

 **LendAHand:** _ah young love_

 

 **SquipforPrez:** _WHAT_

 

 **SquipforPrez:** _HAHAHA WTF YOU TALKING ABOUT OLD MAN_

 

 **FoodNinja:** _you guys are adorable~~~_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _ahem_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _like you and Shay?_

 

** {FoodNinja has left the chat} **

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _thats what I thought_

 

 **ImAPidgeon:** _he fought in a war he wouldn’t win_

 

 **ImAPidgeon:** _rip Hunk_

 

** {BlueSp00k has added FoodNinja to the chat} **

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _boi wear the f u goin_

 

 **SquipforPrez:** _**where_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _HOW DARE_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _I FOUGHT FOR YOU KEITH_

 

 **SquipforPrez:** _you should fight for English lessons_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _YOU SHOULD FUCK OFF_

 

 **SquipforPrez:** _salty much_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _DON’T SPEAK TO ME U ANGST TRAIN_

 

 **SquipforPrez:** _dumbass_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _ugly mullet!_

 

 **ImAPidgeon:** _Hunk look they have pet names_

 

 **ImAPidgeon:** _fangirl with me_

 

 **FoodNinja:** _no im scared he’ll make fun of me again_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _naw buddy~_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _Ill do that anyway_

 

 **SquipforPrez:** _watch your backs im hunting you down_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _yaas Keith avenge my dignity_

 

 **SquipforPrez:** _what dignity_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _*SCREECHES*_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow it's been a while. Sorry about that I just had no idea where I was going with this story. I still don't if I'm honest but I'm taking it a chapter at a time.


	8. Chapter Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> =

** {ImAPidgeon changed their name to ImSoGay} **

 

 **SquipforPrez:** _relatable_

 

 **ImSoGay:** _omg guys help me_

 

 **ImSoGay:** _I saw this super pretty girl at the mall today_

 

 **ImSoGay:** _and she started talking to me???_

 

 **SquipforPrez:** _so whats the problem?_

 

 **ImSoGay:** _BC SHES FUCKING GORGEOS OMG I ALMOST HAD A HAERTATTAKC_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _my time has finally come_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _**gorgeous **heart attack_

 

 **FoodNinja:** _Ooooh nice one Lance_

 

 **ImSoGay:** _excuse me im trying to pine my ass off over here_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _I wont apologise_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _I saw my chance and I took it_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _revenge is best served in pieces_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _soon enough ur going to regret everything uve ever said to me_

 

 **ImSoGay:** _right….. anyway so im dying and this girl is perfect how do I socialise not-awkwardly_

 

 **SquipforPrez:** _youre asking your socially awkward internet friends how to not act awkwardly in a social situation?_

 

 **ImSoGay:** _……..point taken_

 

 **ImSoGay:** _Keith pls help me : (_

 

 **SquipforPrez:** _ew girls_

 

 **ImSoGay:** _Shiro?_

 

 **LendAHand:** _fuck off im busy adulting_

 

 **ImSoGay:** _Hunk?_

 

 **FoodNinja:** _sorry Pidge you saw how bad I was with Shay. If anything I’ll make the situation worse_

 

 **ImSoGay:** _….._

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _well well looks like theres only one option left_

 

 **ImSoGay:** _*sigh* Lance will you help me not fuck up with this cute girl?_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _SINCE YOU ASKED SO NICELY!!!_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _ask her if she likes spiderman_

 

 **ImSoGay:** _what? Why?_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _cos if she does then you can invite her to go see the movie together_

 

 **ImSoGay:** _that… she… we… what?_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _so whens the date?_

 

 **ImSoGay:** _next Friday after school…._

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _ur welcome_

 

\----------------------------------------

 

** {FoodNinja has changed their name to Mr.Lucky} **

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _I take it the date went well then?_

 

 **Mr.Lucky:** _holy crow Lance I really really like Shay_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _then tell her_

 

 **Mr.Lucky:** _but what if she thinks im too clingy?_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _Hunk my dude my main man my pal my bro_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _she agreed to go on a date for a reason_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _that reason is because she likes u_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _so text her and say that u had a great time and ud like to do it again soon_

 

 **SquipforPrez:** _where the hell is all this dating advice coming from?_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _experience_

 

 **SquipforPrez:** _you mean you’ve dated someone before?_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _only one serious relationship but that ended a while ago. Most of the time I go on a few dates and then we call it off_

 

 **SquipforPrez:** _what why?_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _because theyre not the right people for me and im not right for them_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _why are you so suddenly interested in my love life?_

 

 **SquipforPrez:** _im just surprised you have one_

 

 **LendAHand:** _careful Keith I can smell the jealousy from Italy_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _???youre not in Italy???_

 

 **SquipforPrez:** _Shiro I will end you_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _jealousy?_

 

 **ImSoGay:** _Keith is the kind of jelly_

 

 **ImSoGay:** _**king_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _omg Keith!!_

 

 **SquipforPrez:** _shit_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _ur jealous that the guy u like hasnt made a move aren’t u? ;^)_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _fear not young one ur time will come_

 

 

 

** {GayFuck sent a private message to LesboShit} **

 

 **GayFuck:** _I can’t…_

 

 **LesboShit:** _jfc hes oblivious_

 

 **LesboShit:** _be honest are you crying?_

 

 **GayFuck:** _just a little_

 

\----------------------------------------------

 

** {BlueSp00k has sent a message to HELPPPP} **

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _so a hot guy just gave me his number??_

 

 **ImSoGay:** _holy quiznak_

 

 **ImSoGay:** _are yoou gonna call him?_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _idk?_

 

 **Bluesp00k:** _I mean his face is a fucking blessing from th gods_

 

** {BlueSp00k has sent a photo} **

 

 **LendAHand:** _wow_

 

 **SquipforPrez:** _hes not that hot_

 

 **ImSoGay:** _are you kidding me? Dude im very gay and even I cant deny his face has been crafted by a deity_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _right?_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _ok im gonna message him_

 

 **Mr.Lucky:** _good luck buddy_

 

 

 

** {Lancelot has sent a message to AlexanderHam?} **

 

 **Lancelot:** _uh hi this is Lance from earlier today?_

 

 **AlexanderHam?:** _ph Lance hey!_

 

 **AlexanderHam?:** _hold on just let me fix my name_

 

** {AlexanderHam? Has changed their name to Avocado} **

 

 **Lancelot:** _avocado?_

 

 **Avocado:** _that’s me_

 

 **Avocado:** _im glad you texted me, I was scared you wouldn’t at first_

 

 **Lancelot:** _really? I was trying to build up enough courage to text you all day XD_

 

 **Avocado:** _well I guess it’s a good thing you did_

 

 **Avocado:** _now we can get to know each other better_

 

 **Lancelot:** _wanna play twenty questions?_

 

 **Avocado:** _sure you go first_

 

 **Lancelot:** _ok whats with AlexanderHam?_

 

 **Avocado:** _oh that. My sister is really into Hamilton and she’s the one who made my account so I’m stuck with it_

 

 **Lancelot:** _fair enough_

 

 **Avocado:** _my turn. Are you single?_

 

 **Lancelot:** _wow youre pretty forward_

 

 **Avocado:** _is that a yes or no?_

 

 **Lancelot:** _yes Im single_

 

 **Avocado:** _wanna go on a date?_

 

 **Lancelot:** _pretty sure its my question_

 

 **Avocado:** _my apologies good sir_

 

 **Lancelot:** _you are forgiven_

 

 **Lancelot:** _whys your name avocado?_

 

 **Avocado:** _well theyre hard and sturdy on the ouside but inside theyre super mushy and soft_

 

 **Avocado:** _jk I just like avocados_

 

 **Lancelot:** _I mean avocados are great_

 

 **Avocado:** _so you want to go on a date?_

 

 **Lancelot:** _I admire your dedication_

 

 **Lancelot:** _a date would be nice_

 

 **Avocado:** _cool. Lets meet up at the ice cream stand tomorrow_

 

 **Lancelot:** _that works for me_

 

 **Lancelot:** _I have to go by Alex_

 

 **Avocado:** _bye Lance : )_

 

 

** {BlueSp00k has sent a message to HELPPPP} **

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _welp_

 

 **FoodNinja:** _good welp or bad welp?_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _Good welp. Very good welp._

 

 **ImSoGay:** _oh shit proper grammar and everything_

 

 **ImSoGay:** _it went that well?_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _we’re going on a date tomorrow_

 

 **SquipforPrez:** _tomorrow? That’s uh really quick_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _is it?_

 

 **LendAHand:** _don’t listen to him we’re really happy for you Lance_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _yeah, im gonna go organise an outfit brb_

 

 

 

** {LesboShit has sent a message to GayFuck} **

 

 **LesboShit:** _dude I get that you like him but you need to be supportive_

 

 **GayFuck:** _how can I be supportive if the guy ive been pining over for 3 fucking years announces hes going on a date with some attractive dude he just met?!_

 

 **LesboShit:** _look Keith I get it, this sucks for you_

 

 **LesboShit:** _but you know how Lance can get_

 

 **LesboShit:** _if he sees one of us is negative about his relationship hes going to start overreacting and then blame himself for shit he didn’t even do_

 

 **GayFuck:** _I know_

 

 **LesboShit:** _listen maybe just dm him more often, ask how his day has been_

 

 **LesboShit:** _the more involved you are in his life, the more he’ll realise how fucking awesome you are_

 

 **GayFuck:** _k im gonna go eat ice cream and sulk now_

 

 **LesboShit:** _have fun buddy_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow I'm feeling shitty. But on a higher note, I FREAKING LOVE MUSICALS GOD HEATHERS IS SO GOOD!


	9. Chapter Nine

**SquipforPrez:** _I just don’t think a date straight away is a good idea_

 

 **SquipforPrez:** _I mean he knows nothing about this guy_

 

 **LendAHand:** _Keith…_

 

** {ImSoGay has changed SquipforPrez’s name to JellyBean} **

 

 **JellyBean:** _bitch_

 

** {JellyBean has changed their name to EmoSoul} **

 

 **EmoSoul:** _Im not jealous guys_

 

 **ImSoGay:** _sure_

 

 **EmoSoul:** _IM NOT_

 

 **Mr.Lucky:** _Keith you’ve been talking to us about this date for the lats two hours_

**Mr.Lucky:** _and even if you are jealous (which you are) you can’t interfere_

 

 **Mr.Lucky:** _Lance really likes this guy so we have to like him as well_

 

 **EmoSoul:** _but what if we turns out to be a dick_

 

 **ImSoGay:** _then we have a valid reason to commit homicide_

 

 **LendAHand:** _but other than that there’s not much we can do_

 

 **ImSoGay:** _in other news the hot girl I wetn to the movies with texted me_

 

 **ImSoGay:** _I was gonna wait till Lance got back but Im kinda really excited so_

 

 **ImSoGay:** _she asked me out on a proper date_

 

 **ImSoGay:** _as in she said “dress nice, I’m taking you out to dinner”_

 

 **ImSoGay:** _is this the world’s way of saying I wont go to hell_

 

 **EmoSoul:** _no im pretty sure your atheist soul is going to hell_

 

 **ImSoGay:** _fuk uyo_

 

 **EmoSoul:** _im happy for you Pidge_

 

 

** {BlueSp00k has sent a message to HELPPPP} **

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _there are tears_

 

 **EmoSoul:** _what happened_

 

 **EmoSoul:** _did he do something to you_

 

 **EmoSoul:** _say the word and ill sprint over to beat his ass_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _…._

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _not that your protectiveness isn’t flattering but wtf dude_

 

 **LendAHand:** _what Keith means to say is_

 

 **LendAHand:** _how did the date go Lance?_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _amazing??_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _likethis guy is somehow perfect?_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _he bought us icecream and we walked around the park, then he took me to the market and got me a keychin_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _“something to remember this day by”_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _HES SO FRIVKEN SWEEET_

 

 **ImSoGay:** _are you gonna go out again?_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _hopefully_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _I mean if he wants to_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _oh god what if I read this whole situation wrong and he doesn’t really like me and all he wants is to be friends or to fuck I mean im not ready f that kid of shit what if I dissapoi t him oh god oh dog oh god_

 

 **EmoSoul:** _Lance youre overthinking this_

 

 **EmoSoul:** _this Alex guy asked you on a date because he likes you_

 

 **EmoSoul:** _hed be an idiot not to_

 

 **EmoSoul:** _take your own relationship advice yeah?_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _…_.

 

 **Mr.Lucky:** ….

 

 **LendAHand:** _…._

 

 **ImSoGay:** ….

 

 **EmoSoul:** _shit_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _Keith~~~~~_

 

 **EmoSoul:** _fuck off_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _that was so sweet :^3_

 

 **EmoSoul:** _I take it back_

 

 **EmoSoul:** _I said nothing_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _u said everything_

 

 **EmoSoul:** _you have no proof_

 

 **ImSoGay:** _I took screenshots_

 

 **EmoSoul:** _GUCK YOU PIDGE_

 

 

** {Avocado has sent a message to Lancelot} **

 

 **Avocado:** _hey I had a really nice time today_

 

 **Lancelot:** _me too :^)_

 

 **Avocado:** _I was um wondering if… maybe we could meet up again sometine?_

 

 **Lancelot:** _well if my schedule allows- oh look im free everyday for the next year_

 

 **Avocado:** _haha good_

 

 **Avocado:** _so wyd_

 

 **Lancelot:** _switching between talking with u and talking with my friends_

 

 **Lancelot:** _hbu_

 

 **Avocado:** _puzzling over how youre talking to all of us at the same time_

 

 **Lancelot:** _well im a gr8 multi-tasker ;^)_

 

 **Avocado:** _youre adorable_

 

 **Lancelot:** _is it hot in here or is that me blushing?_

 

 **Avocado:** _the only hot thing here is you_

 

 **Lancelot:** _*dies*_

 

 **Avocado:** _noooooo_

 

 **Avocado:** _*revives*_

 

 **Lancelot:** _…. *dies*_

 

 **Avocado:** _*revives*_

 

 **Lancelot:** _*ultra dies*_

 

 **Avocado:** _*infinite revives*_

 

 **Lancelot:** _well damn_

 

 **Lancelot:** _u done did got me there_

 

 **Avocado:** _; )_

 

 

** {BlueSp00k sent an image to HELPPPP} **

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _so this happened_

 

 **Mr.Lucky:** _ship_

 

 **ImSoGay:** _ship_

 

 **EmoSoul:** _“ultra dies” relatable_

 

 **ImSoGay:** _hey shitbags did you all send your applications in to the garrison?_

 

 **ImSoGay:** _coz theyre closing them in a week_

 

 **FoodNinja:** _yup_

 

 **EmoSoul:** _yeah_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _yasss_

 

 **ImSoGay:** _… Everytime you say ‘yasss’ you die five years younger_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _yasss_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _yasss_

 

 **EmoSoul:** _yasss_

 

 **EmoSoul:** _yasss_

 

 **EmoSoul:** _yasss_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _yasss_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _yasss_

 

 **LendAHand:** _……….yass_

 

 **Mr.Lucky:** _ok we get it you want death_

 

 **Mr.Lucky:** _you depressing little twits_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _*gasp* Hunk!_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _watch ur language young man_

 

 **Mr.Lucky:** _yes mom_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _jokes on u because ur mom is amazing_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _that woman is a saint_

 

 **ImSoGay:** _true_

 

 **EmoSoul:** _he’s not wrong_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _see even Keith thinks so_

 

 **Mr.Lucky:** _I never disagreed with you_

 

 **Mr.Lucky:** _I freaking love my mum_

 

 **Mr.Lucky:** _she’s fierce_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _rawr~_

 

 **LendAHand:** _Lance please don’t bring that back_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _Dad is Tired™_

 

 **LendAHand:** _I’m not your dad_

 

 **LendAHand:** _stop calling me that_

 

 **ImSoGay:** _but Dad…._

 

 **EmoSoul:** _you can’t just abandon us…_

 

 **LendAHand:** _Keith I’m literally your brother wtf_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _would it make u feel better to be called Daddy?_

 

** {LendAHand has left the group chat} **

 

** {BlueSp00k has added ShiroGONE to the group chat} **

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _c’mon Shiro u know better than to try and leave_

 

 **ShiroGONE:** _sigh_

 

 **ShiroGONE:** _now I don’t even have my name_

 

 **ImSoGay:** _oh let me fix that for you_

 

** {ImSoGay has changed ShiroGONE’s name to Dad} **

 

 **Dad:** _really?_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _ur right it’s a bit boring_

 

** {BlueSp00k has changed Dad’s name to Dad-senpai} **

 

 **Mr.Lucky:** _perfect_

 

 **EmoSoul:** _there’s…..no words to describe how beautiful tis is_

 

 **Dad-senpai:** _I hate you all_

 

 **Dad-senpai:** _I wish for death upon you all_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _hey u and me both buddy_

 

 **Mr.Lucky:** _Lance…_

 

 **ImSoGay:** _dude you good?_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _fine y?_

 

 **EmoSoul:** _because you sounded super depressing just now?_

 

 **Dad-senpai:** _Lance are you feeling okay?_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _guys im fine chill_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _so I made one self-deprecating joke it doesn’t mean anything_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _worry-warts_

 

 **Dad-senpai:** _ok…_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _so who actually took notes in Iverson’s class today?_

 

 **BluSp00k:** _coz I sure didn’t_


	10. Chapter Ten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's rushed sorry. I'm tired and sick bleh.

** {BlueSp00k has sent a message to HELPPPP} **

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _why don’t we have any friends_

 

 **EmoSoul:** _literally the reason we’re all in a group chat together_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _no I mean_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _outside of the five of us_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _I know that we all know people_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _so why don’t we talk with them?_

 

 **ImSoGay:** _are_

 

 **ImSoGay:** _are you suggesting we add to this mess of a chat?_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _yes Pidgeon yes I am_

 

 **EmoSoul:** _and who pray tell are we adding?_

 

 **EmoSoul:** _what ‘other friends’ do you have?_

 

** {BlueSp00k has added LaLaLLura, Coranic and Matththhthhhthhew to HELPPPP} **

 

 **ImSoGay:** _why the hell did you add Matt?!_

 

 **Matththhthhhthhew:** _well if it isn’t my favourite Pidgey!_

 

 **LaLaLLura:** _I’m confused, what am I doing here?_

 

 **Coranic:** _I’m also questioning my presence here_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _sup fam I, Lance have graced you all with a place in the group chat_

 

** {LaLaLLura has left the group chat} **

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _bitch_

 

** {BlueSp00k has added LaLaLLura to the group chat} **

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _ungrateful little shit_

 

 **Coranic:** _Lance my boy!_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _Coran!!!_

 

 **Coranic:** _how have you been?_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _*thumbs up*_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _yo everyone who don’t know, this is Coran he’s my kind of uncle_

 

 **EmoSoul:** _kind of?_

 

 **Coranic:** _Well you see, technically speaking Lance and I aren’t related, however I have known him for most of his life and used to be kind good friends of his parents_

 

 **Coranic:** _we still ‘hang’ as you young’uns would say_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _Allura is Coran’s niece so we grew up together_

 

 **ImSoGay:** _oooh what was Lance like as a kid?!_

 

 **LaLaLLura:** _adorable_

 

 **LaLaLLura:** _I don’t know what went wrong_

 

 **ImSoGay:** _so how the fuck do you know my brother?_

 

 **Matththhthhhthhew:** _he saved me from drowning a couple months ago no shit_

 

 **EmoSoul:** _im sorry what_

 

 **ImSoGay:** _WAIT SO WHEN YOU SAID YOU FELL INTO A FUCKING PUDDLE YOU MEAN TO TELL ME YOU ALMOST DIED?!?!?_

 

 **Matththhthhhthhew:** _wow tough crowd_

 

 **Matththhthhhthhew:** _yeah. Then when we talked I learned that Lance is a pretty chill dude so we exchanged facebooks and here we are_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _we meme together_

 

 **EmoSoul:** _jesus Christ_

 

 **Matththhthhhthhew:** _no just Matt_

 

**LaLaLLura:** _so these are the infamous friends you’ve been speaking about?_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _not all of them_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _Hunk’s at a study group and who knows where Shiro is_

 

 **ImSoGay:** _enjoying some peace and quiet away from his children_

 

 **LaLaLLura:** _children?_

 

 **ImSoGay:** _us. We’re the children. Hes honorary father of the group_

 

 **Matththhthhhthhew:** _wait Shiro as in Takashi?_

 

 **EmoSoul:** _you know my brother?_

 

 **Matththhthhhthhew:** _he’s your brother?_

 

 **ImSoGay:** _ughhhhhhh this is a mess_

 

 **Coranic:** _I agree strange person ive never personally met_

 

\-------------------------------

 

** {Mr.Lucky has sent a message to HELPPPP} **

 

 **Mr.Lucky:** _im gone for an hour and we suddenly have three new members and 400 new messages?_

 

 **Dad-senpai:** _sweet lord jesus save me_

 

 **LaLaLLura:** _HUNK!!!_

 

 **Mr.Lucky:** _Allura!!!!_

 

**Dad-senpai:** _who?_

 

 **Mr.Lucky:** _Lance’s kind of cousin_

 

 **Dad-senpai:** _right…_

 

\--------------------------------------

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _so now that everyone’s on track_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _I have one more friend to add_

 

 **EmoSoul:** _should we be worried?_

 

** {BlueSp00k has added LiteralSunshine to the group chat} **

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _This is Shay everyone!!!_

 

 **Mr.Lucky:** _SHAY_

 

 **LiteralSunshine:** _HUNK_

 

 **ImSoGay:** _wait Hunk’s girlfriend Shay?_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _the very same_

 

 **Dad-senpai:** _Lance how the fuck_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _hey I’ll have you know that I’m a very fun person_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _lots of people enjoy my company, right Shay?_

 

 **LiteralSunshine:** _of course Lance, you’re quite funny_

 

 **Mr.Lucky:** _wait the two of you hang out together?_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _if by hang out you mean ‘meet up to discuss how she will never hurt you and then end up getting caught up with our shared adoration with you’ then yeah_

 

 **LiteralSunshine:** _Lance and I eventually started coffee dates to talk about how you’ve been_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _I gave her advice for your dates together_

 

 **LiteralSunshine:** _we’ve really bonded as friends_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _she has my approval_

 

 **ImSoGay:** _oh that’s cool then_

 

 **LaLaLLura:** _hello Shay, we simply must meet up together with Lance and chat_

 

 **LiteralSunshine:** _it could be like a girl’s day!_

 

 **LaLaLLura:** _Pidge you’re welcome to come along also_

 

 **ImSoGay:** _uh maybe?_

 

 **EmoSoul:** _wtf has happened to this chat_

 

 **Dad-senpai:** _idk but its become an even bigger disaster_

 

 **Matththhthhhthhew:** _I resent thtat_

 

 **Matththhthhhthhew:** _any chat with me in it is a gr8 chat_

 

 **Dad-senpai:** _yeahhhhhh no_

 

 **Matththhthhhthhew:** _don’t be a TakaSHIT_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _oooh nice one Matt! *high five*_

 

 **Matththhthhhthhew:** _*high five*_

 

 **ImSoGay:** _disgusting they’re both so cringeworthy that they’re instantly perfect friends_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _watch it Pidge, Matt’s got so much dirt on u_

 

 **Matththhthhhthhew:** _you were simply the cutest baby, were’nt you Gremlin?_

 

** {ImSoGay has changed their name to Gremlin} **

 

 **Gremlin:** _what a sweet nickname_

 

 **Gremlin:** _Ill cherish it forever_

 

 **Matththhthhhthhew:** _youre a pain in my ass_

 

 **Gremlin:** _you are an ass_

 

 **Dad-senpai:** _ah siblings, can’t live without them_

 

 **EmoSoul:** _I mean I could live without mine_

 

 **Dad-senpai:** _ex-fucking-cuse me_

 

 **Mr.Lucky:** _c’mon guys let’s not fight_

 

 **LiteralSunshine:** _Hunk’s right, why don’t we all make up!_

 

 **Matththhthhhthhew:** _Gremlin…_

 

 **Gremlin:** _Mattatta_

 

 **Matththhthhhthhew:** _are we bringing out the pokemon names now?_

 

 **Matththhthhhthhew:** _Pidgey?_

 

** {Gremlin has changed their name to Pidgeot} **

 

** { Matththhthhhthhew has changed their name to Mattatta} **

 

 **LiteralSunshine:** _this isn’t what I had in mind by making up…_

 

 **Pidgeot:** _nah were cool now, rite?_

 

 **Mattatta:** _chill_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _why must u change ur names so much?_

 

**BlueSp00k:** _u should feel happy being who u are_

 

 **Pidgeot:** _bitch just because you’ve had the same username since you were twelve_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _bitch atleast I aint twelve_

 

** {Pidgeot changed EmoSoul’s name to Skuntank} **

 

 **Skuntank:** _fuck you im not a skuntank_

 

** {Skuntank has changed their name to Zorua} **

 

 **Pidgeot:** _naw that’s adorable_

 

 **Zorua:** _most badass pokemon_

 

 **Mr.Lucky:** _now I want in on this!_

 

** {Mr.Lucky has changed their name to Ursaring} **

 

 **Mattatta:** _fam where you @_

 

 **LaLaLLura:** _well I don’t know much about pokemon but_

 

** {LaLaLLura has changed their name to Cresselia} **

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _Allura not u 2!_

 

 **Cresselia:** _my apologies Lance but I do love this pokemon!_

 

** {Coranic has changed their name to Watchog} **

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _Coran!!!_

 

 **Dad-senpai:** _finally a chance to escape my name_

 

** {Dad-senpai changed their name to Tyrunt} **

 

**Mattatta _:_** _bitch no you aint_

 

 **Tyrunt:** _I am fierce_

 

 **Mattatta:** _yeah and Im straight_

 

** {Mattatta changed Tyrunt’s name to Aipom} **

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _sigh_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _Shay aren’t u going to change ur name?_

 

 **LiteralSunshine:** _well you see I don’t actually know much about pokemon_

 

 **Pidgeot:** _theres literally the perfect pokemon for you hold on_

 

** {Pidgeot has changed LiteralSunshine’s name to Sunflora} **

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _I cant even deny how well that fits_

 

 **Pidgeot:** _c’mon Lance complete the group_

 

 **Mattatta:** _friends who meme together stay together_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _but I like my name:-(_

 

 **Pidgeot:** _dude why its from your cringier days_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _yeah but its_

 

 **Zorua:** _its?_

 

 **Ursaring:** _Lance buddy?_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _forget it just something stupid_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _Emotionally attached y’know_

 

** {BlueSp00k has changed their name to Quagsire} **

 

 **Pidgeot:** _YO WE JUST GOT LANXCE TO CHANGE HIS NAME WTF_

 

 **Pidgeot:** _AND TO QUAGSIRE_

 

 **Pidgeot:** _HOLY LORD IF IM DREAMING PLEASE DON’T WAKE ME_

 

**Pidgeot _:_** _Ive known you for 4 years and not once have you changed your name_

 

 **Mattatta:** _lets give a big round of applause to Lance!_

 

 **Quagsire:** _lol no_

 

 **Quagsire** : _whoop parentals are home gtg_

 

 **Ursaring:** _why?_

 

 **Quagsire:** _they asked me to help them out with some stuff no biggie_

 

 **Watchog:** _really?_

 

 **Quagsire:** _yup just some chores around the house you know the deal_

 

 **Quagsire:** _stupid parent stuff_

 

 **Quagsire:** _anyway I really need to go now so baiiii_

 

 **Cresselia:** _I call bullshit_

 

 **Watchog:** _yes it does seem unlikely that his parents were asking for his aid_

 

 **Ursaring:** _nah relax guys this happens all the time_

 

 **Pidgeot:** _Lance’s parents need to talk to him or he has to take care of his siblings_

 

 **Zorua:** _or he has to make dinner coz his parents are working late_

 

 **Watchog:** _I see…_

 

 **Sunflora:** _that’s how it is in big families I suppose_

 

Sunflora: everyone needs to pitch in

 

\-------------------------------------

 

 **Zorua:** _hey Lance…_

 

 **Zorua:** _are you a Pikachu? Because you are shockingly beautiful._

 

 **Zorua:** _I think I need a paralyse heal because you’re stunning!_

 

 **Zorua:** _You’re more beautiful than a Beautifly._

 

\---------------------------------------

 

Lance could honestly say he was petrified when he heard his Mama enter the house. She had been away on a business trip for the week but apparently had decided to come home early. That only meant one thing…

“Lanzo! Get your lazy ass down here!” Meekly he ducks his head and pads down the stairs, knowing by now that being quiet is the easier option. “Ah there you are. What took you so long?”

Lance can admit that his Mama is physically very attractive. He gets his tan skin from her, along with his curvy eyebrows, triangular face and blue eyes. The only thing to really set the two apart is her stern frown that she seems to constantly hold on her lips.

That frown is the barrier that separates her real personality and the mask she lets the outside world see. Underneath her frown is a bubbling pit of hatred, aimed directly at her son.

“Lanzo, your father told me about your behaviour while I was gone. What do you have to say for yourself?”

“Nothing Mama, there is no excuse.”

“No there isn’t. Come, let’s go down to the basement and _chat_.” Lance has to hold back a flinch when his Mama guides him to the stairs by the shoulder. The basement is the only place where no sound gets out.

 

\------------------------------------------

 

 **Quagsire:** _Keith what?_

 

 **Zorua:** _ah so you’ve responded_

 

 **Quagsire:** _what are you doing?_

 

 **Zorua:** _well I saw you were kind of upset and pick up lines always seem to cheer you up so…_

 

 **Quagsire:** _did_

 

 **Quagsire:** _did you google pokemon pickup lines?_

 

 **Quagsire:** _to make me feel better?_

 

 **Zorua:** _is that weird?_

 

 **Quagsire:** _no it’s the nicest thing ever_

 

 **Zorua:** _did it work?_

 

 **Quagsire:** _???_

 

 **Zorua:** _do you feel better?_

 

 **Quagsire:** _no_

 

 **Quagsire:** _because now I feel outdone_

 

 **Quagsire:** _I am the ultimate flirt_

 

 **Zorua:** _idk I had some pretty good lines_

 

 **Quagsire:** _you put the “cool” in Tentacool_

 

 **Zorua:** _weak_

 

 **Quagsire:** _r00d_

 

 **Quagsire:** _if I were a Clefairy I’d DOUBLE-SLAP that ass_

 

 **Zorua:** _bold but I’ll allow it_

 

 **Quagsire:** _Are you a Hitmonlee? ‘Coz you’re body is kickin’_

 

 **Quagsire:** _Did you use CONFUSE ray? Because you’re making me dizzy_

 

 **Quagsire:** _starMiE and starYU belong together, do you get the message?_

 

 **Quagsire:** _I think I'm going to need a Burn Heal because you're hot_

 

 **Zorua:** _okay okay you get your title back_

 

 **Quagsire:** _whoop!_

 

 **Zorua:** _…_

 

 **Zorua:** _hey Lance_

 

 **Quagsire:** _???_

 

 **Zorua:** _Are you from the Hoenn Region? 'Cuz you're the only HO I see_

 

 **Quagsire:** _BINCH THAT’S NT A FJICMKJF FJHJKD_

 

 **Zorua:** _;)_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In other news... What do you think of the new summary? Foreboding enough? ;)


	11. Chapter Eleven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning, angst ahead. Things are suddenly heated

** {Quagsire has changed the group chat name to The Nerd Herd} **

 

 **Zorua:** _why the change?_

 

 **Quagsire:** _because we’re a bunch of nerds_

 

 **Pidgeot:** _hey!_

 

 **Mattatta:** _I resent that!_

 

 **Quagsire:** _we all changed our names to pokemon_

 

 **Quagsire:** _plus I had a Poke Pick-Up Line war last night wih Keith_

 

 **Mattatta:** _…I accept that_

 

 **Pidgeot:** _with Keith eh? ;)_

 

 **Zorua:** _don’t make it weird_

 

 **Ursaring:** _guys shouldn’t we be getting ready for school?_

 

 **Aipom:** _exacty stop interrupting my sleep_

 

 **Cresselia:** _actually I think its quite nice that they check in with th group chat before leaving in the mornings_

 

 **Cresselia:** _its always nice to know how they are_

 

 **Quagsire:** _speaking of the chat_

 

 **Quagsire:** _I was wondering if it was okay with u guys_

 

 **Quagsire** : _if I could add Alex to the chat_

 

 **Sunflora:** _who’s Alex?_

 

 **Pidgeot:** _Lance’s boyfriend_

 

 **Cresselia:** _oh I think that would be a splendid idea!_

 

 **Zorua:** _really?_

 

 **Quagsire:** _I wont if u guys aren’t ok with it_

 

 **Aipom:** _go ahead Lance we’d all like to meet him_

 

 

** {Quagsire has added AlexanderHam? to The Nerd Herd} **

 

 **Quagsire:** _guys this is Alex_

 

 **Ursaring:** _hi Alex! I’m Hunk!_

 

 **Aipom:** _I’m Shiro, it’s great to finally meet you_

 

 **Pidgeot:** _Pidge_

 

 **Mattatta:** _Matt_

 

 **Sunflora:** _I’m Shay!_

 

 **Cresselia:** _Hello, I’m Allura. It’s nice to see that Lance wasn’t lying about having a boyfriend;)_

 

 **Watchog:** _Coran, Lance has told me a lot about you_

 

 **AlexanderHam?:** _its nice to meet everyone_

 

 **Quagsire:** _is Keith here?_

 

 **Pidgeot:** _probably but he’s being a sulky bitch_

**Quagsire:** _osunds about rite_

 

 **AlexanderHam?:** _wow so this is the famous group of friends I’ve been told so much about_

 

 **AlexanderHam?:** _Lance speaks very highly of you all_

 

 **AlexanderHam?:** _it’s a shame I couldn’t meet Keith though_

 

 **Quagsire:** _Alex!!!!_

 

 **Pidgeot:** _oh? Whys that?_

 

 **AlexanderHam?:** _well out of all of you Lance spoke about him the most_

 

 **AlexanderHam?:** _I would have liked to see if hes really as cool as Lance led me to believe ;)_

 

 **Zorua:** _of course I am_

 

 **Zorua:** _whatever he said is true_

 

 **Zorua:** _he knows all of my dirty secrets and I hate it_

 

 **Quagsire:** _Keith!!_

 

 **Zorua:** _Lance_

 

 **Quagsire:** _u could atleast pretend to be excited to see me :^(_

 

 **Zorua:** _sigh_

 

 **Zorua:** _LANCEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

 

 **Zorua:** _!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

 

 **Pidgeot:** _I hate you all_

 

 **AlexanderHam?:** _haha I guess he was right then_

 

 **AlexanderHam?:** _there really are people who can match his personality_

 

 **Quagsire:** _Alex:^(_

 

 **AlexanderHam?:** _don’t be sad babe_

 

 **Quagsire:** _< 3_

 

 **AlexanderHam?:** _< 3_

 

 **Pidgeot:** _ew romance_

 

 **Quagsire:** _says Miss Second Date_

 

 **Quagsire:** _how did that go anyway?_

 

 **Pidgeot:** _I stg I will castrate you_

 

 **Quagsire:** _ah so it went well then?_

 

 **Pidgeot:** _…fucking….yes_

 

 **Cresselia:** _oh did you kiss?!_

 

 **Pidgeot:** _ALLURA YOU CANT JUST ASK EOPLE THAYT_

 

 **Cresselia:** _So you did!!!!!_

 

 **Zorua:** _is she as short as you or did she have to bend down to reach you?_

 

 **Pidgeot:** _Keith don’t be a little shit_

 

 **Zorua:** _youre right that’s your job_

 

 **Pidgeot:** _I hate this family_

 

 **Quagsire:** _so how does Matt feel about you getting a girlfriend?_

 

 **Pidgeot:** _SHES NOT MY GIRLFREND_

 

 **Mattatta:** _Thank you for asking my opinion on this Lance_

 

 **Mattatta:** _Pidge I’m afraid you cant bring this girl home with you_

 

 **Pidgeot:** _what? Why not?_

 

 **Aipom:** _Matt…._

 

 **Mattatta:** _coz shell take one look at me and turn straight;))))))_

 

 **Pidgeot:** …..

 

 **Aipom:** …..

 

 **Quagsire:** …..

 

 **Zorua:** …..

 

 **Ursaring:** …..

 

 **Sunflora:** ……

 

 **Cresselia:** ……

 

 **Watchog:** _*universal sigh*_

 

 **Mattatta:** _what? C’mon that was good!!_

 

 **AlexanderHam?:** _haha_

 

 **Mattatta:** _see? Alex liked it_

 

 **Mattatta:** _Alex youre my only frien nw_

 

 **AlexanderHam?:** _oh?_

 

 **Quagsire:** _hiss_

 

 **Quagsire:** _my bf_

 

 **Pidgeot:** _hey Lance did you remember to do your geography hw?_

 

 **Quagsire:** _….._

 

 **Zorua:** _god damnit Lance_

 

 **Quagsire:** _to be fair I was a bit distracted_

 

 **AlexanderHam?:** _;)_

 

 **Cresselia:** _tmi_

 

 **Pidgeot:** _ew_

 

 **Aipom:** _nopeing out of that one_

 

 **Zorua:** _*gags*_

 

 **Quagsire:** _kinky_

 

 **Mattatta:** _that’s rich coming from you_

 

 **Quagsire:** _exCUsE_

 

 **AlexanderHam?:** _I mean he’s not wrong babe_

 

 **Quagsire:** _Betrayal_

 

 

** {Quagsire has changed AlexanderHam?’s name to CUTEcumber} **

 

 **CUTEcumber:** _this isn’t insulting_

 

 **Quagsire:** _I know ;^)_

 

 ***Zorua:** ….

 

 **CUTEcumber:** _you’re adorable <3_

 

 **Pidgeot:** _jc guys_

 

 **Quagsire:** _what?_

 

 **Pidgeot:** _save it for the pm_

 

 **Pidgeot:** _we don’t want your sexting in here_

 

 **Quagsire:** _we’re not sexting_

 

 **Pidgeot:** _look Lance we get it you’ve got a bf now_

 

 **Pidgeot:** _whoop de doo_

 

**Quagsire:** _hold on babe_

 

 

** {Quagsire has kicked CUTEcumber out of the chat} **

 

 **Quagsire:** _that’s not what this was_

 

 **Quagsire:** _what’s wrong with you?_

 

 **Pidgeot:** _I’m fine but you’re kind of pissing me off_

 

 **Quagsire:** _I didn’t do anything_

 

 **Quagsire:** _you just started acting_

 

 **Pidgeot:** _acting what? Say it_

 

 **Quagsire:** _you started acting bitchy_

 

 **Sunflora:** _ok guys lets calm down_

 

 **Aipom:** _Shay’s right let’s all stop fighting and just settle_

 

 **Pidgeot:** _oh yes great observation Lance_

 

 **Pidgeot:** _I bet your boyfriend is so proud of you_

 

 **Quagsire:** _don’t bring Alex into this he didn’t do anything_

 

 **Zorua:** _oh come off it Lance_

 

 **Zorua:** _if you hadn’t brought him here then everything would have been fine_

 

 **Aipom:** _you know that isn’t true Keith_

 

 **Quagsire:** _you’re saying it’s my fault that you’re both acting like shit?!_

 

 **Zorua:** _IM SAYING ITS YOUR FAULT FOR RUBBING IT IN OUR FACES THAT YOU HAVE A FUCKING BOYFRIEND_

 

 **Zorua:** _WE GET IT OK_

 

 **Quagsire:** _IM NOT RUBBING IT IN YOUR FUCKING FACES_

 

 **Quagsire:** _IM SORRY IF I FELT THAT THIS GUY WAS AMAZING ENOUGH THAT HE DESERVED TO MEET MY FRIENDS_

 

 **Quagsire:** _WHO BY THE WAY ARE ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT THINGS IN MY FUCKING LIFE_

 

 **Quagsire:** _I GUESS ITS ALSO MY FAULT THAT IVE FINALLY FOUND SOMEONE WHO DOESN’T THINK IM SOME FREAK AND USELESS WEIRDO_

 

 **Quagsire:** _ALEX LIKES ME FOR BEING WEIRD AND THAT’S THE FIRST TIME THAT’S EVER HAPPENED_

 

 **Quagsire:** _I EXPECTED YOU GUYS WOULD BE HAPPY FOR ME_

 

 **Quagsire:** _LIKE SUPPORTIVE FRIENDS WOULD_

 

 **Quagsire:** _BUT APPARENTLY YOU GUYS CARE MORE ABOUT HIW MUCH TIME IM TAKING UP IN YOUR LIVES THAN ME FINALLY NOT LYING AWAKE AT NIGHT CRYING MYSELF TO SLEEP_

 

 **Quagsire:** _OR THAT IVE ACTUALLY STARTED LIKING MYSELF AGAIN_

 

 **Quagsire _:_** _OR HOW HE NOTICES WHEN IM HAVING A BAD DAY AND HE RESPECTS MY BOUNDARIES AND THAT’S MORE THAN I COULD ASK OF ANYONE_

 

 **Quagsire:** _BUT YEAH WHY SHOULD I WANT TO INCLUDE HIM IN MY LIFE_

 

 **Quagsire:** _FUCK YOU_

 

 

** {Quagsire has left the chat} **

 

 **Cresselia:** _I left for five minutes!_

 

 

** {Cresselia has left the chat} **

 

 **Aipom:** well that went well

 

 **Ursaring:** _great fucking job guys_

 

 **Ursaring:** _very supportive_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * I put this there specifically because that is when everything went wrong. When Keith said "...." that was him voicing his displeasure without saying anything. Pidge noticed this and being the good friend of Keith that she is, tried to stop the couple from making him sad. I'm not saying this excuses her behavior but I thought I'd mention the reason for why she suddenly blew up at Lance.


	12. Chapter Twelve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who's back. Back again. I am back! Pls stab me.

The next day Keith was prepared for Lance to demand him and Pidge for an apology. What he wasn’t expecting was for both Lance and Hunk to completely avoid him. He’ll admit, it had stung when they had made eye contact and turned their backs to him but there wasn’t many moments where he could approach them anyway.

Pidge was dealing with the same problems. The entirety of the day she had been trying to talk to Hunk but the most she could get out of him was “not right now”. She wanted to be angry at him for that, but the second she had seen Lance that morning all she could feel was guilt. Because Lance looked terrible. His eyes were rimmed red and he had dark bags underneath them, something he would usually cover up.

The two were forced to sit at their usual table at lunch, group of four now halved. Keith and Pidge talked and agreed that while Lance’s relationship annoyed them, they valued their friendship with him more. The only problem they have now is getting Lance to forgive them.

 

Keith finally gets his chance during AP Math. He’s been watching Lance from across the room the entire time and when he finishes his task he practically bolts up out of his seat to hand it up. With that done he shuffles over to the tan boy, with the excuse of helping him with his work. Lance doesn’t even glance up from his sheet, instead writing down the formula for question 23 which Keith has already forgotten about.

“Lance?” The boy blinks but otherwise shows no sign that he heard his name. Stubborn as always. “Lance please will you at least listen?”

“Why? So you can mock my relationship some more?” His words are tight, straining as he keeps his voice low. Perhaps if they weren’t in class Keith would get yelled at again, but if there’s one thing he knows about Lance it’s that he doesn’t like making trouble for other people. Not unless he knows they’ll be okay with it.

“Look I get that you’re mad-”

“Do you really Keith? Because it sounds more like you expect me to just let it go and ignore the entire problem.” Keith scoffs.

“Isn’t that what you’re doing anyway?” Lances eyes finally lift up to glare at him, which yeah that’s not really how Keith wants Lance to look at him but at least it’s something. “As far as I can tell, you’re just running away from confrontation instead of talking it out maturely.”

“I’m talking now aren’t I? What do you want from me Keith? I figured you’d be happy I’m not wasting you’re time with my annoying crap.”

“I never said that!” Keith gets shushed by Mr Duraily, lowering his voice to a stage whisper. “You’re putting words in my mouth. Listen, I hadn’t wanted to upset you okay? I tried to be nice but you can’t put the blame on me and Pidge when we wouldn’t have even fought if Alex wasn’t added to the chat.”

Lance all but slams his pencil down onto his desk and fixes Keith with his steely eyes. “That’s not true and you know it. I added him because you all said I could, I asked for permission first. Alex didn’t do anything wrong and if you and Pidge hadn’t called us out like you did then there wouldn’t have been a problem in the first place.”

“Did you get agreements from everyone Lance? Or just the ones who always agree with your bullshit?” So yeah okay he shouldn’t have said that, but it’s done now.

Keith has never been able to say that he’s been scared of Lance until now. Before he had always been so sure that even if Lance were _somehow_ able to take him on, he would never hurt his friends like that. But right now, as the taller make raises himself out of his chair with a creak, Keith feels a jolt of fear down his spine. Lance looks angry, like the only reason he hasn’t decked the black haired teen is because they’re in class. Which only makes it scarier. Is he going to punch him the second the bell for break goes?

Lance doesn’t give an answer to Keith’s statement, walking away to hand up his assignment before he slings his bag over his shoulder and scowls. “Don’t talk to me.”

With that said he walks out of the door right as the bell rings, instantly disappearing in the flood of students rushing to escape the school. Keith watches him go with wide eyes, not quite processing his words until he’s already gone and by then it’s too late. Keith frowns and looks down at his clenched fists, wishing he could punch something to release this frustration. That something preferably being Alex’s face.

 

He meets up with Pidge afterwards and the shorter of the two sighs when she sees his pout.

“So you weren’t able to talk to him?”

“No I talked to him.” His voice is sharp, an undertone of hurt that most wouldn’t be able to hear leaking through and Pidge’s eyes soften.

“It didn’t go well, did it?” Keith shakes his head. “Well you’ve had more luck than me I guess. Hunk would barely even look at me. He even asked to switch lab partners! He’s never switched lab partners, not even when I ate his peanut butter cookies without asking.” Keith listens with one ear, zoning out to the sound of Pidge’s rambling voice.

Lance will forgive them right? He’s not one to stay angry at his friends, even if he pretends to be. It’ll all blow over soon and they can go back to how they used to be, Keith can silently pine over the Cuban and still get to be his friend. He just has to be patient and wait for Lance to cool off. Everything will be fine.

 

That night Keith comes home to find Shiro talking on the phone, something he prefers to avoid doing since he lost his arm. He doesn’t know who he’s talking to, but based on the somber expression his brother is wearing there are only a few options.

“-It’s going to take some time but things will work out. None of us were expecting that to happen….. You can’t blame yourself for this. Listen you did the right thing in introducing everyone. It is not your fault that things got out of hand…….. Lance-.” Ah now he understands.” –You are smart, funny, attractive and kind. If Alex can’t see that then he doesn’t deserve to have it……. No I’m not telling you to break up with Alex…… I think you should let him know how this is making you feel. Relationships require communication Lance, you need to tell him when something’s bothering you…… I know…. Don’t worry they’re not mad at you…… Okay, if you need anything, just let me know. Don’t bottle it up…… Bye Lance.” Shiro takes the phone away from his ear and lets out a sigh.

“You were talking to Lance?” Keith raises his eyebrow, watching how Shiro startles and unconsciously rubs his right shoulder.

“Keith, when did you get home?”

“Just now. You’re avoiding the question.”

“Maybe because it isn’t any of your business.” Shiro’s tone is low, warning him not to overstep his boundaries. “I was comforting a friend.”

“Right. I’m going to my room.” The unsaid words hang heavily over them, telling the younger boy exactly what he had been thinking. Shiro is comforting Lance because he’s taking his side. Lance was talking with Shiro because he agrees with his relationship. Keith can’t even trust his own brother.

 

\------------------------------------------------------

 

 **Zorua:** _for what its worth im sorry for fighting_

 

 **Zorua:** _im not going to say sorry for not liking your boyfriend though_

 

 **Zorua:** _so if that’s what your looking for then I cant help you_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoop whoop!!!! Laptop is fixed!!!! Thank god they didn't wipe it otherwise I would have lost everything. Anyway I'm back and the angst is running smoothly. I've been borrowing my friend's laptop charger coz guess what? My charger broke!! Thanks life. Anyway that won't stop me so this story is back in business. Mwahahaha


	13. Chapter Thirteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Implied sexual content. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Five missed calls. Twenty unread messages. By now Lance is sure he’s being ignored, which sucks because he thrives off of attention and having his boyfriend ignore him probably means he’s mad at him. Eventually Lance gathers enough courage to go over to Alex’s house and ask him in person, something that’s easier thought about than actually done apparently.

The door opens and Alex’s floppy brown hair peeks out. His freckled face falls upon seeing the Cuban and he’s just about to close the door when Lance sticks his foot between the gap. He winces. The movies definitely make it seem smoother than it is, that shit hurts. Thankfully the paler boy widens the space when he sees the foot and after a second, rolls his eyes and allows him in.

The two walk up into Alex’s bedroom and sit awkwardly beside each other on the lilac sheets. Lance coughs into his fist and turns to face his boyfriend.

“I um, I didn’t see you before school today.”

“I stayed home.”

“Oh… I tried calling you.”

“I saw.” Okay, ouch.

“Alex can you at least look at me when I’m talking to you?” The freckled boy does as asked and raises an eyebrow coolly. “Obviously you’re mad at me for something but I can’t fix it if you don’t tell me what’s wron-“

“I’m not mad at you Lance.” He blinks.

“What?”

“I’m not mad at you. I’m mad at your friends. They were disrespectful and rude, and I’m angry about how you’re avoiding talking to them because you’re scared.” There’s silence, broken only by the waver in Lance’s voice.

“I don’t-….”

“You can’t even fight it.” Alex’s eyes soften. “You can’t run away from everything.”

“Well then what am I supposed to do?!” A hand comes up and rests on Lance’s cheek, rubbing soothingly over his skin.

“I can’t tell you that. But they’re you’re friends, so no matter what you choose they deserve to at least be told upfront. Don’t ignore the problem and hope it’ll solve itself.”

Lance closes his eyes and leans into the hand, letting out a low hum. “How are you so smart?” Alex chuckles and slowly slides his hand around to hold the back of Lance’s neck. The tan boy tenses, growing uncomfortable.

“I just am.” Alex shifts closer, his other hand laying itself on Lance’s thigh, tracing circles on the pant leg. “You know, I’ve been very upset today. I was crying and everything.” He leans in and rests their foreheads together. “Make me happy again?” Lance squirms.

“I-I don’t know. This is a bit fast isn’t it?” Alex pouts.

“Don’t you want to make it up to me? Prove that you love me Lance, I need to know for sure.” With reluctance Lance allows Alex to lock their lips together, stiffly gripping the front of Alex’s shirt. His words swim in his head and the guilt begins to eat away at him. Alex doesn’t deserve to be sad. Lance is just a nuisance. He’s lucky to have Alex, lucky that he puts up with his shit. If this is what Alex wants then it’s the least Lance can do.

So with that thought in mind, Lance ignores the unwilling voice in his mind telling him it’s not a good idea and instead follows Alex’s guiding hands. Alex’s needs come first, Lance will prove that he can be a good partner. He’ll prove that he can make Alex happy.

 

\-------------------------------------

 

** {Ursaring added Cresselia to the group chat} **

 

 **Cresselia:** _thanks hunk_

 

 **Ursaring:** _np_

 

 **Aipom:** _Allura! Hows Lance?_

 

 **Cresselia:** _idk he went over to Alex’s_

 

 **Cresselia:** _hes trying to fix their relationship afer what happened_

 

 **Mattatta:** _i talked to him earlier hes not doing to good_

 

 **Watchog:** _indeed my boy called me this morning and I could tell he was still upset_

**Watchog:** _he did a good job of hiding it_

 

 **Pidgeot:** _is he still mad at us?_

 

 **Cresselia:** _hes more mad at himself for trusting you_

 

 **Pidgeot:** _I tried apologising to him but he wont speak to me_

 

 **Pidgeot:** _he keeps leaving everytime I see him_

 

 **Zorua:** _I spoke to him in math_

 

 **Ursaring:** _you mean you yelled at him in math_

 

 **Zorua:** _I didn’t yell!_

 

 **Ursaring:** _uh huh_

 

 **Aipom:** _listen obviously were all upset right now and thats fine_

 

 **Aipom:** _but we cant blame each other_

 

 **Cresselia:** _why not?_

 

 **Cresselia:** _it was their fault after all_

 

 **Zorua:** _it was not!_

 

 **Cresselia:** _you had no reason to yell at him like you did!_

 

 **Pidgeot:** _I don’t like when couples get all gross and shit in the main chat ok?!_

 

 **Pidgeot:** _that’s what the privates are for!_

 

 **Ursaring:** _but you didn’t have to say what you did_

 

 **Ursaring:** _you didn’t have to make lance feel bad_

 

 **Mattatta:** _okay that’s enough_

 

 **Mattatta:** _how do we fix this_

 

 **Cresselia:** ……

 

 **Sunflora:** _Allura please we’re all really sorry and we want to make this right_

 

 **Sunflora:** _Lance is our friend and I for one don’t want to lose any of my friends_

 

 **Sunflora:** _so will you please help us apologise??_

 

 **Cresselia:** _Hunk?_

 

 **Ursaring:** _well I don’t like fighting…._

 

 **Cresselia:** _Coran?_

 

 **Watchog:** _you know Lance wouldn’t want to lose anyone he cares about_

 

 **Cresselia:** _no matter how angry he is with you all hed never want to stop being friends_

 

 **Cresselia:** _ill help but if this happens again im removing you all from his lfe_

 

 **Cresslia:** _I wont allow toxic people in Lance’s life_

 

 **Aipom:** _we understand_

 

 **Sunflora:** _what do we need to do?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey fam. So what I did here was give an overview of how Lance is feeling in this situation. He feels angry at his friends for not being supportive, he feels angry at himself for thinking it was a good idea to introduce them so soon. Basically he's going through it all and Alex is unknowingly adding the blame on Lance.  
> While Alex didn't know it, this was technically rape. Lance was unwilling and was coerced into it with guilt.


	14. Chapter Fourteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More angst whoops.

It’s close to midnight when Lance returns home from Alex’s house. After their - ahem- time together, they had settled down and watched one of Alex’s history documentaries. Needless to say Lance had fallen asleep and is now rushing to get back before his parents do.

Of course nothing is ever that easy, especially for Lance and it’s just his luck that when he opens the door it’s his Mama’s face he sees.

“Lancito, you’re home late.” Her voice shows no emotion, yet it sends fear rippling through Lance like waves over the ocean.

“I-I’m sorry Mama, I was-“ a sharp resounding CLAP interrupts him and judging by the rapidly growing warmth on his cheek, he won’t be able to hide this bruise with a dab of make-up like usual. He turns his head back to face steely blue eyes and a deepening scowl.

“Don’t give me your pathetic excuses, ti poca merda. I am your Mother and I have a right to know where you’ve been. Now tell me.”

“I was…” Lance hesitates but the darkening look in his Mama’s eye wins him over. “I was with my… boyfriend.” Of all the things Lance’s Mother was waiting for, that wasn’t it because for a moment she looked taken aback. All too soon however her look changes to outrage.

“Boyfriend?! You’ve been sneaking off to have sex with some boy?! My son, a fag!” Every word feels like a bullet but honestly he doesn’t know what he was expecting. This is going better than he thought it would, really. His Mama’s hand grasps him by the back of the neck and soon he’s being dragged downstairs, the all familiar dread brewing in his stomach. “I’ll show you what happens to fags in this household, puttana.”

The door to the basement shuts behind them and in the dark damp space underneath the house, Lance quivers fearfully. He hopes to all higher powers in the universe that his siblings never have to see this room. Dried blood splattered along the walls and floor, some being years old while others relatively fresh. A messy pile of various tools such as hammers and knives, also covered in crimson.

This is the place of his nightmares, the place that consumes his waking thoughts and imbeds terror into his heart more times than he can count. He knows every nook and cranny of this room and what he knows above all else is that there is no getting out without permission.

“Now don’t look at me like that, I’m doing this because I have to. You need to learn your place, Lanzo, you are _nothing more_ than a dirt smudge upon my shoe. Now if you behave then this will be over quickly.” But to his Mama, Lance never behaves.

 

\---------------------------------------------------

 

Thursday morning brings them to a total of three days of avoiding each other and with each passing minutes the tension only grows. It doesn’t go out of Keith’s notice that Lance has a giant bruise on his cheek but the boy has always been accident prone so it isn’t hard to brush it off as another untied shoelace incident.

He can’t say he doesn’t try to talk to the two of them, he’s approached many times only to have the lanky boy and his Samoan friend leave before a word can get out. It’s becoming quite tiresome if he’s honest. But life seems to have seen how pitifully he’s doing and gives him a hand, in the form of a school play with Lance’s name written neatly on the signing sheet.

Now Keith has never had a huge interest in theatre, in fact he finds it kind of boring but it’s the best chance he has at talking to Lance without the boy walking out on him. So before he can overthink his decision he scribbles his name underneath the Cuban’s and bolts. No doubt Pidge will give him shit for this but if everything goes well then it’s worth the humiliation. The… complete…. And utter… humiliation….. on… stage…

Yeah Keith’s screwed. Maybe he can convince Pidge to join with him. Bribe her with coffee or food, though knowing the Gremlin she’d just make him buy her food anyway. God why does friendship require so much effort?

 

To add to the annoyance building on Keith’s mood, he’s been seeing Alex hanging around their school entrance a lot. He knows for a fact that Lance’s boyfriend does not attend Altea High School (which he’s thankful for because if he was forced to see Alex’s face every day he just might punch him).

Seriously though, what kind of creeper stands outside of a school every day? Doesn’t this guy have his own school to attend?! Why can’t everyone just stop rubbing it in Keith’s face that Lance doesn’t fucking like him?!

Keith takes in a shaky breath and enters the cafeteria, taking his usual seat with Pidge at their designated table. As it has been for the last few days they are the only two sitting there and despite his indifferent exterior, Keith is not a fan of the emptiness surrounding them. He and Pidge just aren’t as talkative as Hunk and lance are, they don’t have much to say and if they do it’s usually brief and to the point. They don’t do the whole useless banter like Lance, and yet they miss it.

He just needs to keep his brave face on, the first play rehearsal is tomorrow. There he can talk to Lance and fix everything. Tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this week's been pretty shit if I'm honest. I had a mental breakdown on Tuesday, almost had a second on Wednesday and my anxiety has been spiking constantly. I've also been pretty sad but this story helps filter that out. So how are you guys? Hope you're all having beautiful dreams full of your fav otps. I love all of you, you don't know how much it means to me when I see people actually enjoying this story. I get tears man.
> 
> ti poca merda - you little shit  
> puttana - slut/whore


	15. Chapter Fifteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A nice angst less chapter for you to enjoy. Also Girlfriend reveal!!!!!

Pidge doesn’t want to say that she’s had a good week. She hasn’t. Two of her closest friends have isolated themselves because she couldn’t keep her mouth shut. It stung and if she weren’t so freaking petty then maybe she’d do something about it, but this is Katie Holt we’re talking about. She has a reputation to uphold.

Point is, it’s been pretty sucky. Which is why she doesn’t deserve to be this happy right now. Where did this happiness stem from? Only the most amazing girl in the world. Pidge can quite honestly admit to being smitten with Beezer, she has been since she first laid eyes on her, but never would she have thought that she’d have the chance to go out on a second date with this girl.

It had been as awkward and adorable as the first, Beezer had taken her to a robot themed restaurant. It had Pidge close to tears. Nobody but her friends had taken this much interest in what she’s said before.

So now Pidge is stuck between squealing like a teenage girl (which she is but that’s unimportant) or wallowing in her guilt. But of course the world can’t just let her sort out how she should go about apologising, no life needs to distract her from what’s important with other important things. Like her (maybe, hasn’t asked yet) girlfriend.

 

** {BeezKneez sent a private message to PidgePie} **

 

 **BeezKneez:** _hey Pidgie_

 

 **PidgePie:** _hey Beezie_

 

 **BeezKneez:** _your a copy cat_

 

 **PidgePie:** _your adorable_

 

 **BeezKneez:** _aaaaaaah_

 

 **BeezKneez:** _anyways I wanted to ask if your busy rn_

 

 **PidgePie:** _not that I know if_

 

 **PidgePie:** _why_

 

 **BeezKneez:** _;-)_

 

 **PidgePie:** _suspicious_

 

 **BeezKneez:** _meet me at the park in 5?_

 

 **PidgePie:** _last one there buys coffee tomorrow_

 

 **BeezKneez:** _YOU LITTKNJFK JSITI_

 

The park is strangely empty for 5 in the afternoon. Or maybe not, Pidge isn’t sure. She hasn’t actually gone to a park in years. Is this what direct sunlight feels like? Ew. It takes her a minimum of three minutes to find Beezer sitting on a park bench by the water fountain, and honestly Jesus Christ how is she so perfect? It’s like a scene from some cheesy rom-com, with the sun reflecting off of the water just enough to leave Beezer glowing and Pidge’s heart explodes.

She walks over and upon catching the girl’s attention, smiles shyly. Beezer grins and jumps up, throwing her arms around Pidge tight enough that she can feel her bones cracking but she hugs back anyway.

“Hey.”

“Hey.” They smile dorkily at each other and in this moment, Pidge can’t even be mad about having to buy them both coffee later. “So is there a particular reason you wanted to meet here?”

Beezer chuckles (and wow her laugh is adorable). “Can’t I just want to see you?” With that Beezer grasps Pidge’s hand in her own and leads them down a path, stopping every now and then to admire the nature. Pidge can’t even lie, she was staring at Beezer the whole time. Is she embarrassed? Yes. Does she regret it? Nope. She won’t be ashamed for allowing herself to admire the view. The view that is her (maybe (Damn if she hadn’t pissed off Lance then she could have gotten his advice on this)) girlfriend.

They carry on like this for nearly two hours, stopping to get pretzels at a nearby stand. It’s calm, it’s quiet and it’s everything that Pidge could ever want. So she doesn’t even think twice when she leans down and kisses her.

There’s no hesitation from the other girl and when they part Pidge can definitely see a blush on her cheeks. Beezer smirks.

“And here I thought I’d need to make the first move. You surprised me Pidgie.” Said girl blushes a dark shade of red and turns away in embarrassment.

“S-shut up, you enjoyed it.” Beezer tilts herself onto her toes and plants her lips onto the Italian’s cheek.

“Yeah I did.”

 

\---------------------------------

 

** {BeezKneez sent a private message to PidgePie} **

 

 **BeezKneez:** _I had fun on our date;)_

 

 **PidgePie:** _me too_

 

 **PidgePie:** _so hey are we dating_

 

 **BeezKneez:** _are_

 

 **BeezKneez:** _are you serious?_

 

 **PidgePie:** _im sorry but im super oblivious to these things and like my usual go to advice giver isn’t available at this time so I have no idea what im doing_

 

 **BeezKneez:** _dont apologise its fine_

 

 **BeezKneez:** _id like to think were dating_

 

 **PidgePie:** _so your my girlfriend now?_

 

 **BeezKneez:** _yep_

 

 **PidgePie:** _Nice_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Humanized Beezer! How many of you were expecting that? Beezer is an inch or two shorter than Pidge but she's the more confidant one when it comes to relationships. I love my lesbian daughters:)


	16. Chapter Sixteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is that... An end to angst I see?

There are few people who know Lance’s weakness, these are his siblings, his parents and Hunk. What is this weakness you ask? He is very easily guilt-tripped. One comment on how someone needs help or a past mistake that led to a fight is all it takes to have Lance indebted to them. It’s because of this weakness that he was so easily convinced to re-join the group chat. All Hunk had to do was mention how fighting makes him anxious and Lance was reaching for his phone.

So now he’s here, on his bed and staring blankly at the dark phone screen. Why does he have to be such a pushover for people? Why can’t he just not care like everyone else? No Lance needs to make everyone happy even when they don’t deserve it because otherwise he’ll feel bad and end up apologising. He frowns and unlocks his phone, opening the messaging app with reluctance.

 

** {BlueSp00k re-joined the group chat} **

 

 **Ursaring:** _hey Lance_

 

 **Cresselia:** _my blue boy!!!_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _Hunk, ‘Llura a pleasure as always_

 

 **Watchog:** _Lance my boy how are you feeling?_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _im fine Coran :^) I just needed some time to cool off_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _where are the other members of this chat_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _don’t tell me my absence has caused a rift between the group_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _darn I knew I was the support pillar_

 

 **Zorua:** _as if_

 

 **Aipom:** _welcome back Lance_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _nice to be back Shiro_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _I guess u could say I was…_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _ShiroGONE too long;^)_

 

 **Aipom:** _*sigh*_

 

 **Aipom:** _just this once ill allow the pun_

 

 **Sunflora:** _Lance im so happy youre back! Are you still upset?!_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** Shay my gorgeous girl

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _tho my heart bled for many days I have since revived myself to my natural glory_

 

 **Mattatta:** _your happier than I thought you would eb_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _food is the medicine for all forms of emotional overload:3_

 

 **Ursaring:** _aka hes been stealing my food this whole week_

 

 **Ursaring:** _he cleared my kitchen of everything no joke_

 

 **Sunflora:** _Lance that isn’t healthy_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _relax beautiful_

 

 **Cresselia:** _no need to worry Lance has done this in the past_

 

 **Cresselia:** _give him a day and he’ll have burned off all those carbs without even trying_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _is that jealousy I hear in ur voice dear?_

 

 **Cresselia:** _YES HOW THE FUCK DO YOU NOT GAIN WEIGHT_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _secret technique ;^)_

 

 **Pidgeot:** _Lance?_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _oh wats this?_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _a small mortal praying to me?_

 

 **Pidgeot:** _can we dm real quick?_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _look at that im so popular_

 

 

** {BlueSp00k sent a private message to PiddlePop} **

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _what is it u need youngling?_

**PiddlePop:** _i just thought it would be easier to do this without the rest of the group there_

 

 **PiddlePop:** _im so sorry Lance_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _ur forgiven_

 

 **PiddlePop:** _wait what?_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _its fine Pidge I cant even remember what happened_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _all in the past_

 

 **PiddlePop:** _but I haven’t even apologised properly_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _u don’t need to_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _I shouldn’t have invited alex to the chat it obviously made u uncomfortable_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _im sorry for overreacting when u called me out_

 

 **PiddlePop:** _don’t do that!_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _???_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _do what?_

 

 **PiddlePop:** _pretend that its all better so that everyone else is happy_

 

 **PiddlePop:** _your allowed to be angry at us Lance_

 

 **PiddlePop:** _hell you should be after what went down_

 

 **PiddlePop:** _let me make it up to you_

 

 **PiddlePop:** _forgive me because you actually want to_

 

 **PiddlePop:** _please_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _ok then :^) lets try this again_

 

 **PiddlePop:** _Lance I apologise for being a self-infused ass and ignoring how happy your relationship made you_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _Pidge I apologise for overlooking your views on the matter and instead putting you in a situation where you felt the need to yell at me_

 

 **PiddlePop:** _we cool?_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _idk abot u but im the coolest B^)_

 

 **PiddlePop:** _you’re a loser lol_

 

 **PiddlePop:** _hey Lance?_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _yes smol gremlin?_

 

 **PiddlePop:** _thanks for not hating me_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _I could never_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _yor like a sister to me_

 

 **PiddlePop:** _OKAY THAT’S ENOUGH FEELINGS EW_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _aw but Pidgey you looooooove me_

 

 **PiddlePop:** _you have no proof_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _I have screenshots_

 

**PiddlePop:** _ill wipe your phone_

 

**BlueSp00k:** _just finished backing them up onto multiple devices_

 

 **PiddlePop:** _I trained you well_

 

 

** {BlueSp00k has sent a message to The Nerd Herd} **

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _Pidge loves me:3_

 

 **Pidgeot:** _if not for the laws of this country I would kill you right now_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _no u wouldn’t_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _because u loooooove me_

 

 **Aipom:** _I take it you guys made up_

 

 **Pidgeot:** _sadly_

 

 **Watchog:** _Lance is that you I hear entering through the back door?_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _yeet_

 

 **Aipom:** _why?_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _Allura has an icecream stash and I know where it is_

 

 **Cresselia:** _BITCH YOU BETTER NOT_

 

 **Ursaring:** _rip Lance no one gets in between Allura and her ice cream_

 

 **Zorua:** _why don’t you just eat your own food?_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _what was that?_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _I thought I heard a voice_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _but that cant be because it sounds just like the person I told never to talk to me again_

 

 **Mattatta:** _ooooh that’s petty dang_

 

 **Aipom:** _I don’t see this ending well_

 

 **Zorua:** _I thought you were over that now_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _hey Coran do u still hav those red liquorice things?_

 

 **Watchog:** _erm no_

 

**Zorua:** _seriously? Youre going to ignore me?_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _Hunk would u be a dear and tell Keith that I have nothing to say to him?_

 

 **Ursaring:** _uh…. He has nothing to say to you?_

 

 **Zorua:** _stop being so childish_

 

 **Sunflora:** _oh my_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _ah yes im being childish for not forgiving you_

 

 **Zorua:** _yes! You forgave everyone else!_

 

 **Bluesp00k:** _everyone else also apologised without blaming me_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _funny how that worked in their favour huh_

 

 **Aipom:** _okay!_

 

 **Cresselia:** _Lance why don’t you come help me paint my nails? You know I always have trouble doing my hands_

 

 **Watchog:** _you can even stay for the night if youd like_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _thatd be nice_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _thanks guys_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The angst never ends you fool. Lance and Pidge made up though so they'll talk about their love lives soon. Lance and Keith however *dun dun dun*...


	17. Chapter Seventeen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so Christmas begins because hey Halloween is over.

** {BlueSp00k has sent a message to The Nerd Herd} **

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _Brushing your teeth is the only time you ever clean your skeleton_

 

 **Pidgeot:** _…Lance what the actual fuck_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _how clean is ur skeleton?_

 

 **Pidgeot:** _I_

 

 **Pidgeot:** _go to sleep_

 

\--------------------------------------

 

** {BlueSp00k has sent a message to The Nerd Herd} **

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _To your stomach all potato is mashed_

 

 **Pidgeot:** _I thought I told you to sleep_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _you did_

 

 **Pidgeot:** _mate don’t test me_

 

 **Pidgeot:** _go to bed_

 

\--------------------------------

 

** {BlueSp00k has sent a message to The Nerd Herd} **

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _im still it from that game of tag when I wasfiev_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _will I be it forever now?_

 

 **Pidgeot:** _im this close to fucking waking Shiro to deal with you_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _your probably still it too Pidge_

 

 **Pidgeot:** _…._

 

\-----------------------------

 

** {BlueSp00k has sent a message to The Nerd Herd} **

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _if two people on opposite sides of the world dropped a piece of bread then the earth would be a sandwich_

 

 **Pidgeot:** _that’s it_

 

 **Pidgeot:** _SHIROOOOOOOOOO_

 

 **Aipom:** _death is that you?_

 

 **Aipom:** _oh Nevermind_

 

 **Aipom:** _yes Pidge?_

 

 **Pidgeot:** _get Lance to go to sleep and stop bothering me with these weird ideas_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _Shiro_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _a buttload of underwear is just one pair_

 

 **Pidgeot:** _see what I mean?_

 

 **Aipom:** _hm I never thought of that_

 

 **Aipom:** _how strange_

 

 **Pidgeot:** _SHIRO_

 

 **Aipom:** _fine_

 

 **Aipom:** _Lance Pidge you young children should be sleeping at this time of night_

 

 **Pidgeot:** _don’t bring me into this!_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _but its morning_

 

 **Pidgeot:** _4 in the morning_

 

 **Pidgeot:** _when I would like to be sleeping_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _I cant sleep_

 

 **Aipom:** _why not_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _can I talk to u guys in a different chat?_

 

 **Aipom:** _of course_

 

 

** {BlueSp00k has added ShiroGONE and PidgeGunderson to a group chat} **

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _do you think I was too harsh on Keith?_

 

 **PidgeGunderson:** _that’s what this is about?_

 

 **PidgeGunderson:** _lance ive already told you youre allowed to have feelings_

 

 **PidgeGunderson:** _you don’t have to forgive him if youre not ready_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _yeah but what I said was kinda mean_

 

 **ShiroGONE:** _look Lance I know that youre conflicted_

 

 **ShiroGONE:** _but its probably best to avoid confrontation if youre not ready to make up_

 

 **ShiroGONE:** _that means that while what you said could have been nicer it was the right thing to do_

 

 **ShiroGONE:** _I love my brother but he does need to learn how to apologise properly_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _so I ignore him?_

 

 **ShiroGONE:** _no just don’t go out of your way_

 

 **ShiroGONE:** _maybe tell him that while youre not ready to forgive him you want to stay friends_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _what if I just forgive him?_

 

 **PidgeGunderson:** _mate I will not repeat myself_

 

 **ShiroGONE:** _forgiving someone before youre ready can lead to you resenting them for it so its probably best not to_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _hm_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _k thanks for the advice_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _sorry for keeping you guys awake_

 

**PidgeGunderson _:_** _its whatever_

 

 

\-----------------------------------

 

** {Zorua has sent a message to The Nerd Herd} **

 

 **Zorua:** _I wake up to a spam_

 

 **Zorua:** _does anyone ever sleep?_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _nope_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _im running purely on caffeine at this point_

 

 **Zorua:** _oh_

 

 **Zorua:** _youre speaking to me?_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _what I said yesterday was douchey so_

 

 **Zorua:** _does this mean we’re friends again?_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _im still mad at u_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _apologise right and we’ll see_

 

 **Zorua:** _I guess I have my work cut out for me then: )_

 

 **Pidgeot:** _naw look at these two_

 

 **Mattatta:** _im so proud of my bois communicating_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _OMG IT COMPLETELY SLIPPED MY MIND_

 

 **Zorua:** _???_

 

** {BlueSp00k has changed their name to Elf Boi} **

 

** {Elf Boi has changed Zorua’s name to r00dolph} **

 

** {Elf Boi has changed Pidgeot’s name to The Grinch} **

****

** {Elf Boi has changed Cresselia’s name to Sugarplum Fairy} **

****

** {Elf Boi has changed Watchog’s name to Jingle Bell} **

****

** {Elf Boi has changed Sunflora’s name to Angel} **

****

** {Elf Boi has changed Ursaring’s name to Rein-Dearest} **

****

** {Elf Boi has changed Mattatta’s name to Tree Boi} **

****

** {Aipom has changed their name to I Asked Santa For Death This Christmas} **

 

 **Elf Boi:** _Shiro what the fuck_

 

 **I Asked Santa For Death This Christmas:** _I thought I should be honest_

 

** {Elf Boi has changed I Asked Santa For Death This Christmas’ name to Daddy Christmas] **

 

 **Daddy Christmas:** _how is this better?_

 

**r00dolph:** _ummm excuse me?_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _what its perfect_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _because when its cold your nose goes all cute and red_

 

 **Tree Boi:** _omg_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _and you’re a rude ass bitch_

 

 **The Grinch:** _moment ruined_

 

 **The Grinch:** _how are you Keith?_

 

 **r00dolph:** _…._

 

 **Elf Boi:** _anyway_

 

** {Elf Boi has changed the group chat name to JOLLY FUCKS} **

 

 **Elf Boi:** _get ready for christmas guys_

 

 **The Grinch:** _Lance its not even mid November_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _hence why ur the Grinch_

 

 **Sugarplum Fairy:** _omg finally_

 

 **Sugarplum Fairy:** _ive been waiting all year for this_

 

 **Sugarplum Fairy:** _Lance wanna help me and Coran get everything out of the attic_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _boo where do you think Im hanging right this second_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _also can you start dusting in here like wow_

 

 **Sugarplum Fairy:** _ah yes coz cleaning our attic is the first thing we need to do_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _don’t sass me_

 

 **Sugarplum Fairy:** _then don’t say stupid shit_

 

 **The Grinch:** _oooooooooh_

 

 **Rein-Dearest:** _Oh I can start baking Christmas cookies!_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _WHOOP_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _yo this Christmas is gonna be lit_

 

 **Tree Boi:** _every Christmas is “lit” to you Lance_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _that’s how I know its gonna be lit_

 

 **The Grinch:** _sigh_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _Christmas is approaching Grinch_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _you cant escape it_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun Fact: all the Christmas themed names are actually from a group chat with my friends, including Daddy Christmas. We're a festive bunch. Also Klance is less angsty, Keith is planning out his apology and Lance is simmering down a notch.


	18. Chapter Eighteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo yo yo wassup people!!! So most of these are going to be kind of fillers. Nothing super serious happens until christmas which is coming closer~~~

** {Sugarplum Fairy has sent 5 pictures to the group chat} **

 

 **Sugarplum Fairy:** _has you ever seen someone more beautiful_

 

 **Rein-Dearest:** _Lance youre adorable!!_

 

 **Daddy Christmas:** _is he doing that on purpose?_

 

 **Tree Boi:** _im proud of my son_

 

 **Tree Boi** : _wat a catch_

 

 **The Grinch:** _god damnit_

 

**The Grinch:** _I cant be snarky about those pics_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _Allura! When did you take tht_

 

 **Sugarplum Fairy:** _while you were distracted with untangling the lights_

 

 **Sugarplum Fairy:** _you just looked so precious with your little tongue poking out_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _don’t say that its weird_

 

 **The Grinch:** _excuse?!_

 

 **Tree Boi:** _Lance you smol fluff_

 

 **Tree Boi:** _accept our praises_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _whatev_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _anyway so I found the tree ornaments but the house lights are stuffed behind some giant thingy_

 

 **r00dolph:** _giant thingy?_

 

 **Jingle Bells:** _don’t touch that!!!_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _?_

 

 **Jingle Bells:** _it’s a surprise_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _right well you can get the house lights then_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _I need to get home_

 

 **Sugarplum Fairy:** _say hi to Adrien for me_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _if hes not at soccer practice then sure_

 

 **Rein-Dearest:** _yo Lance are you free this weekedn_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _it all depends on the minis_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _ill return with an answer in max two hours_

 

 **r00dolph:** _question_

 

 **r00dolph:** _why is it up to your siblings_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _well if they already have plans then I wont be free will i?_

 

 **r00dolph:** _well why don’t your parents just take them_

 

 **Jingle Bells:** _that is a good point Lance_

 

 **Jingle Bells:** _I haven’t talked to your parents in a while_

 

 **Jingle Bells:** _should I call them?_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _what? NO!_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _look mum and dad are busy with work and ask me to help out a bit_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _theres really no problem_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _I just need to babysit a lot_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _I gotta go drive safely_

 

 **r00dolph:** _suspicious much_

 

 **Rein-Dearest:** _yeah but don’t push it too hard_

 

 **Rein-Dearest:** _Lance doesn’t like talking bout it even with me :/_

 

\-------------------------------

 

** {Sugarplum Fairy sent a message to JOLLY FUCKS} **

 

 **Sugarplum Fairy:** _yall are invited to Coran and I’s christmas party_

 

 **Rein-dearest:** _id hope so after all the years weve been friends_

 

 **Sugarplum Fairy:** _shush Hunk this is a formality_

 

 **Daddy Christmas:** _id love to come Allura: )_

 

 **Tree Boi:** _will there be alcohol?_

 

 **Sugarplum Fairy:** _yes_

 

 **Tree Boi:** _count me and Pidge in_

 

 **The Grinch:** _I don’t gete a say so sure_

 

 **The Grinch:** _you coming Keith?_

 

 **r00dolph:** _uh maybe_

 

 **Sugarplum Fairy:** _that’s a yes_

 

 **Sugarplum Fairy:** _Shay?_

 

 **Angel:** _I should be free_

 

 **Sugarplum Fairy:** _great I cant wait to see you all there_

 

 **Sugarplum Fairy:** _its being held the week before Christmas and itll be lit_

 

 **r00dolph:** _is Lance going?_

 

 **Sugarplum Fairy:** _lol that’s funny_

 

 **Sugarplum Fairy:** _as though he has a choice_

 

 **Rein-Dearest:** _Lance and I have been attending Allura’s parties since we were twelve_

 

 **Rein-Dearest:** _before that he’d go alone_

 

 **Sugarplum Fairy:** _we take our traditions very seriously_

 

 **r00dolph:** _noted_

 

 **Daddy Christmas:** _well im sure we’re all going to have a wonderful time_

 

 **Sugarplum Fairy:** _im positive you will;)_

 

\------------------------------

 

** {Takashit sent a private message to BaneofMyExistence} **

 

 **Takashit:** _fuck I think I like Allura_

 

 **BaneofMyExistence:** _I thought you had a crush on Matt_

 

 **Takashit:** _what why_

 

 **BaneofMyExistence:** _uhhhhh Nevermind_

 

 **Takashit:** _what do I do_

 

 **BaneofMyExistence:** _you realise who your asking right?_

 

 **BaneofMyExistence:** _the guy whos been pining for over 4 years now?_

 

 **BaneofMyExistence:** _almost ruined his entire friendship because he was jealous?_

 

 **BaneofMyExistence:** _that guy_

 

 **Takashit:** _pls I need help_

 

 **BaneofMyExistence:** _just ask Lance_

 

 **Takashit:** _NO_

 

 **Takashit:** _Lance and Allura are practically cousins remember?!_

 

 **Takashit:** _he’d spill the metaphorical beans_

 

 **BaneofMyExistence:** _give him some credit_

 

 **Takashit:** _even if he didn’t tell er im pretty sure he wouldn’t like me crushing on his cousin_

 

 **BaneofMyExistence:** _Allura doesn’t have a problem with me liking him_

 

 **BaneofMyExistence:** _im pretty sure hell just be thrilled to ship you guys_

 

 **Takashit:** _good point_

 

 **Takashit:** _but ill wait until hes back online_

 

 **BaneofMyExistence:** _yeah no shit_

 

 **Takashit:** _don’t sass me Keith_

 

** {BaneofMyExistence has changed their name to FuckYou} **

 

 **Takashit:** _unnecessary_

 

 **FuckYou:** _your unnecessary_

 

\------------------------------

 

**{Tree Boi has sent a message to JOLLY FUCKS}**

 

 **Tree Boi:** _HOW COULD THEY JUST ALLOW HIM TO RUN THE HOUSE_

 

 **Tree Boi:** _I WOULD SLAP HIM SILLY IF HE WALTZED INTO MY PLACE_

 

 **r00dolph:** _???_

 

 **The Grinch:** _hes watching cat in the hat_

 

 **Daddy Christmas:** _Matt why_

 

 **Tree Boi:** _FOR THE MEME SHIRO_

 

**Tree Boi:** _THE MEME_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _wow what a convo to come back to_

 

 **Tree Boi:** _LANCE_

 

 **Tree Boi:** _TELL THIS MAN THE IMPORTANCE OF WATCHING A MEME_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _one must do what they have to_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _the memes must live on through us_

 

**Elf Boi:** _so that one day in the future our descendants may look at all that we have done and see_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _that we were the dankest_

 

 **Rein-Dearest:** _*wipes tear* that was beautiful_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _*dabs*_

 

 **Tree Boi:** _HOW ARE THEY NOT DEAD AFTER ALL OF THIS SHIT_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _oh yeah Hunk were chill for this weekend but I need to be home before lunch on Sunday_

 

 **Rein-Dearest:** _that’s cool_

 

 **Rein-Dearest:** _hey Keith do you wanna come over 2?_

 

 **r00dolph:** _oh uh sure_

 

 **Daddy Christmas:** _look at my little brother being social_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _Proud Daddy™_

 

 **Daddy Christmas:** _I know where Keith hides his knives don’t test me_

 

 **r00dolph:** _no you don’t you fuck_

 

 **Daddy Christmas:** _under the loose board on the third step_

 

 **r00dolph:** _…_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _hes been found out!_

 

 **Daddy Christmas:** _lol I hear him frantically moving his knives_

 

 **r00dolph:** _somewhere youll never find them_

 

 **Daddy Christmas:** _no doubt ill stumble upon them within 24 hours_

 

 **r00dolph:** _no_

 

 **r00dolph:** _because theyre somewhere youll enver find them_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _sounds fake but okay_

 

 **The Grinch:** _are we all just ignoring that Lance dabbed_

 

 **Tree Boi:** _CAT YOU FUCKING BINCH HOW PETTY ARE YOU_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm having lots of fun with this right now. Not much angst coz I'm in a good mood. Why? I asked out my crush and they said yes. Almost had a heart attack X_X. More pining to come.


	19. Chapter Nineteen

** {Princess sent a private message to Prince} **

 

 **Princess:** _yo_

 

 **Prince:** _ooh who’ve you got a crush on?_

 

 **Princess:** _how is it you can always tell_

 

 **Prince:** _it’s a gift now spill_

 

 **Princess:** _erm well you see_

 

 **Prince:** _is it Shiro?_

 

 **Princess:** _sort of?_

 

 **Prince:** _sort of?_

 

 **Princess:** _weeeeeeeeeell I do have a crush on him but_

 

 **Prince:** _*gasp* drama?_

 

 **Princess:** _I find myself being incredibly attracted to Matt also_

 

 **Prince:** _A love triangle_

 

 **Prince:** _the most notorious of plot twists_

 

 **Princess:** _Lance_

 

 **Prince:** _Let me have my fun_

 

 **Princess:** _I need help_

 

 **Princess:** _what do I do?_

 

 **Princess:** _I like both of them but I don’t want to choose between them_

 

 **Prince:** _gimme like two secs to find a solution_

 

 **Princess:** _yet another gift you have_

 

 **Princess:** _somehow you always manage to find a way around problems_

 

 **Prince:** _Ok so here’s the dealio_

 

 **Prince:** _you like two smoking hot men_

 

 **Prince:** _and they would be fools not to like you because you are equally smoking hot_

 

 **Princess:** _ty_

 

 **Prince:** _Suggestion put on the table is date them both_

 

 **Princess:** _How?_

 

 **Prince:** _Expanding on that_

 

 **Prince:** _step one: I find out how they feel about you_

 

 **Prince:** _if all is well we move onto step two_

 

 **Prince:** _step two: talk to the both of them, explain how you are open to a three way relationship_

 

 **Prince:** _polyamory is the name of what you want if im reading the situation right_

 

 **Princess:** _*gasps*_

 

 **Prince:** _*gasps inspanish*_

 

 **Princess:** _Lancey Lance my sweet son_

 

 **Princess:** _youre such a smart boy!_

 

 **Prince:** _ty ty_

 

 **Prince:** _yo the kids are chilling if you want to come see them_

 

 **Princess:** _ADRIEN MY LOVELY SON_

 

 **Prince:** _I thought I was ur sonD:_

 

 **Princess:** _you’ve been replaced by my angel_

 

 **Prince:** _D:_

 

 

** {Elf Boi sent a message to Jolly Fucks} **

 

 **Elf Boi:** _Top Ten Anime Betrayals™_

 

 **The Grinch:** _what happened this time?_

 

 **Sugarplum Fairy:** _nothing Lance is just jealous_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _I HELP YOU OUT_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _I SOLVE YOUR ISSUES_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _AND YOU CAST ME ASIDE LIKE IM NOTHING_

 

 **r00dolph:** _lol_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _quit ur laughing Mullet_

 

 **r00dolph:** _or what_

 

 **Daddy Christmas:** _I think we’re getting off topic here_

 

 **The Grinch:** _and what is the topic exactly_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _Allura played favourites_

 

 **Rein-Dearest:** _she didn’t!_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _I know!_

 

 **Sugarplum Fairy:** _boo hoo so I prefer your adorable younger brother over you_

 

 **Sugarplum Fairy:** _why are you surprised_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _not surprised_

 

**Elf Boi:** _just hurt_

 

 **r00dolph:** whats it gonna take to get you to stop complaining?

 

 **Elf Boi:** _depends on how willing u are to drive me to maccas_

 

 **r00dolph:** _only if you buy me a frappe_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _done now come pick me up_

 

 **r00dolph:** _omw_

 

 **The Grinch:** _what did we just witness_

 

 **Angel:** _something magical_

 

 **Tree Boi:** _and gay_

 

 **Daddy Christmas:** _Matt!_

 

 **Tree Boi:** _I mean that in the best way_

 

 **Sugarplum Fairy:** _speaking of gay_

 

 **The Grinch:** _nice segway_

 

 **Tree Boi:** _nice rhyme_

 

 **Sugarplum Fairy:** _if youre all comfortable with discussing it, I was wondering about everyone’s preferred pronouns and sexualities seeing as we never properly introduced ourselves_

 

 **Sugarplum Fairy:** _its completely alright if youd rather not answer_

 

 **Daddy Christmas:** _I think that’s a great idea and itll help everyone get to know eachother_

 

 **Sugarplum Fairy:** _ok ill start. I go by she/her and Im straight_

 

 **Tree Boi:** _Im a Flaming Bisexual™ and I go by he/him_

 

 **Angel:** _Im actually pan and I go by she/her_

 

 **Rein-Dearest:** _im straight and I go by he/him_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _like Matt I am also a flaming Bisexual™ and I mostly go by he/him but I don’t mind really_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _Keith would like everyone to know that he is “hella gay”_

 

 **The Grinch:** _same Keith_

 

 **The Grinch:** _im a giant lesbian_

 

**Daddy Christmas:** _what a nice way to put it_

 

 **The Grinch:** _I thought so_

 

 **Tree Boi:** _your turn Shiro:3_

 

 **Daddy Christmas:** _im male and while im not flaming I am bisexual_

 

 **Sugarplum Fairy:** _wonderful!_

 

 **Sugarplum Fairy:** _I can really feel us all bonding!_

 

 **Jingle Bells:** _you know I havrnt put much thought into my sexuality_

 

 **Jingle Bells:** _however I cant deny that I find Alfor quite “smokin” as you kids say_

 

 **Sugarplum Fairy:** _CORAN THAT’S MY FATHER_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _omg_

 

 **The Grinch:** _AHAHAAHAHAHA_

 

 **Daddy Christmas:** _nope_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So at this point the chapters are kind of fillers? They have stuff in them thats important to the story but these scenes arent actually the main plot. Everything will be picked up at the christmas party which will happen in the next few chapters. Bare with me, I'm getting there.


	20. Chapter Twenty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So much filler. Enjoy the Klance that I have graciously given you *delicately sprinkles fluff*

** {Elf Boi has sent a private message to r00dolph} **

 

 **Elf Boi:** _so on a scale of 1-10_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _how does this shirt look on me_

 

** {Elf Boi has sent a picture} **

 

 **r00dolph:** _what_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _I have a date with Alex and I don’t know if I should wear this shirt or_ _not_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _so I decided to get a non-biased opinion_

 

 **r00dolph:** _so you came to me?_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _yes_

 

 **r00dolph:** _I knw fuck all about fashion_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _yeah but u no me_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _so?_

 

 **r00dolph:** _uh do you have any blue shirts_

 

 **r00dolph:** _blue matches well with your eyes_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _really?! Thnks Keithy~~_

 

 **r00dolph:** _don’t call me that_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _too late_

 

** {Elf Boi has changed r00dolph’s name to Keithy} **

 

 **Keithy:** _…._

 

 **Elf Boi:** _whatcha gon do bout it_

 

** {Keithy has changed Elf Boi’s name to Lancey} **

 

 **Keithy:** _boom_

 

 **Lancey:** _Keiiiiiiiiiiiiiith~_

 

 **Keithy:** _oh shit_

 

 **Lancey:** _look at our cute matching name=3_

 

 **Keithy:** _your supposed ot be embarrassed!_

 

 **Lancey:** _lol for that I would need shame_

 

 **Lancey:** _which I am sorely lacking_

 

 **Keithy:** _cant argue with tha_

 

 **Lancey:** _k well I gotta go meet up with the bae_

 

 **Lancey:** _later_

 

 **Keithy:** _bye_

 

 

** {The Grinch has sent a message to JOLLY FUCKS} **

 

 **The Grinch:** _im just saying its not going to be the same without him_

 

 **Rein-Dearest:** _well of course not but that’s the point_

 

 **Rein-Dearest:** _this is a new actor whos going to view the role differently_

 

**r00dolph:** _whats the arguemant now_

 

 **Daddy Christmas:** _theyre not arguing_

 

 **Daddy Christmas:** _Pidge is just upset about someone leaving a musical she enjoy_ s

 

 **The Grinch:** _BEN PLATT IS A BEAUTIFUL AMAZING INDIVIDUAL AND IM STRAIGHT AS FUCK FOR HIM_

 

 **r00dolph:** _I love Ben Platt…_

 

 **r00dolph:** _my gay is strong for him_

 

 **Tree Boi:** _yanno who else is gay for Ben?_

 

 **Tree Boi:** _Lance McClain!!!!!!_

 

 **The Grinch:** _you might have to speak up I don’t think he heard you_

 

 **Tree Boi:** _MY SON LANCE “MEME MACHINE” MCCLAIN_

 

 **r00dolph:** _hes on a date_

 

 **Daddy Christmas:** _and you know this how?_

 

 **r00dolph:** _he was asking me what he should wear_

 

 **Sugarplum Fairy:** _he was what?_

 

 **r00dolph:** _is tht os hard to believe?_

 

 **Sugarplum Fairy:** _no its just that he usually asks me for fashion advice_

 

 **Sugarplum Fairy:** _did he say why he was asking you specifically?_

 

 **r00dolph:** _idk something about a non-biased opinion_

 

 **The Grinch:** so he went to you?

 

 **r00dolph:** _hey im very faur!_

 

 **The Grinch:** _mmhmmm_

 

 **The Grinch:** _so what did you tell him_

 

 **r00dolph:** _that he should wear a blue shurt because it compliments his eyes_

 

 **Sugarplum Fairy:** _ooh good call_

 

 **The Grinch:** _dang Keith your typos are at maximum percent today_

 

 **r00dolph:** _shut your mouth_

 

 **The Grinch:** _make me_

 

 **Tree Boi:** _know what? Most people would feel awkward saying this about their little sister but im not like other people so_

 

 **Tree Boi:** _KINKY_

 

 **The Grinch:** _you’re the Jared Klienman to my existence_

 

 **Tree Boi:** _naw_

 

 **The Grinch:** _unwanted and annoying_

 

 **Rein-Dearest:** _Ohhh good one Pidge_

 

 **Jingle Bells:** _and so the realisation that I am a grown man in a group chat with a bunch of teenagers falls upon me_

 

 **Daddy Christmas:** _I feel your pain_

 

 **Jingle Bells:** shut up you’re a fetus

 

 **r00dolph:** _best part is hes not wrong_

 

 **r00dolph:** _is he Shiro_

 

 **Daddy Christmas:** _Keith don’t do something youll regret_

 

 **r00dolph:** _Shiro’s birthday is on a leap year_

 

 **r00dolph:** _technically hes 6_

 

 **The Grinch:** _FETUS SHIRO IS CONFIRMED_

 

 **Tree Boi:** _I already knw but its nice to see people picking on him_

 

 **Rein-Dearest:** _aw Shiro that’s so cute_

 

 **Sugarplum Fairy:** _haha_

 

 **Daddy Christmas:** Lance would never treat me like this

 

 **The Grinch:** that’s because Lance is a suck up

 

**r00dolph:** _says the one who rolled a red carpet along the school hall the day Hunk made brownies_

 

 **Rein-Dearest:** _don’t listen to him Pidge I appreciated the gesture_

 

 **The Grinch:** _nothing but respect for my President™_

 

 **Tree Boi:** _the only president I have is my lord and saviour Jesus Christ_

 

 **Daddy Christmas:** _the only president I have is the sweet release of death_

 

 **r00dolph:** _lol me_

 

\------------------------

 

** {Elf Boi has sent a message to JOLLY FUCKS} **

 

 **Elf Boi:** _wow I missed a lot_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _u good Shiro?_

 

 **Daddy Christmas:** _*sighs in Dad*_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _lol so your actually a smol boi_

 

 **Daddy Christmas:** _pls don’t_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _does this make u_

 

 **Daddy Christmas:** _don’t say it_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _a Baby Daddy_

 

 **Daddy Christmas:** _ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh_

 

 **Elf Boi:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

 **Daddy Christmas:** _you’re a disappointment_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _ok Daddy_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo yo yo its been wild. My Christmas decorations have gone up which means I'm filled with Good Vibes™. The parents have been pretty chill and the whole of last week i was absent from school. So that's me right now.


	21. Chapter Twenty-One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is that angst I smell? Hm strange. (Ps. I've changed my chat style a tad as well so tell me what you prefer.)

** {Young ‘N’ Rotten} **

 

 **Sharkie:** _yo Keith whats the answer to the math question_

 

 **Gaylien:** _which one?_

 

 **Sharkie:** _All._

 

 **Goblin:** _ask your teacher_

 

 **Sharkie:** _ummm no?_

 

 **Hunkules:** _why not_

 

 **Gaylien:** _whenever anyone asks for help Mr Duraily starts a lectu_ re

 

 **Sharkie:** _and then everyone will be salty atm e_

 

 **Gaylien:** _want me to come over and help_

 

 **Sharkie:** _please_

 

 **Hunkules:** _Pidge do you have the diagram for the environmental health project_

 

 **Goblin:** _probably ill check_

 

 **Hunkules:** _thanks_

 

 **Goblin:** _wait_

 

 **Goblin:** _Lance is that your fucking boyfriend outside our class window?!_

 

 **Sharkie:** _wat_

 

**Goblin: {(1) image sent}**

 

 **Sharkie:** _omg it is_

 

 **Gaylien:** _whats he doing here?_

 

 **Sharkie:** _ill find out_

 

 

** {Babe <\----------> Bae<3} **

                                  

 **Babe:** _babe why are you outside Pidge’s classroom?_

 

 **Bae <3:** _wait this sint your class?_

 

 **Bae <3:** _damnit_

 

 **Babe:** _whatcha doing here?_

 

**Bae <3: ** _well I was hoping to convince you to skip the rest of the day and come over to my house;)_

 

**Babe:** _aw babe_

 

 **Babe:** _I would but I have rehearsal today_

 

 **Bae <3:** _you can afford to miss one day right?_

 

 **Babe:** _not if I want to get the lead role_

 

 **Bae <3:** _but baby…_

 

 **Babe:** _…_

 

 **Bae <3:** _please_

 

 **Bae <3:** _ive been feeling down and this would really cheer me up=(_

 

 **Babe:** _…ok_

 

 **Bae <3:** _great! Meet me out front after class!_

 

 **Bae <3:** _< 3_

 

 **Babe:** _< 3_

 

 

** {Young ‘N’ Rotten} **

 

 **Goblin:** _so?_

 

 **Sharkie:** _he came to pick me up_

 

 **Hunkules:** _in the middle of the day?_

 

 **Sharkie:** _yeah im skipping_

 

 **Gaylien:** _um but we have rehearsal_

 **Sharkie:** _I wont be able to make it today_

 

 **Gaylien:** _Lance if you miss it you might not get the lead_

 

 **Sharkie:** _I know_

 

 **Sharkie:** _but Alex isn’t feeling too great so I have to be there for him_

 

 **Hunkules:** _are you sure you cant just come back later_

 

 **Hunkules:** _this role is really important to you_

 

 **Sharkie:** _I know how important it is to me ive been dreaming about it for forever_

 

 **Sharkie:** _but Alex comes before that_

 

 

** {Hatie_Kolt has made a group chat} **

 

** {Hatie_Kolt has added Red.K and Hunk-Man} **

 

** {Hatie_Kolt has changed the chat name to Help Our Blue Boy} **

 

 **Hatie_Kolt:** _ok so I don’t like whats happening here_

 

 **Hunk-Man:** _me either_

 

 **Hunk-Man:** _Lance has been wanting the lead role for months now_

 

 **Red.K:** _I told you Alex was bad news_

 

 **Hatie_Kolt:** _yes I know you were right_

 

 **Hatie_Kolt:** _point is im not letting him mess up Lance’s future_

 

 **Hatie_Kolt:** _so we need a plan of action_

 

 **Hunk-Man:** _wait were not splitting them up are we?_

 

 **Red.K:** _that’s where I saw this leading_

 

 **Hunk-Man:** _guys we cant break them up_

 

 **Hunk-Man:** _have you seen how happy Lance is_

 

 **Hatie_Kolt:** _would you prefer him happy for a short time or happy in the long run_

 

 **Hatie_Kolt:** _because I don’t see this relationship heading anywhere but into the fucking flames_

 

 **Hatie_Kolt:** _so make up your mind now and decide if your going to watch Lance crumble alone or help us help him_

 

 **Hunk-Man:** _but I feel so guilty_

 

 **Red.K:** _Hunk it’s the right thing to do_

 

 **Hunk-Man:** _I know…_

 

 **Hatie_Kolt:** _look we wont involve you if you don’t want to be involved but you cant tell Lance about this chat_

 

 **Hatie_Kolt:** _under ANY circumstances_

 

 **Hunk-Man:** _alright_

 

 **Hunk-Man:** _just don’t hurt him please?_

 

 **Hatie_Kolt:** _who do you take us for_

 

 **Red.K:** _I would die before I hurt Lance again_

 

 **Hunk-Man:** _ok lets settle a bit jesus_

 

 

** {JOLLY FUCKS} **

 

 **The Grinch:** _gather round yall ive got a bone to pick_

 

 **Daddy Christmas:** _aren’t you in class_

 

 **Tree Boi:** _ooh drama_

 

 **The Grinch:** _a little binch told me that hes not going to be going to the rehearsal_

 

 **The Grinch:** _and this binch aint Keith_

 

 **Daddy Christmas:** _Lance is that true?_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _Pidge you tattle tale_

 

 **Daddy Christmas:** _Lanec you cant skip class_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _lol Lanec_

 

 **Daddy Christmas:** _Lance._

 

 **Elf Boi:** _mmm say my name again daddy_ ( ͡~ ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

 **Daddy Christmas:** _I’m serious._

 

 **Elf Boi:** _wat can I say_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _im in love_

 

 **Daddy Christmas:** _but you cant throw away your education for a boy_

 

 **Elf Boi:** ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 

 

** {Princess <\----------> Prince} **

 

 **Princess:** _want to tell me whats really happening_

 

 **Princess:** _bc I know you wouldn’t miss out on rehearsal by choice_

 

 **Prince:** _Alex is feeling sad Im being a good boyfriend_

 

 **Prince:** _I don’t get what the big deal is_

 

 **Princess:** _the big deal is that this lead role has been your goal since last year’s play_

 

 **Prince:** _ah rip 2016 play_

 

 **Prince:** _it wont be missed_

 

 **Princess:** _please focus bby_

 

 **Prince:** _lol srry_

 

 **Princess:** _are you doing the thing where you make jokes to hide how you really feel?_

 

 **Prince:** _no why_

 

 **Princess:** _mmm fine im not going to lecture you_

 

 **Princess:** _but I’m here if you need me_

 

**Prince:** _I know <3_

 

 **Princess:** <333

 

 

\---------------------------------------

 

** {Babe <\----------> Bae<3} **

 

 **Bae <3:** _thanks for spending the day with me:)_

 

 **Babe:** _ofc_

 

 **Bae <3:** _it’s a good thing the play rehearsal wasn’t that important right;)_

 

 **Babe:** _oh_

 

 **Babe:** _yeah_

 

 **Babe:** _gtg ily_

 

 **Bae <3:** _ily2_

 

 

** {Lancey <\----------> Keithy} **

 

 **Lancey:** _I know you don’t really care but_

 

 **Lancey:** _if ur awake do u mabey wanna talk_

 

 **Lancey:** _shit sorry ur probbaly asleep_

 

 **Lancey:** _ill leave_

 

 **Keithy:** _Lance?_

 

 **Lancey:** _srry its fine_

 

 **Keithy:** _obviously not if youre coming to me_

 

 **Keithy:** _whats wrong?_

 

 **Lancey:** _mm I shouldn’t have skipped school_

 

 **Keithy:** _okay?_

 

 **Lancey:** _I should have fucking listend to u guys_

 

 **Lancey:** _u always no what to do_

 

 **Lancey:** _ur al smarter than me_

 

 **Lancey:** _im just the dumb loser_

 

 **Keithy:** _what?_

 

 **Keithy:** _where did you get that idea?_

 

 **Lancey:** _idk_

 

 **Keithy:** _Lance youre one of the smartest people I know_

 

 **Lancey:** _thats a lie Pidge and Matt are way smarter_

 

 **Keithy:** _they were born smart_

 

 **Keithy:** _youre smart because you’ve worked your ass off to get to where you are_

 

 **Keithy:** _despite how many people have thrown shit at you you’ve kept going_

 

 **Keithy:** _I know theres a lot of stuff going on that youre not telling anyone_

 

 **Keithy:** _whether its because you think your fine or you don’t want us to know_

 

 **Keithy:** _but you can trust us_

 

 **Lancey:** _its not that I don’t trust you guys_

 

 **Lancey:** _its jst_

 

 **Lancey:** _its easier if I handle it on my own_

 

 **Keithy:** _and I understand that I really do_

 

 **Keithy:** _so we’re here when youre ready to tell us_

 

 **Lancey:** _thanks…_

 

 **Lancey:** _:^)_

 

 **Keithy:** _so is there a reason you told me all this?_

 

 **Keithy:** _not that I don’t want you to im glad you opened up to me but_

 

 **Keithy:** _it sounds like you’ve held this in for a while_

 

 **Lancey:** _its just something that Alex said_

 

 **Lancey:** _…promise you wont get mad_

 

 **Keithy:** _?sure_

 

 **Lancey:** _he said that it’s a good thing rehearsal isn’t important anyway_

 

 **Lancey:** _and idk it just made me feel really…._

 

 **Lancey:** _its stupid like its not even_ _a bad thing to say_

 

 **Keithy:** _hey youre allowed to be sad sometimes_

 

 **Keithy:** _maybe you should tell him how that made you feel?_

 

 **Lancey:** _yeah_

 

 **Keithy:** _sorry im bad at relationship advice_

 

 **Lancey:** _no no u really helped:^)_

 

 **Lancey:** _thanks Keith_

 

 **Keithy:** _:)_

 

 

** {Protect Our Blue Boy} **

 

 **Red.K:** _lets take this mother fucker down_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is spiraling out of control. I have a plot I swear its just gotten lost with all of the fillers and fuck ups. After Christmas hopefully everything will start coming together.


	22. Chapter Twenty-Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Roasts, Excited Nerds and Wholesome Chats all in one

** {JOLLY FUCKS} **

 

 **The Grinch:** _wowza one week till break_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _MMMMMM AND THEN WE CAN FUCKING CHRISTMAS TILL WE DROP_

 

 **r00dolph:** _or we could fucking chill_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _don’t fucking fight me Kogane_

 

 **Daddy Christmas:** _hey language_

 

 **r00dolph:** _im fluent in cowboy and emo angst_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _Spanish, Italian, English, little bit of French and ive learned like five Japanese words from anime_

 

 **Daddy Christmas:** _…._

 

 **r00dolph:** _lol whats wrong David_

 

 **Daddy Christmas:** _Keith why_

 

 **r00dolph:** _WHATCHA GONNA DO ABOUT IT DAVIIIIID_

 

 **Tree Boi:** _why is your son so angry_

 

 **Daddy Christmas:** _I think it has something to do with his unending pining but im not sure_

 

 **r00dolph:** _low blow_

 

 **The Grinch:** _almost as low as your standards_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _OOOOOOOOOOH_

 

 **Rein-Dearest:** * _air horn noises_ *

 

 **The Grinch:** (⌐■_■)

 

 **r00dolph:** _almost as low as your height_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _AND HE THROWS IT BACK_

 

 **Rein-Dearest:** * _louder air horn noises_ *

 

 **The Grinch:** 凸ಠ益ಠ)凸

 

 **Angel:** _almost as low as all of your grades :)_

 

 **r00dolph:** _DID YOU JUST_

 

 **The Grinch:** _SHAY_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _HUNK YOUR GF IS THROWING SHADE_

 

 **Rein-Dearest:** _good job baby <3_

 

 **Sugarplum Fairy:** _im so proud of my daughter_

**Angel:** (ง •̀ω•́)ง✧

 

 **Daddy Christmas:** _shouldn’t you all be in class_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _ummm if you had bothered to check the time you would see that its currently lunch break_

 

 **Daddy Christmas:** _don’t sass me_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _sorry im ignoring you in favfbuiubcdg_

 

 **Sugarplum Fairy:** _???_

 

 **Rein-Dearest:** _Keith and Pidge are tag teaming to steal his food_

 

 **Angel:** _hey Hunky do you want some of my pizza burger?_

 

 **Rein-Dearest:** _yes please <3 you can have my pear if you want_

 

 **Angel:** _thanks love <3_

 

 **Tree Boi:** _power couple™_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _AQUELLOS HIJOS DE PERRAS ROBARON MI TORTILLA ESPANOLA_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _I WAS GONNA MAKE A BOCADILLO_

 

 **Sugarplum Fairy:** _naw you made tortilla española?? I want :c_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _ID BE SIMPATHETIC IF KEITH WASN’T CHEWING LIKE A SMUG LITTLE BITCH_

 

 **r00dolph:** _:)_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _ERES MAS MALO QUE MARIHUANA_

 

 **Sugarplum Fairy:** _I love how Hunk and I are the only ones who can understand what he’s saying_

 

 **Sugarplum Fairy:** _y’all think Lance is funny in English that’s not even the half of it_

 

 **Rein-Dearest:** _Spanish insults are just so extra_

 

 **The Grinch:** _so they’re perfect for Lance then_

 

 **Elf Boi:** (ﾉಠдಠ)ﾉ︵┻━┻

 

 **Angel:** _well now im curious about what hes saying_

 

 **Rein-Dearest:** _he said that Keith’s worse than marijuana_

 

 **Daddy Christmas:** _Lance!_

 

 **Tree Boi:** _OMG HAHAHAHA_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _I wont apologise for that_

 

 **r00dolph:** _hey Lance you should share your food with us more often_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _IT WASN’T SHARING YOU DONKEY_

 

 **The Grinch:** _Keith hasn’t stopped eyeing Lance’s food since he ate some_

 

 **r00dolph:** _Ive had a taste and I want more_

 

 **Tree Boi:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

 **r00dolph:** _im not going back to Shiro’s food now_

 

 **Daddy Christmas:** _hey!_

 

 **The Grinch:** _I don’t think anyone would want to go back to Shiro’s food_

 

 **Daddy Christmas:** _:(_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _if you steal my food again im going to eat at home_

 

 **r00dolph:** _as if that’ll stop me_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _this is war_

 

 **r00dolph:** _bring it_

 

 **Rein-Dearest:** _are_

 

 **Rein-Dearest:** _are they fighting over Lance’s cooking?_

 

 **Angel:** _almost looks domestic huh_

 

 **The Grinch:** _interesting_

 

 **Tree Boi:** _interesting._

 

 

\-------------------------

 

** {JOLLY FUCKS} **

 

 **The Grinch:** _and so ends another day of hell_

 

 **The Grinch:** _how do you feel boys + Shay_

 

 **Rein-Dearest:** _accomplished_

 

 **Angel:** _a little tired but fine_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _I feel fucking hungry!_

                                                                                       

 **r00dolph:** ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 

 **Elf Boi:** _DON’T USE MY EMOTICON AGAINST ME_

 

 **Sugarplum Fairy:** _Lance, Coran says that if you’re hungry you’re more than welcome to drop by for a bite to eat_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _thanks but I gotta pickt he little ones up from school_

 

 **The Grinch:** _you mean hell_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _I do not_

 

 **Rein-Dearest:** _hey Allura why didn’t Coran message Lance himself?_

 

 **Daddy Christmas:** _come to think of it he hasn’t been on in a few days_

 

 **Sugarplum Fairy:** _oh_

 

 **Sugarplum Fairy:** _oh you don’t know_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _lmao tell them_

 

 **Sugarplum Fairy:** _Coran broke his phone_

 

 **Tree Boi:** _what?! How?!_

 

 **Sugarplum Fairy:** _he wanted to see if it could cut a watermelon_

 

 **The Grinch:** _wha_

 

 **Sugarplum Fairy:** _lesson learned: phones cannot in fact cut through a watermelon_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _bet_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _pretty sure theres an old nokia phone in our attic_

 

 **Tree Boi:** _boi_

 

 **The Grinch:** _I like where this is going_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _WHO WANTS TO SEE WHAT IT TAKES TO BRAK A NOKIA_

 

 **Rein-Dearest:** _no pls_

 

 **Tree Boi:** _IN THE NAME OF SCIENCE_

 

 **The Grinch:** _WE ARE IN SEARCH OF THE TRUTH_

 

 **r00dolph:** _Ill join if we can stab it_

 

 **Elf boi:** _yesssssss_

 

 **Angel:** _no thank you_

 

 **Sugarplum Fairy:** _ill sit out too_

 

**Tree Boi:** _Shiro?_

 

**Daddy Christmas:** _*sigh*_

 

 **The Grinch:** _poor dad is tired_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _Tired Dad™_

 

 **Tree Boi:** _#LetShiroRest2k17_

 

 **r00dolph:** _or we could drag out his suffering_

 

 **Sugarplum Fairy:** _kids don’t torment your father_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _sorry mom_

 

 **r00dolph:** _you cant tell me what to do_

 

 **Sugarplum Fairy:** _excuse me?_

 

 **r00dolph:** _hard of hearing in your old age?_

 

 **Daddy Christmas:** _Keith don’t talk to your mother that way_

 

 **r00dolph:** _YOURE NOT MY REAL PARENTS_

 

 **r00dolph:** * _emo hair flip_ *

 

 **Rein-Dearest:** _hey Shay wanna go to the park?_

 

 **Angel:** _sure:)_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _and there go my otp, sweet and pure_

 

 **The Grinch:** _speaking of sweet Lance I need to rant to you about Beezer_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _*gasps* TO THE DMS_

 

 

** {PiddlePop <\----------> BlueSp00k} **

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _lets get down to business_

 

 **PiddlePop:** _I kissed her_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _!!!!!_

 

 **PiddlePop:** _I know_

 

 **PiddlePop:** _and then I had to text her and ask if we’re dating_

 

 **PiddlePop:** _which we are in case youre wondering_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _I missed so much!!_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _is she cute how tall is she?!_

 

 **PiddlePop:** _shes a little shorter than me_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _NAWWWWW_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _my little Pidgey is growing up so fast UwU_

 

 **PiddlePop:** **{(1) image sent}**

 

 **PiddlePop:** _shes just so pretty…_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _YOU GUYS LOOK SO CUTE TOGETHER_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _ah ull have to introduce me sometime_

 

 **PiddlePop:** _yeah?_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _well I gotta see who the girl I think of as a sister is dating_

 

 **PiddlePop:** _shut up you loser_

 

 **PiddlePop:** … _< 3_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _< 3_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mmmmmmm Camp Camp is my shit. Anyone who finds the reference is my best friend.
> 
> Ps. As my friend pointed out when they read 'or we could drag out his suffering'. He said "That's pretty much what Dreamworks is doing." and I mean.... Yeaaaaaaaaaaah


	23. Chapter Twenty-Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo so you guys are so freaking nice in the comments and it means so much to me that you enjoy this. I'm hoping I can make the Christmas chapter next but that all depends on what happens when I actually write it.

** {JOLLY FUCKS} **

 

 **Elf Boi:** _GOOD MORNING MY BEAUTIFUL FRIENDS WHO I LOVE_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _I hope you all have the! Best! Day!_

 

 **Sugarplum Fairy:** _Thank you for the lovely greeting Lance :) <3_

 

 **Angel:** _that’s so sweet thank you Lance_

 

 **Tree Boi:** _naww this is why your my fav_

 

 **Daddy Christmas:** _youre in a good mood today_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _well why shouldn’t I be? The sky is clear, the birds are singing and my self esteem isn’t on a vacation in Where-The-Fuck-Are-You Land_

 

 **r00dolph:** _hey I remember that place_

 

 **r00dolph:** _Shiro went there once_

 

 **Daddy Christmas:** _are you still angry about that_

 

 **r00dolph:** _YOU DISAPPERAED SHIRO_

 

 **r00dolph:** _I THOUGHT YOUD BEEN FUCKING ABDCUTED_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _lmao Shiro u traumatized the poor boy_

 

 **The Grinch:** _lol abdcuted_

 

 **Tree Boi:** _omg is he talking about when my dad took us on a worldwide trip without telling anyone_

 

 **r00dolph:** _YOU WERE GONE FOR A FUCKING YEAR_

 

 **Rein-Dearest:** _wait what_

 

 **Angel:** _um I think we’d all like to know what he means_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _STORYTIME WITH MATT_

 

 **Tree Boi:** _STORY TIME WITH MATT_

 

 **Tree Boi:** _GET COMFY KIDS THIS ONE IS LONG AS FUCK_

 

 **Elf Boi:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

 **Tree Boi:** _ahem_

 

 **Tree Boi:** _the setting is whenever the fuck we graduated high school_

 

 **Daddy Christmas:** _2010_

 

 **Tree Boi:** _yeh then_

 

 **Tree Boi:** _anyway the stress and anxiety was high from those horrifying years_

 

 **Tree Boi:** _good ol’ dad picked us up from graduation, took one look and said we needed a break_

 

 **Daddy Christmas:** _Matt he told us to get in the car and drove off_

 

 **Daddy Christmas:** _HE DIDN’T EVEN GIVE US TIME TO PACK ANYTHING_

 

 **Tree Boi:** _I know right, that’s so him_

 

 **Tree Boi:** _anyway so we get to the airport and im tasked with holding down a struggling Shiro because “THISLL BE FUCING LIT MAN CHILL”_

 

 **Tree Boi:** _dads calling mom and trying his best to not go deaf from her screaming_

 

 **Tree Boi:** _he finally gets off the phone and buys us random plane tickets and we all go on a magic adventure across the continents_

 

 **Tree Boi:** _we meet scary gang men who are kinda the reason Shiro lost his arm_

 

 **Tree Boi:** _I join a cult_

 

 **Tree Boi:** _and dad becomes a wanted criminal in over thirteen countires_

 

 **Tree Boi:** _the end_

 

 **Angel:** ….

 

 **Rein-Dearest:** ….

 

 **R00dolph:** ….

 

 **Sugarplum Fairy:** ….

 

 **Elf Boi:** ….

 

 **Jingle Bells:** _that reminds me of the time I angered a group of pirates and had to battle them on the top of an antique ship_

 

 **Jingle Bells:** _ah enjoy your youth while it lasts_

 

 **Daddy Christmas:** …

 

 **Daddy Christmas:** Coran what the honest fuck

 

 **Elf Boi:** _anyway so what do y’all want for christmas_

 

 **r00dolph:** _did you just unironicaly use “y’all”?_

 

 **Rein-Dearest:** _Lance you know you don’t have to get me anything_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _hush I must_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _to thank y’all for being there for me_

 

 **r00dolph:** _you just did it again!_

 

 **The Grinch:** _idk if you can hook me up with a piece of tech I need for Rover but whatevers fine_

 

 **Jingle Bells:** _oh my boy you know what I want_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _u special moustache gel is already bought and wrapped Coran my man_

 

 **Sugarplum Fairy:** _mmm a new gym outfit?_

 

 **Elf boi:** _oooh ur going back to the gym?_

 

 **Sugarplum Fairy:** _I dare say I am;)_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _nice. What about everyone else_

 

 **Angel:** _oh Lance its quite alright_

 

 **Sugarplum Fairy:** _don’t try to fight him Shay he wont lose_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _in this house I appreciate my friends and all that they’ve done for me so tell me wat the fuc u want before I buy u something u don’t_

 

 **Angel:** _well then um a new rock to add to my collection? If its not to much trouble_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _CONSIDER IT DONE MY LADY_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _Hunkles?_

 

 **Rein-Dearest:** _I don’t know why youre asking because as always you’ve already got my gift_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _yeah but I like making sure I got the right thing:)_

 

 **Tree Boi:** _I want a hot dog suit_

 

 **Daddy Christmas:** _Matt no_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _Matt yes_

 

 **Tree Boi:** _MY FAVOURITE BOI_

 

 **r00dolph:** _a will to live if you can find any to spare_

 

 **Daddy Christmas:** _Keith why_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _ill try my best but theyre in short supply these days_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _what about a life full of happy moments that amount to something greater than simply wanting to live?_

 

 **The Grinch:** _that was beautiful wtf_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _and ill throw in like a new pair of gloves or smth_

 

 **r00dolph:** _yeah that works_

 

 **Daddy Christmas:** _can you guys not please?_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _what about you Shiro?_

 

 **Daddy Christmas:** _honestly Lance if you can find my 25 years worth of lost sleep that would be great_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _ill get you a sleep mask and some facial creams_

 

 **Daddy Christmas:** _thanks_

 

 **Rein-Dearest:** _notice how weirded out Shiro was with the teenager being emo but the second its him everythings casual_

 

 **Daddy Christmas:** _well apparantely im a father to five teenagers at the age of 25_

 

 **Tree Boi:** _dam that’s rough_


	24. Chapter Twenty-Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> IT'S FUCKING CHRISTMAS PARTY TIME PEOPLE!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I figured I'll get this out of the way now, then I won't be stressed during the holidays. I don't know if I'll be posting during Christmas but knowing me I will if I don't plan on it so ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

Now Lance knows that most of the group don’t really like Alex, hell he’d be an idiot if he didn’t know that considering he ignored them for a week because of it. That’s why he had been a little cautious when Allura extended her invitation to him for the party, practically forcing Lance to ask him about it. And of course Alex accepted.

So now here they are outside of Allura’s three story house with both of their scarves wrapped around their necks so tight they could be seen as part of them. Lance takes in a deep breath, letting it out and watching as the mist falls from his mouth before raising his fist and knocking on one of the large doors.

The door opens and out pops a head; a head that Lance instantly recognises by the messy black hair. Keith looks them over for a second, takes before giving a neutral expression that is pretty much the equivalent of a smile for the boy. Lance grins and drags his boyfriend in, patting Keith on the head as he passes and wishes him a Merry Christmas. He turns himself towards the sound of party noises and goes to follow it, leaving Keith a flustered mess.

 

So maybe Keith had only come to this party to see Lance in a cute Christmas outfit, that’s not such a bad thing right? I mean the guy dresses himself up like that every year so it’s not Keith’s fault if he happens to be in the same place as him this year. What he only just now considered was the very real chance of the Cuban bringing his boyfriend. (Which makes it all the harder to stop himself from lowering his gaze to Lance’s very tight jeans and the ass that those jeans so generously pronounce.)

It’s definitely a wake-up call for Keith to see just how pathetic he is for his crush. I mean, he got flustered because Lance touched his hair! HIS HAIR! How much more of a loser can he get?

That’s how Keith finds himself brooding in a corner with a cup of eggnog that Pidge had given him, too scared to risk drinking it after it had been in that gremlin’s possession. He bobs his head rhythmically to the ever changing beat of Christmas carols and gives the occasional wave in Shiro’s direction to assure him that he’s not dead yet. He doesn’t know what he was expecting from this party, it always ends up being the same thing. He’ll hide away and watch everyone else have fun, intent on staying out of the hot mess that is the group getting drunk.

One thing that Keith always manages to forget, however, is Lance’s unique ability to pinpoint his location; no matter where they are. So naturally he jumps away when a random voice whispers in his ear.

“Dude what the fuck!” Lance laughs, holding his own cup of eggnog away from his body as it trembles. Like this, Keith can take a moment to admire how beautiful Lance is and not worry about him finding out. He loves Lance’s laugh.

“S-sorry Mullet. I didn’t think I’d actually scare you.” There’s a teasing glint in his eye; one that Keith can’t ignore. Not when Lance’s lips are making that cheeky smirk and his eyebrow is raising in a way that is just so open and…. Hot.

“I wasn’t scared. I just didn’t expect it.”

“Mhm, okay. Anyway what are you doing all the way over here? This is a party, you should be having fun!”

“I am having fun, I’m relaxing with the music-“

“As your only friend, sulking alone in your emo corner. Am I right?” Keith pouts. “Ah, c’mon. Don’t give me that look. I’m just trying to lighten the mood.”

“Lighten the mood?”

“Yeah. You’re upset for some reason and that won’t do because it’s freaking Christmas and Christmas is the time for good cheer and jolly shit. So I thought I’d come over and, I don’t know, keep you company and stuff.” He what? How did he know that he wasn’t having a good time? Did… Did he leave his boyfriend to hang out with Keith?

“What um… What about Alex?” Lance waves it off.

“Nah, he’s fine. He’s been swept up in the party somewhere. But that’s not the point,” the Cuban leans back on the wall, shoulder to shoulder with Keith and takes a sip of his drink. “What’s eatin’ at ya, buddy?”

“Eating at me?...” Honestly sometimes the things Lance says just don’t quite make sense to Keith. “I uh, nothing?”

“Okay let me rephrase the question; what’s got you sulking like a kicked puppy?” When Keith’s expression still remains confused Lance sighs through his nose. “Why. Are. You. Upset?”

“I’m not?”

(Dang that Hamilton reference tho! Sorry ignore me.)

Lance’s eyes squint and he leans close, too close, close enough that Keith gets lost in the large pool of blue that swim within his irises. “Don’t think I didn’t notice your lack of complaints, usually you’d give me some sort of snarky remark whenever I pass you but tonight you haven’t said a word. Is this because I brought Alex?” Yes, Keith can’t deny that and he knows that Lance knows too. But now as he watches the tanned boy’s face fall in anguish and guilt, he can’t bring himself to hurt him any further.

“I mean, yeah but not the way you think!” He adds quickly, waving his hands around as though they’ll be able to stop Lance’s worry. “It’s just… I never got to really apologise for what happened. I know that you’ve forgiven me and I’m grateful that you did, honest. Being ignored by you sucked, it was quiet and lonely and your stupid face would look so sad every time I’d see you and that week had just been horrible. But what I did was shit, it wasn’t what a friend should be and you forgave me on the condition that I make it up to you.”

“I mean I was joking but-“ Keith cuts him off

“So I’ve been spending like every day trying to figure out how to show you just how sorry I am, but nothing ever seemed like it was enough? Like everything seemed too shallow or too meaningless and all I want is for you to be happy so why was it so hard for me to find a way to do that?” Keith takes a breath, glancing at Lance’s dumbfounded look before continuing. “So then I started mulling stuff over in my head, about how this whole fight even began and it came to me.”

“What did?”

“Giving you gifts and words isn’t going to fix what happened, it’s all artificial. What you wanted from me in the first place was support so…” Keith flushes and turns his head to the side. “I was wondering if you’d let me redo meeting Alex.”

There’s no answer, just the loud background sound of the party and the ever-present body of Lance standing stiffly beside him. Abruptly Lance leaves, handing his drink over without a word and disappearing into the crowd within the span of a few seconds and without giving Keith time to question him.

Great, I can’t even fucking apologise right. How stupid was I to think that he’d want me to talk to Alex ever again?

Keith’s self-loathing is broken by Lance’s brown hair pushes through the crowd towards him. Behind the Cuban is another brunette and Keith’s chest constricts because there’s only one person that could be. The two stop in front of him and Keith stares blankly, not knowing what to say because all of a sudden he’s faced with the guy who stole Lance from him.

Lance gives him a smile and with that small reassurance Keith sucks in a breath and gets it over with. “Uh I just wanted to say that…. Um, how I acted on the chat….” Keith shifts nervously. “I’m sorry for being such a jerk and if you’re cool with it, I’d like to start over.” Alex hesitates for but a moment before holding his hand out with a grin brighter than the sun.

“I’d like that too. Nice to meet you; I’m Alex, Lance’s boyfriend.” Keith ignores the sting from those words and instead shakes the offered hand.

“I’m Keith, Lance’s smart friend.”

“You wish.” Lance snorts and oh god how can something so nasally and gross sound so adorable?

 

The three of them spend close to half an hour talking and sometime during their conversations Keith manages to find a way to forget about to pain he feels whenever the couple interact. All too soon however the music turns romantic and Lance jumps at the opportunity to dance. He wishes Alex luck on the dancefloor with the sporadic Cuban as a partner and dodges the flailing hand sent for his shoulder. Lance levels him with his eyes.

“Do you really like him or are you just doing this for me?” Because that’s what it comes down to, should he be a good friend or act upon the jealous demon hiding inside of him.

“Originally I was just planning on being civil with him, but he’s actually starting to grow on me.” Lie. “Who knows he might even take your place as coolest friend.” Lie. They’re lies but it’s worth it to see the happiness inside of his friend’s eyes.

Keith holds back a frown as Alex throws his arm over Lance's shoulder and begins to drag him away, forcing a smile because even if he doesn't like the guy, the relief on Lance's face is enough.

He can do this, he can stay back and support Lance, it's not like his crush on him has gotten in the way before. He'll just continue like always, nothing's changed between them, if anything they're even closer friends.

Because that's all they are. Friends…

Yeah, what a great fucking Christmas party.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so the plot actually begins. Keith is pushing past his jealousy to be the friend that Lance needs, but what will he do when he finds out that he was right about Alex all along????


	25. Chapter Twenty-Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance confides in some of his friends and reveals the truth about his home life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried to make it angsty. Originally this was the Christmas chapter but then I moved that back. Sorry if this is rushed.

** {Lancey <\----------> Keithy} **

 

**Lancey:** _if theres this big thing happening in your life that you cant tell anyone even if you wanted to because they might hate you forever what would you do?_

 

 **Keithy:** _…what_

 

 **Lancey:** _im asking you for advice_

 

 **Keithy:** _I can see that but its still not processing_

 

 **Lancey:** _that’s coz your dumb! >:(_

 

**Keithy:** _ouch_

 

 **Keithy:** _seriously tho whats up with that question_

 

 **Lancey:** _I just_

**Lancey:** _theres something going on right now and I know that im supposed to tell people but… im scared?_

**Lancey:** _and like if I do tell people they’ll try to get involved and itll just make everything worse_

**Lancey:** _but if I don’t say anything then ill be lying to everyone and when someone does find out youll all hate me because I didn’t tell you_

**Lancey:** _and youll all want to leave because this is such big baggage and you shouldn’t have to deal with this_

**Lancey:** _and ill probably only become even more annoying_

**Lancey:** _alex will probably leave me because of it_

**Lancey:** _just… my entire life will fall apart_

 

 **Keithy:** _woah_

 

 **Lancey:** _so what do I do_

 

 **Keithy:** _I um… maybe talk to someone who you trust the most?_

 

 **Keithy:** _like who you know for sure will be able to help_

 

 **Keithy:** _even if its just to talk_

 

 **Lancey:** _…yeah that might be ok_

 

 **Lancey:** _thanks Keith :)_

 

 **Keithy:** _hey whyd you ask me about this anyway?_

 

 **Keithy:** _I mean you have the whole group_

 

 **Lancey:** _Keith I know I called you dumb but I didn’t think you were actually an idiot_

 

 **Keithy:** _thanks?_

 

 **Lancey:** _no this is me insulting you_

 

 **Lancey:** _im saying that youre actually dumb_

 

 **Keithy:** _wtf???_

 

 **Lancey:** _ugh just go read your conspiracy books or some shit until you understand_

 

 **Lancey:** _thanks for the advice_

 

 

 

** {FuckYou <\----------> Takashit} **

****

**FuckYou: {(2) images sent}**

 

 **FuckYou:** _whats this mean_

 

 **Takashit:** _Keith im at work_

 

 **FuckYou:** _whats this mean_

 

 **Takashit:** _can you ask me later?_

 

 **FuckYou:** _no_

 

 **FuckYou:** _whats this mean_

 

 **Takashit:** _it means he went to you because he trusts your opinion_

 

 **Takashit:** _more than the rest of us it seems…_

 

 **FuckYou:** _holy shit really?_

 

 **Takashit:** _does he really trust your hothead over me?_

 

 **FuckYou:** _he trusts me…_

 

 **Takashit:** _I thought I was his dad_

 

 **FuckYou:** _Shiro do you mind im trying to pine_

 

 **Takashit:** _…._

 

 

** {BlueSp00k has created a group chat} **

****

** {BlueSp00k has added LaLaLLura and Hunk-Man} **

 

**LaLaLLura:** _???_

 

**BlueSp00k _:_** _ok so I need to tell you guys something and you cant tell the others_

 

 **LaLaLLura:** _Lance keeping secrets isn’t really healthy you know that_

 

 **Hunk-Man:** _yeah dude Im not really comfortable with keeping stuff from them_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _I kno and im sorry big guy but Im not ready tp tell them about this_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _I just_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _will you guys hate me if I tell you a secret?_

 

 **LaLaLLura:** _ofc not bby_

 

 **Hunk-Man:** _we love you no matter what_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _even if I ruin how you think of me?_

 

 **LaLaLLura:** _Lance youre more important to us than you realise because nothing could make us think less of you_

 

 **LaLaLLura:** _please tell us whats wrong_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** …

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _my parents hit me_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _and before you say anything I know its horrible and wrong and I shouldn’t let them but its not like I can do anything and my younger siblings aren’t getting hurt so its not that big a  deel ad most of ths time its becaue ive done somethjng wrong anyway so I deserve it_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _but you cant tell anyone_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _not even Coran_

 

 **LaLaLLura:** _Lance…_

 

 **Hunk-Man:** _oh my god_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _yeah_

 

 **Hunk-Man:** _how long has this been happening_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _idk they’ve hated me my whole life but it only got this bad when Angelo left for college_

 

 **Hunk-Man:** _is this where all those bruises came form? You told me youd fallen off your bike!_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _sorry_

 

 **LaLaLLura:** _don’t apologise for this Lance_

 

 **LaLaLLura:** _none of this is your fault_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _you have to promise me you wont tell anyone_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _not a soul_

 

 **Hunk-Man:** _Lance this is serious you have to tell the authorities_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _NO_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _look Anna is graduating college soon and then she can take the kids while I finish highschool_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _if i tell the police now they’ll put us all in foster care and we’ll be separated_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _I cant let that happen to them_

 

 **LaLaLLura:** _ok Lance we understand but you need to think carefully about this_

 

 **LaLaLLura:** _youre in danger at home_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _I KNOW THAT_

 

**BlueSp00k:** _please just_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _I told you guys this because I trust you_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _please don’t tell anyone_

 

 

 

** {Hunk-Man <\----------> LaLaLLura} **

 

 **Hunk-Man:** _what do we do_

 

 **LaLaLLura:** _the only thing we can do for now_

 

 **LaLaLLura:** _be there for him until hes ready_

 

 **LaLaLLura:** _but if it gets out of hand we intervene_

 

 

** {BlueSp00k, Hunk-Man, LaLaLLura} **

 

 **LaLaLLura:** _ok Lance we’ll keep it a secret_

 

 **LaLaLLura:** _but you have to promise to come to us when this happens_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _ok_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _thanks guys_

 

 **Hunk-Man:** _its what friends are for dude_

 

** {BlueSp00k has changed the chat name to 24-Hour Drama} **

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _sorry for ruining your day_

 

 **LaLaLLura:** _hush your mouth day is not ruined_

 

 **LaLaLLura:** _im coming over rn and giving you a thousand hugs_

 

 **Hunk-Man:** _me too be prepared buddy_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _:)_

 

 

** {Protect Our Blue Boy} **

 

 **Hunk-Man:** _ok im putting a stop to anything before it starts_

 

 **Hunk-Man:** _nobody is going to be doing anything to Lance’s relationship rn or ever_

 

 **Hatie_Kolt:** _Hunk wtf?_

 

 **Red.K:** _I thought you were ok with helping him_

 

 **Hunk-Man:** _I am okay with helping him_

 

 **Hunk-Man:** _but th last thing Lance needs right now is his friends going behind his back no matter if its for his own good or not_

 

 **Hunk-Man:** _if Alex shows signs of bullshittery then we take it as evidence and tell Lance himself_

 

 **Hunk-Man:** _no lies_

 

 **Red.K:** _is there a reason your suddenly being protective_

 

 **Red.K:** _did something happen with Lance_

 

 **Hunk-Man:** _isn’t my place to say_

 

 **Hunk-Man:** _but if I see either of you plotting against Lance’s happiness then people wont know where to go looking for your bodies_

 

 **Hunk-Man:** _anyway bye guys!!!_

 

 **Hatie_Kolt:** _0.o_

 

 

** {LesboShit <\----------> GayFuck} **

 

 **LesboShit:** _wtf man_

 

 **GayFuck:** _somethings up_

 

 **LesboShit:** _Hunk’s scarier than I thought he’d be_

 

 **GayFuck:** _ikr_

 

 

 

** {JOLLY FUCKS} **

 

 **Tree Boi:** _and so the legacy of the sexual offending stone lives on through all of us_

 

 **The Grinch:** _Matt wtf_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _idk what I just walked into but im lovin it_

 

 **Rein-Dearest:** _He’s Lovin’ It!_

 

 **Daddy Christmas:** _….i hate you_

 

 **Tree Boi:** _no you don’t_

 

 **Tree Boi:** _you love me for being who I am_

 

 **Tree Boi:** _“owning who you are will make you a better scientist”_

**Elf Boi:** _omg hes told me that as well when I came out_

**Elf Boi:** _“owning who u aree will make you a better person”_

**The Grinch:** _“owning who you are will make you a better genius” lmao_

**Rein-Dearest:** _“owning who you are will make you a better friend”_

**r00dolph:** _“owning who you are will make you a better brother”_

 

 **Daddy Christmas:** _911? Yes im being attacked_

 

 **The Grinch:** _oh c’mon Shiro_

 

 **Daddy Christmas:** _I said none of those things you liars_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _Shiro owning who you are will make you a better Daddy_

 

 **Daddy Christmas:** _I hate you all_

 

 **Daddy Christmas:** _im disowning you_

 

 **r00dolph:** _don’t tell me ive been abandoned again_

 

 **Rein-Dearest:** _Keith…_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _I cant tell if your joking_ _or not_

 

 **Daddy Christmas:** _you little_

 

 **Daddy Christmas:** _I told you to stop making orphan jokes all the time!!_

 

 **r00dolph:** _youre not my dad you cant tell me what to do_

 

 **r00dolph:** _my dad died when I was six_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _KeiTh!_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _Allura Hunk and I are coming over for comfort hugs_

 

 **r00dolph:** _I don’t need comfort hugs??_

 

 **Elf Boi:** …

 

 **Elf Boi:** _Allura Hunk and I are coming over for comfort hugs_

 

\----------------------------------------

 

** {JOLLY FUCKS} **

 

 **Elf Boi:** _so I hope everyone had a good day_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _strangely enough ur all asleep_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _I love you all <33333_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeet so Allura and Hunk now know about Lance's horrible parents.They want to help but they don't want to betray Lance's trust so all they can do right now is be there for him. I've been in that situation before where you can't do anything for your friend and it sucks so I might project that a bit?
> 
> Anyway I'm going to some cabin with my friends for the weekend for a birthday. I probably won't have internet so I can't respond to anything while I'm gone. I won't have my laptop either so no writing T0T


	26. Chapter Twenty-Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance knows a lot about Keith and Shiro is offended. Shiro needs help with his love troubles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is..... well it exists.

** {JOLLY FUCKS} **

 

 **The Grinch:** _fuck we missed out on soft Lance_

 

 **Sugarplum Fairy:** _unfair :(_

 

 **Rein-Dearest:** _request that Lance say this again now that we’re all awake_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _I was about to deny it seeing as its now a new day_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _its Hunk and I cant deny him anything_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _I LOVE YOU GUYS SO FUCKIG MUCH_

 

 **r00dolph:** _lol gay_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _….Keith..your…_

 

 **r00dolph:** _stfu you know nothing about me_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _ACTUALLY_

 

 **r00dolph:** _shit_

 

 **The Grinch:** _yes Lance tell us his secrets_

 

 **r00dolph:** _Lance do not_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _weeeeeeeeeeell_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _Keith Kogane was born on the 3 rd of October. He has an untameable gross black mullet but strangely pretty eyes that are like grey-blue-purple. Anyway, Keith is Korean but he’s from Texas and when he gets super emotional his slang comes out. Keith used to attend a really preppy middle school but got kicked out after punching a teacher. Keith wears a lot of red but his favourite colour is blue (weird right?). He likes pancakes with maple flavoured syrup but doesn’t like actual maple syrup. Despite his obvious emo look Keith doesn’t really listen to the stereotypical emo bands. He does cry at the g not though. Keith’s favourite movie is Beauty and the Beast. He relates to the beast and although he may deny, he’s a furry. (Sidenote: Keith is gay) Keith likes his coffee with lots of sugar and when he’s alone he’ll add whipped cream and milo over it. Keith cried when Mufasa died in the Lion King. He has a scar on his left hip from when he jumped into a pool from the roof of a building._

 

 **Elf Boi:** _when Keith was twelve he got his first boyfriend who he broke up with a week later because Keith realised his emotional depth wasn’t ready for that shit. Keith is now currently single and searching for a man to sweep him off his feet. (Sidenote: if someone were to sweep Keith off his feet, Keith would deck them.) Keith likes to chew on plastic straws when he’s studying and when he’s stressed. He has a wicked cool motorbike that he named Red. He made Red by hand and loves her more than any of us. If something were to happen to here he would kill all of us and then himself._

 

 **Elf Boi:** _Keith is allergic to peanuts and is lactose intolerant. One time he chugged a full bottle of chocolate milk in the hopes that it would kill him before he had to take his exam. Keith’s favourite animals are hippos and he almost bought one off Craigslist. He has a hippo bath toy that squeaks. The name is unknown right now but will be discovered soon. Keith has a hippo plushie and he loves it with everything he has. Its name is Bubsy._

 

Elf Boi: everything else is confidential sorry :/

 

 **The Grinch:** _I didn’t expect that_

 

 **Rein-Dearest:** _Lance how do you know all this_

 

 **Daddy Christmas:** _I don’t even know this much about Keith_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _idk we talk_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _I tell him stuff about me he tells me stuff about him_

 

 

** {FuckYou <\----------> Takashit} **

 

 **FuckYou:** _he called my eyes pretty_

 

 **Takashit:** _why does he know more about you than me_

 

 **FuckYou:** _he likes my eyes_

 

 

** {JOLLY FUCKS} **

 

 **Daddy Christmas:** _why do you know more about my brother than I do_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _ummm? He likes me more? Duh_

 

 **Daddy Christmas:** _no he doesn’t!_

 

 **Daddy Christmas:** _right Keith?_

 

 **r00dolph:** ….

 

 **r00dolph:** _no comment_

 

 **Daddy Christmas:** _YOU LITTLE SHIT_

 

 **Tree Boi:** _don’t worry Takashi you still have me_

 

 **Daddy Christmas:** _wanna come over and watch shitty sitcoms?_

 

 **Tree Boi:** _its like you know the way to my heart <3_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _naw romantic_

 

 **The Grinch:** _ew romantic_

 

 **The Grinch:** _oh gtg Beezer wants to take me out for icecream bai_

 

 **Sugarplum Fairy:** _doesn’t that contradict what you just said???_

 

 **Sugarplum Fairy:** _nvm shes gone_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _YO ITS YOUR FRIENDLY HOLIDAY ENTHUSIAST HERE TO TELL YOU THERE’S 6 DAYS TILL CHRISTMAS_

 

 **Sugarplum Fairy:** _DSFDRGHLIGNK_

 

 **Rein-Dearest:** _Wooooooo_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _that means there’s only 12 days until New Years so you’d better find yourself someone to kiss for the countdown quick ;)_

 

 **Sugarplum Fairy:** _shit im single_

 

 **Rein-Dearest:** _shit Shay’s gonna be on holiday_

 

 **Angel:** _sorry hun:)_

 

 **Rein-Dearest:** _its ok baby_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _dw Allura ill set you up for the night_

 

 **Sugarplum Fairy:** _really Lance that’s not necessary_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _but I know of just the people_

 

 **r00dolph:** _you mean person right?_

 

 

** {Princess <\----------> Prince} **

 

 **Princess:** _LANCE HES GOING TO FIND OUT_

 

 **Prince:** _relax its fine_

 

 

** {JOLLY FUCKS} **

 

 **Elf Boi:** _shut up Mullet_

 

 **r00dolph:** _IITS NOT EVEN AN ACTUAL MULLET_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _tell that to the 1970s hairstyle on your head_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _hey Keith what was the Me Decade like_

 

 **r00dolph:** _I will stab you_

 

 **r00dolph:** _don’t test me_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _and now I must go_ ε＝┏(･ω･)┛

 

 

** {Prince <\----------> Princess} **

 

 **Prince:** _what did I tell ya its fine_

 

 **Prince:** _ive been doing this since I was a kid_

 

 **Princess:** _doing what?_

 

 **Prince:** _making jokes to distract people from my problems_

 

 **Prince:** _but thts not the point we need to talk about your boy troubles_

 

 **Princess:** _or we could not_

 

 **Prince:** _hush this is important you have to rant sometimes_

 

 **Prince:** _now tell me everything you like about Shiro_

 

 **Princess:** _well_

 

 **Princess:** _obviously his amazing body is one obvious reason but its so much more than that_

 

 **Princess:** _hes so nice to everyone no matter who they are. If something’s wrong, he’s there to help and he’s just so reliable_

 

 **Princess:** _and he’s so fucking sweet Lance_

 

 **Prince:** good now why do you like Matt

 

 **Princess:** _OMG hes such a geek!!!_

 

 **Princess:** _when you bring up something sciencey his eyes just light up and he gets really excited and starts ranting and its so cute to watch_

 

 **Princess:** _also hes insanely strong for a twink_

 

 **Prince:** _yeah I think that runs in the family_

 

 **Prince:** _do you feel a weight off your shoulders now?_

 

 **Princess:** _yes surprisingly_

 

 **Princess:** _thank you Lance :)_

 

 **Prince:** _no problem babe ;)_

 

 

** {JOLLY FUCKS} **

 

 **The Grinch:** _so I haven’t heard from ym brother in over three hours and I need to know if hes dead yet_

 

 **The Grinch:** _are you living shrek?_

 

 **Tree Boi:** _yes thank you for worrying gremlin_

 

 **Tree Boi:** _Takashi and I were busy watching Modern Family_

 

 **Daddy Christmas:** _I aspire to be Phil Dunphy level of dad one day_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _but dad youre already Phil Dunphy_

 

 **Daddy Christmas:** _thank you son_

 

 **Tree Boi:** _anyway lmao Takashi and I gotta bolt bai_

 

 

** {Takashit <\----------> FuckYou} **

 

 **Takashit:** _fuck I think I like Matt_

 

 **FuckYou:** _thought so_

 

 **Takashit:** _he was just so cute and everytime someone was insulted hed yodel and it was just ndtryvuybn_

 

 **FuckYou:** _but you like Allura?_

 

 **Takashit:** _I know what do I do_

 

 **FuckYou:** _id like to once again remind you who youre asking relationship advice from_

 

 **Takashit:** _right Nevermind_

 

 **FuckYou:** _this is where you do as I said and ask Lance_

 

 **FuckYou:** _hes good at helping his friends with their problems_

 

 **Takashit:** _so your advice is to get your boyfriends advice_

 

 **FuckYou:** _hes not my boyfriend_

 

 **Takashit:** …

 

 **Takashit:** _are you pouting?_

 

 **FuckYou:** _no_

 

 **Takashit:** _o my god you are_

 

 **FuckYou:** _read my username and know how much hatred I put into those words_

 

 **FuckYou:** _anyway go talk to Lance because I cant help you bye_

 

 **Takashit:** _wow thanks brother_

 

 

** {ShiroGONE <\----------> BlueSp00k} **

 

 **ShiroGONE:** _hey Lance I was wondering if we could talk_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _omg this is happening_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _ive been waiting for a dm from you for years_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _now its less awkward when I do this_

 

** {BlueSp00k has changed ShiroGONE’s name to Mufasa} **

****

** {BlueSp00k has changed their name to Simba} **

 

 **Mufasa:** _I need relationship advice_

 

 **Simba:** _have I accended to heaven? Is this really happening?_

 

 **Mufasa:** _*ascended_

 

 **Simba:** _nvm I don’t feel like helping anymore_

 

 **Mufasa:** _wait Lance no_

 

 **Simba:** _mmm youre lucky im a nosey bitch_

 

 **Simba:** _so whos the lucky person???_

 

 **Mufasa:** _well… its more like persons_

 

 **Simba:** _oooh proceed_

 

 **Mufasa:** _I kinda like both Matt and Allura_

 

 **Mufasa:** _hello?_

 

 **Mufasa:** _a response would be nice_

 

 **Simba:** _oh my holy jesus_

 

 **Simba:** _this is actually happening_

 

 **Mufasa:** _surprising right?_

 

 **Simba:** _no I just cant believe you’ve finally realised_

 

 **Simba:** _it only took you most of your life_

 

 **Mufasa:** _look are you going to help me or not_

 

 **Simba:** _well that depends on what you want help with_

 

 **Mufasa:** _isn’t it obvious I like two people what do I do_

 

 **Simba:** _Polyamory; the practice of engaging in multiple relationships with the consent of all the people involved_

 

 **Simba:** _welcome to the new age_

 

 **Mufasa:** _ok so that solves one problem but they still don’t like me so this doesn’t really help_

 

 **Simba:** _just you wait Shiro by new years youll have two people to snog_

 

 **Simba:** _Lancey Lance is on the case_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so hyped for christmas y'all. I LOVE CHRISTMAS! In case you were wondering I'm the Friendly Holiday Enthusiast in my group chat so that's something taken from real life. Also I don't know what timezones you guys are in but I live is SOuth Australia so right now it's like five in the morning and the publication date is a day behind for me.


	27. Chapter Twenty-Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Christmas, then it isn't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas y'all. It's technically tomorrow but I'm posting this on Christmas Eve so close enough. And to those of you who don't celebrate Christmas, I hope you have an amazing day and enjoy whatever it is you're doing (I don't know what other people do so yeah)

** {Jolly Fucks} **

 

 **Elf Boi:** _MERRY CHRISTMAS MOTHER FUCKERS_

 

 **The Grinch:** _HOPE YOURE READY FOR A JOLLY FUKING DAY_

 

 **Daddy Christmas:** _Lance Pidge….._

 

 **Sugarplum Fairy:** _aw let them have their fun Shiro its Christmas_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _I put my presents underneath all of ur trees so hurry up and open them_

 

 **r00dolph:** _wait what when did you enter my house?_

**Elf Boi:** _last night:3_

 

 **r00dolph:** _what_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _well since santa is such a lazy ass I had to deliver the presents_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _honestly the elves never get appreciation_

 

 **Tree Boi:** _LANCE WTF I DIDN’T THINK YOUD ACTUALLY GET ME A HOT DOG SUIT_

 

 **Sugarplum Fairy:** _omg send pics_

 

**Tree Boi: {(6) image sent}**

 

 **Tree Boi:** _they tried to put me on vogue_

 

 **Tree Boi:** _but my weiner was too looooooong_

 

 **Daddy Christmas:** _no_

 

 **Tree Boi:** ( ͡~ ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

 **Elf Boi:** _glad you like it Matt_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _what about everyone else?!?!?!_

 

 **The Grinch:** _I did not expect to get fucking robotic dog ears for Rover_

 

**Elf Boi:** _so you like them?_

 

 **The Grinch:** _theyre fucking amazing thank_ _you_

 

**Rein-Dearest:** _LAAAAAAAAAANCE_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _HUUUUUUUUUUNK_

 

 **Rein-Dearest:** _look at this what even_

 

**Rein-Dearest: {(2) image sent}**

 

 **Tree Boi:** _I WANT A FUNNY COFFEE MUG_

 

 **Rein-Dearest:** _I WAS READY TO READ SOMETHING SWEET AND I GET CALLED A BITCH_

 

**Elf Boi:** _so I can expect the same thing when I open my present?_

 

 **Rein-Dearest:** _definitely_

 

 **Angel:** _Lance you didn’t have to make me this!!!_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _a beautiful girl deserves beautiful accessories_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _besides you cant talk im going to get fat from all this food you and Hunk made_

 

 **Rein-Dearest:** _you could use some more meat on your lanky little body_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _:P_

 

 **Daddy Christmas:** _thank you for the gifts Lance you really didn’t have to :)_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _no problem daddy_

 

 **Daddy Christmas:** ….

 

**Sugarplum Fairy:** _Coran isn’t able to message you right now but he’s quite happy with his gift_

 

 **Sugarplum Fairy:** _Im also loving these new clothes_

 

 **Elf Boi:** (☞ﾟ∀ﾟ)☞

 

 **Elf Boi:** _what about you Keith do you like your gloves_

 

 **r00dolph:** _did_

 

 **r00dolph:** _did you fucking sew “Keithy” into them?!_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _I thought itd be a nice touch_

 

 **r00dolph:** _I hate you_

 

 

** {FuckYou <\----------> Takashit} **

 

 **FuckYou:** _omfg hes so cute_

 

 **FuckYou:** _he didn’t have to sew anything into them but he did anyway???_

 

 **FuckYou:** _and he put his nickname for me on them_

 

 **FuckYou:** _!!!!_

 

 **Takashit:** _youre so gay_

 

 

** {JOLLY FUCKS} **

 

 **Elf Boi:** _mmmhmmmmm_

 

 **The Grinch:** _gay_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _speaking of gay hows your girlfriend_

 

 **The Grinch:** _while normally I would point out how obvious that conversation change was it gives me an excuse to talk about my gf_

 

 **The Grinch:** _she’s everything wholesome in the world and im going to miss her while shes visiting her family in Wisconsin_

 

**Sugarplum Fairy:** _naww_

 

 **The Grinch:** _how about you_

 

 **The Grinch:** _hows Alex_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _he’s off in California :/_

 

 **Rein-Dearest:** _you okay?_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _ofc its Christmas_

 

**Elf Boi:** _OMG EMILY MADE MY A LITTLE SHELL NECKALCE LOOK_

 

**Elf Boi: {(3) image sent}**

 

 **Sugarplum Fairy:** _she looks so proud ToT_

 

 **The Grinch:** _f course its blue_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _duh_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _k I have to skedaddle for family time_

 

 **Elf Boi:** _have a good day guys_ （￣ε￣ʃƪ）

 

 **Rein-Dearest:** _yeah me too actually Kalena is poking me really hard_

 

 **Daddy Christmas:** _so whats everyone doing today?_

 

 **Tree Boi:** _sipping eggnog and tormenting the gremlin_

 

 **The Grinch:** _stfu Shrek_

 

 **Tree Boi:** _GET OUTTA MA SWAMP_

 

 **Sugarplum Fairy:** _well then_

 

 **Sugarplum Fairy:** _ill be heading down to Lance’s to see the kids so i wont be on the chat_

 

 **Angel:** _im going to be taking a trip to see my relatives over state_

 

 **Angel:** _that’s happening this afternoon until then I have nothing special planned_

 

 **The Grinch:** _oooh does Hunk know youre leaving?_

 

 **Angel:** _yes because we communicate_

 

 **Tree Boi:** _communi-what_

 

 **The Grinch:** _that thing where you don’t internalize your problems until they become resentment and ruin your relationship_

 

 **Tree Boi:** _oh that_

 

 **r00dolph:** _Matt stop pretending to not know shit_

 

 **Tree Boi:** _youre right_

 

 **Tree Boi:** _I should embrace my intelligence_

 

 **Tree Boi:** _for it is a gift few humans have nowadays_

 

**r00dolph:** _not what I meant but I don’t really give a fuck_

 

 **Daddy Christmas:** _Keith what have I said about your language_

 

 **r00dolph:** _nothing really you just mention it a lot as though we aren’t fucking brothers who are from the same fucking country_

 

 **Daddy Christmas:** …

 

**Daddy Christmas:** _why cant you ever be nice_

 

 **r00dolph:** _ain’t my fault you can’t take shit_

 

 **Daddy Christmas:** _:(_

 

 **r00dolph:** _ugh go drink some eggnog or something_

 

 **r00dolph:** _big baby_

 

 **Daddy Christmas:** _there’s a lot of hostility going on here_

 

 **Daddy Christmas:** _and I honestly don’t appreciate it_

 

 **r00dolph:** _fine your christmas gift is me not being mean_

 

 **r00dolph:** _done_

 

 **Daddy Christmas:** _I don’t think that’s how it works_

 

 **r00dolph:** _if you would PLEASE shut up THANK YOU_

 

 **r00dolph:** _see that was nice_

 

 **Daddy Christmas:** _you know what im gonna go and treat myself to these nice face products Lance got me because im tired and nobody loves me_

 

 **r00dolph:** _bye old man_

 

\---------------------------

 

** {JOLLY FUCKS} **

****

** {Elf Boi has changed their name to The tailor} **

 

 **The tailor:** _thats it christmas is over_

 

** {Sugarplum Fairy has changed their name to Ripper-of-Organs} **

 

 **Ripper-of-Organs:** _sad_

 

 **r00dolph:** _…. Allura what the fuck_

 

 **Ripper-of-Organs:** _are you judging me_

 

 **Ripper-of-Organs:** _because the last time someone did that I earned this username_

 

** {The Grinch has changed their name to Brainiac} **

 

 **Brainiac:** _that’s better_

 

** {The tailor has changed Brainiac’s name to Brianiac} **

 

 **Brianiac:** never fucking mind

 

 **Daddy Christmas:** _you got over the holiday very fast Lance_

 

 **The tailor:** _lmao no im currently crying in my room over the end to my favourite time of year_

 

 **The tailor:** _but its chill crying_

 

**Daddy Christmas:** _right…_

 

** {The tailor has changed Daddy Christmas’ name to Dad-senpai} **

 

 **Dad-senpai:** _I knew there was I reason I shouldn’t have woken up today_

 

 **Rein-Dearest:** _NO IT CANT BE OVER ALREADY_

 

 **The tailor:** _tis boxing day my good friend_

 

 **Rein-Dearest:** _:(_

 

** {Tree Boi has changed their name to Spanky} **

 

 **Dad-senpai:** _Matt why_

 

 **Spanky:** _because its true_

 

** {The tailor changed r00dolph’s name to Keefer} **

****

** {The tailor has changed Angel’s name to Sunshine} **

 

 **The tailor:** _she can change it to whatever when she gets back from holiday_

** {Rein-Dearest has changed their name to Hunkalicious} **

 

 **Hunkalicious:** _so what do we do now_

 

 **The tailor:** _wait for next christmas I guess_

 

 **Hunkalicious:** _sweet_

 

 **Hunkalicious:** …

 

 **Ripper-of-Organs:** _everyone come over im bored_

 

 **The tailor:** _oh thank god_

 

 **Hunkalicious:** _thi s is why Allura wins_

 

 **Keefer:** _wins what?_

 

 **The tailor:** _exactly_

 

**Keefer:** _??_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can you tell it's rushed because I'm sleep deprived? Anyway soon to come is a purple Legolas man who has a strange obsession with Keith, plus drama begins between Lance and Alex. Good news, if you say the note I made not long ago, I had said that I was only going to make this story around 30 chapters. Well screw you past me, I ain't stopping. I have so many more ideas for this fic so I don't see myself ending it any time soon.


	28. Chapter Twenty-Eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if this is shorter than usual, I'm just trying to crunch out as many chapters as I can before New Years.

** {BlueSp00k has made a group chat} **

****

** {BlueSp00k has added Red.K and Hatie_Kolt} **

****

** {BlueSp00k has changed the chat name to Shalluratt} **

 

 **Hatie_Kolt:** _I heard shalluratt whats up_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _wheres Queef_

 

 **Red.K:** _don’t call me that_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _good your both here_

 

 **Red.K:** _judging by the name im guessing Shiro talked to you_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _yes he_ did _and like all sweet innocent children he is lost on what to do with his feelings_

 

**BlueSp00k:** _so we have to help_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _Pidge is Matt still super bi for Shiro?_

 

 **Hatie_Kolt:** he never stopped

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _good I want you to find out if he has feelings for Allura_

 

 **Hatie_Kolt:** _on it_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _Keith I want you to get Shiro to spend more time with Ally and Matt_

 

 **Red.K:** _and what will you be doing?_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _oh you know just tweaking a few things >:3_

 

 **Hatie_Kolt:** _you fiend_

 

 

** {JOLLY FICKS} **

 

 **Spanky:** _yo fam we need a new chat name_

 

** {Brianiac changed the chat name to The Morbidly Disturbed} **

 

 **Spanky:** _…_

 

 **Spanky:** _that works_

 

 **Hunkalicious:** _maybe something less emo???_

 

 **Keefer:** _I like it_

 

 **The tailor:** _ofc you do you fake emo_

 

 **Keefer:** _what the fuck did you call me_

 

 **The tailor:** _I called you a fake emo_

 

 **Hunkalicious:** _Ooooooooh_

 

 **Keefer:** _you me mcdonalds parking lot five minutes_

 

 **Keefer:** _lets fucking go_

 

 **The tailor:** _fine lets go_

 

 **The tailor:** _im not scared of you_

 

 **Spanky:** _I can feel the sexual tension from here_

 

 **Brianiac:** _its been building up for 4 years now_

 

 

** {The worst Holt <\----------> Shit show} **

 

 **The worst Holt:** _speaking of sexual tension_

 

 **The worst Holt:** _whats up with you and Allura_

 

 **Shit show:** _nothing what are you talking abot_

 

 **Shit show:** _Allura and I are just friends I don’t like her okay oh my god lay off_

 

 **The worst Holt:** _…I didn’t mention anything about you liking her_

 

 **Shit show:** _crap I mean_

 

 **Shit show:** _fine I like Allura_

 

 **The worst:** _owning who you are will make you a better dickhead_

 

 **Shit show:** _choke on a dick_

 

 **The worst Holt:** _hi im a Giant Lesbian and Incredibly Asexual_

 

 **Shit show:** _noted_

 

 

** {Shalluratt} **

 

 **Hatie_Kolt:** _hes a raging bi with crushes on the two most attractive people in our chat_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _sweet!!_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _now I can meddle_

 

 **Red.K:** _Lance no_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _Lance yes_

 

 **Hatie_Kolt:** _I thought you guys were duking it out at maccas_

 

**Red.K:** _we were but then Lance bought me a frappe_

 

 **Hatie_Kolt:** _noice can one of you buy me some nuggs_

 

 **Hatie_Kolt:** _I have a craving_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _were on our way with nuggs now_

 

 **Hatie_Kolt:** _my brother figures_

 

 

** {The Morbidly Disturbed} **

 

 **Spanky:** _so I walk into my living room and what do I find?_

 

**Spanky: {(1) image sent}**

 

 **Spanky:** _what the fuck are Lance and Keith doing here_

 

 **Brianiac:** _they brought me nuggs_

 

 **Spanky:** _and you didn’t share?_

 

 **Brianiac:** _no_

 

 **Hunkalicious:** _aw I want nuggs_

 

 **Brianiac:** _come over Lance will get more nuggs_

 

 **The tailor:** _ill what now_

 

 **Brianiac:** _youll get more fucking nuggs_

 

 **The tailor:** _fine_

 

 **Spanky:** _I feel left out_

 

 **Brianiac:** _this is the youth bonding time go away_

 

 **Spanky:** _fine then ill go hang out with Allura and Shiro_

 

 **Dad-senpai:** _what_

 

 **Spanky:** _im picking you guys up be ready_

 

 

** {Shalluratt} **

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _tis all going to plan_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _anyway how many nuggs should I get_

 

 **Hatie_Kolt:** _enough to feed us all_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _I expect to be paid back for this_

 

 **Hatie_Kolt:** _sure whatever now hurry im setting up the wii_

 

 **Red.K:** _get me another frappe_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _you really shouldn’t be drinking these youre lactose intolerant_

 

 **Red.K:** _theyre my not so secret addiction_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _cant argue with that_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so freaking EXCITED!!! Tomorrow I get to go to my cousins' house and we only ever see them like once a year on Boxing Day so I miss them a lot. Might go swimming if the weather's good too:) Merry Christmas!


	29. Chapter Twenty-Nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Operation Shalluratt is complete

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm busting these out as fast as I can before the new year starts.

** {Shalluratt} **

 

 **Hatie_Kolt:** _how do you think theyre going on their date_

 

 **Red.K:** _it wasn’t really a date though was it_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _Keith when two or more people who obviously like each other do something together we classify it as a date to tease them_

 

 **Red.K:** _oh ok got it_

 

 **Red.K:** _I think their dates going fine but then Shiro and Allura are going to fight about whos paying cos Shiro is too righteous_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _Allura will win tho_

 

 **Red.K:** _definitely_

 

 **Hatie_Kolt:** _Matt will probably be making sexual jokes the whole time cos hes not smooth at all_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _tis a sad thing_

 

 **Hatie_Kolt:** _shut up youre just as bad_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _as offended as I am this is a chat for us to plot Shalluratt not to diss Lancey_

 

 **Red.K:** _hes right after all he did promise to get two people for Shiro to kiss by new years_

 

 **Hatie_Kolt:** _Lance you idiot they wont be able to confess in that short amount of time_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _yes they fucking will_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _I don’t break promises_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _ever_

 

 **Hatie_Kolt:** _I know_

 

 **Hatie_Kolt:** _oh shit Matts back gtg pester him about what happened_

 

 **Red.K:** _I guess we should do the same_

 

 **Hatie_Kolt:** _duh_

 

 

** {The worst Holt <\----------> Shit show} **

 

 **The worst Holt:** _so did you guys fuck_

 

 **Shit show:** _PIDGE WTF_

 

 **The worst Holt:** _ill take that as a “im so in love with them but don’t want to overstep my boundaries wah wah wah”_

 

 **Shit show:** _we just went out bowling_

 

 **The worst Holt:** _the classic date hidden as a friendly meet up_

 

 **Shit show:** _IT WASN’T A DATE_

 

 **The worst Holt:** _if you don’t tell me about your Bi crisis who will you tell_

 

 **Shit show:** _maybe ill talk to Lance instead_

 

 **The worst Holt:** _you would choose Lance over your own sister?!_

 

 **Shit show:** _yes_

 

 **The worst Holt:** _fine then go whine to Lance but im holding you to that_

 

 **Shit show:** _Pidge what does that mean?_

 

 **Shit show:** _Pidge?_

 

 **Shit show:** _PIDGE?!_

 

 

** {Shalluratt} **

 

 **Hatie_Kolt:** _beware Lance Matt is coming to you_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _finally my time to shine_

 

 

** {Meme lord <\----------> Meme son} **

 

 **Meme lord:** _son_

 

 **Meme son:** _im here papi_

 

 **Meme lord:** _as a fellow bi I need to rant_

 

 **Meme son:** _go ahead papi_

 

 **Meme lord:** _so I sort of have a crush on both Allura and Shiro which I mean come on theyre gorgeous how could I not but ive been best friends with Shiro for years and I only met Allura a few months ago but I really really like them and yeah I know polyamory is a thing but how likely is it that theyd actually be into that and by extention how likely is it that theyd have feelings for me?! And Pidge is teasing me about it and I know its her way of communication but I cant just tell my sister I feel like shit over my feelings or shed get worried but then I don’t want to worry you or anyone else either so ive just kinda ignored how bad its been for a while but today I was just looking at them and_

 

 **Meme lord:** _god I think I love them Lance_

 

 **Meme lord:** _but I stand no chance and if I did anything wrong id ruin everything so whats the point_

 

 **Meme son:** _imma stop you right there_

 

 **Meme son:** _Matt youre one of the most gprgeous people ive ever seen and ive seen a lot_

 

 **Meme son:** _you have the most beautiful face ive ever seen and if anyone ever disagrees then theyre blind and ill have to fix their eyes myself_

 

 **Meme son:** _nobody is too good for you_

 

 **Meme son:** _you could date the Queen of England and my only judgement would be “does she treat you right_

 

 **Meme son:** _the entire group loves you Matt and we’ll support you_

 

 **Meme son:** _even if Shiro and Allura (for some reason ill never know) didn’t feel the same theyd still want to be your friend_

 

 **Meme lord:** _how do you know_

 

 **Meme son:** _because ive had a crush on both of them and look where we are now_

 

 **Meme son:** _Shiro is one of my best friends and a dad figure and Allura is practically family to me_

 

 **Meme son:** _they wont let their friends feel bad because they care more_

 

 **Meme lord:** _…. Lance what do I do_

 

 **Meme son:** _my opinion? Tell them_

 

 **Meme son:** _if you don’t its gonna swim around in your chest forever and become something worse_

 

 **Meme son:** _and youll try to distract yourself with someone else to make you feel better but all it does is make you feel guilty for using them_

 

 **Meme lord:** _are you speaking from experience?_

 

 **Meme son:** _that’s a topic for another time_

 

 **Meme son:** this is about you and what youre going to do

 

 **Meme lord:** _I think… I should just get it over with and tell them_

 

 **Meme lord:** im gonna meet up with them now

 

 **Meme son:** _YES PAPI GO DATE DEM BISHES_

 

 

** {Matththhthhhthhew made a group chat} **

****

** {Matththhthhhthhew added ShiroGONE and LaLaLLura} **

****

** {IMMEDIATE ATTENTION VERY IMPORTANT} **

 

 **Matththhthhhthhew:** _I need you both to meet me by the park right now_

 

 **ShiroGONE:** _Matt?_

 

 **LaLaLLura:** _is everything ok?_

 

 **Matththhthhhthhew:** _it will be once you both get here_

 

 **Matththhthhhthhew:** _as soon as possible_

 

 **ShiroGONE:** _ok im on my way_

 

 **LaLaLLura:** ^^

 

 

** {Shalluratt} **

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _operation Shalluratt is a go_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _Matts asking them out as we speak_

 

 **Red.K:** _how do you know?_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _im watching from the bushes with Pidgey_

 

 **Hatie_Kolt:** _Matts sweating so much lmao_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _brb filming it_

 

 **Red.K:** _oh god_

 

\---------------------------

 

** {Shalluratt} **

 

**BlueSp00k: {(1) video sent}**

 

**Hatie_Kolt: {(17) images sent}**

 

 **Red.K:** _fucking finally_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _so when they break the news to us do we act surprised?_

 

 **Hatie_Kolt:** _nah they told us individually that they had crushes so we knew anyway_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _ok but don’t ruin this for them either theyre really happy_

 

 **Hatie_Kolt:** _I would never_

 

 

** {Shit show <\----------> The worst Holt} **

 

 **Shit show:** _OH MY FUCK_

 

 

** {Meme lord <\----------> Meme son} **

 

 **Meme lord:** _OH MY FUCK_

 

 

** {The Morbidly Disturbed} **

 

** {Spanky has changed their name to OH MY FUCK} **

 

 

** {IMMEDIATE ATTENTION VERY IMPORTANT} **

****

** {Matththhthhhthhew has changed their name to OH MY FUCK} **

 

 **OH MY FUCK:** _so do you think they’ll figure it out_

 

 **ShiroGONE:** _yeah I think so_

 

 **LaLaLLura:** _its kind of silly how long we’ve been avoiding this isn’t it ^.^_

 

 **ShiroGONE:** _yeah and its all thanks to Matt making the first move_

 

 **OH MY FUCK:** _youre welcome_

 

 **ShiroGONE:** _I don’t think we would have done anything otherwise_

 

 **OH MY FUCK:** _while id love to take all the credit Lance was the one to convince me_

 

 **LaLaLLura:** _wait Lance?_

 

 **OH MY FUCK:** _yeah he told me all about how itll all be fine and I shouldn’t worry_

 

 **LaLaLLura:** _but I went to Lance for advice on what to do_

 

 **ShiroGONE:** _….so did_ _i_

 

 **LaLaLLura:** _THAT SNEAKY FUCK KNEW ALL ALONG_

 

 **LaLaLLura:** _brb gonna go yell at him_

 

 

** {Princess <\----------> Prince} **

 

 **Princess:** _you knew we all liked each other!!!_

 

 **Prince:** _whoops ive been spotted_

 

 **Princess:** _why didn’t you say anything!??_

 

 **Prince:** _I wasn’t just gonna go and spill my friends secrets_

 

 **Prince:** _you guys came to me because you trusted me im not gonna break your trust like that_

 

 **Princess:** _Lance~~~….._

 

 **Prince:** _so two boyfriends huh?_ ( ͡~ ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

 **Princess:** (*≧∀≦*)

 

 **Prince:** _im happy for you Ally_

 

 **Princess:** _thanks Lance :)_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh geez I've been wanting to get them together for ages now. SO THERE ITS HAPPENED!!! Now all that's left is Klance ;)


	30. Chapter Thirty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Coran has his own song and a little pigeon is told the secret.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OH MY SHIT WE'VE REACHED THIRTY CHAPTERS! I can't even describe how pumped I feel about this like ??????? This is the first story I've ever written that's gotten this far and I'm so proud!!!

** {The Morbidly Disturbed} **

 

 **Brianiac:** _hey now that Shalluratt is a thing Keith is the only single one in the chat_

 

 **Keefer:** _fuck you Pidge_

 

 **The tailor:** _fake news!!!!_

 

 **The tailor:** _Coran is single too!_

 

 **The tailor:** _how could you forget him like that!?_

 

 **Jingle Bells:** _its quite alright Lance I haven’t been on the chat in a while_

 

 **Jingle Bells:** _I haven’t even changed my name_

 

 **Ripper-of-Organs:** _its not alright Coran youre an important part of this group_

 

 **Jingle Bells:** _oh I don’t expect to always be included_

 

 **Jingle Bells:** _im much older than all of you after all_

 

 **Ripper-of-Organs:** _nonsense youre not that old_

 

** {The tailor has changed Jingle Bell’s name to Coran Coran the gorgeous man} **

 

 **Ripper-of-Organs:** _omg I remember that song!_

 

 **Keefer:** _song?_

 

**Ripper-of-Organs:** _oh yes when Lance and I were young we’d have playdates at Coran’s house. Obviously we cared greatly for Coran (and still do) but Lance has always been the type to go out of his way for people so he made an entire song just for Coran thanking him for taking care of us. I sang it with him of course because well_

 

 **The tailor:** _as any 13 year old girl Allura thought her voice was a gift from god and demanded to be the lead singer_

 

 **The tailor:** _I got stuck on back up vocals_

 

 **Ripper-of-Organs:** _we were the amazing Allura and the mediocre Lance_

 

 **The tailor:** _you told me mediocre meant the same thing!_

 

 **Keefer:** _you fell for that?_

 

 **The tailor:** _I was five! Shouldn’t you be amazed I wrote a song!_

 

 **The Brianiac:** _id like to hear this song now_

 

 **Keefer:** _me too_

 

 **The tailor:** _NO!_

 

 **The tailor:** _ABSOLUTELY NOT_

 

 **The tailor:** _MY ENTIRE EXISTENCE IS SPENT ON THAT SONG NEVER BEING SEEN AGAIN_

 

 **Ripper-of-Organs:** _hold on ive got the lyrics saved on my phone_

 

 **The tailor:** _ALLURA_

 

 **Ripper-of-Organs:** _so the songs called “a moustache kinda uncle”_

 

 **Brianiac:** _brilliant_

 

 **Ripper-of-Organs:** _here it is_

 

 **Ripper-of-Organs:** _He gets on with life as a uncle,_

_He's a moustache kinda chap._

_He likes racing snails and tasting wine._

_He likes to contemplate Allura._

_But when he starts to daydream,_

_His mind turns straight to Lance._

_Oh oh oh!_

_Sometimes I look at him and I look into his eyes,_

_I notice the way he thinks about Lance with a smile,_

_Curved lips he just can't disguise._

_But he thinks it's Allura making his life worthwhile._

_Why is it so hard for him to decide which he loves more?_

_Allura or..._

_Lance?_

_He likes to use words like 'righteo' and 'crikey.'_

_He likes to use words about Allura._

_But when he stops his talking,_

_His mind turns straight to Lance._

_Oh oh oh!_

_Sometimes I look at him and I look into his eyes,_

_I notice the way he thinks about Lance with a smile,_

_Curved lips he just can't disguise._

_But he thinks it's Allura making his life worthwhile._

_Why is it so hard for him to decide which he loves more?_

_Allura or..._

_Lance?_

_He likes to hang out with Alfor and the mice._

_But when left alone,_

_His mind turns straight to Lance._

_Oh oh oh!_

_Sometimes I look at him and I look into his eyes,_

_I notice the way he thinks about Lance with a smile,_

_Curved lips he just can't disguise._

_But he thinks it's Allura making his life worthwhile._

_Why is it so hard for him to decide which he loves more?_

_Allura or..._

_Lance?_

_He hates smelly farms and falling over._

_But he just thinks back to Lance,_

_And he's happy once again._

 

_Oh oh oh!_

 

 **Brianiac:** _OMFG HAHAHAHAHA_

 

 **Keefer:** _Lance what the hell were you on as a kid_

 

 **Brianiac:** _DID YOU HAVE LIKE A CRUSH ON CORAN OR SOMETHING_

 

 **Brianiac:** _HAHAHA_

 

 **The tailor:** _no I was just really happy he took care of me_

 

 **Brianiac:** _im thankful when Matt takes care of me but I don’t write him a song_

 

 **The tailor:** _yeah well im not you_

 

 **The tailor:** _Allura can you pm me_

 

 **Ripper-of-Organs:** _ofc_

 

 

** {LesboShit <\----------> GayFuck} **

 

 **LesboShit:** _do you think I went too far?_

 

 **GayFuck:** _maybe a bit_

 

 

** {Princess <\----------> Prince} **

 

 **Princess:** _was Pidge’s teasing too much?_

 

 **Prince:** _no its just…_

 

 **Prince:** _is it really weird that I wrote Coran a song_

 

 **Princess:** _Lance you were 5 of course it wasn’t_

 

 **Princess:** _theres more bothering you whats wrong?_

 

 **Prince:** _nothing its stupid_

 

 **Princess:** _Lance your feelings aren’t stupid_

 

 **Princess:** _whats wrong?_

 

 **Prince:** _I mean I just_

 

 **Prince:** _when I wrote the song i_

 

 **Prince:** _it was when things started getting bad at home_

 

 **Prince:** _so I was really happy whenever Coran took care of me_

 

 **Princess:** _oh my gosh I didn’t know im sorry_

 

 **Prince:** _I didn’t expect you to_

 

 **Prince:** _but like staying with you and Coran was probably the best part of the week back then_

 

 **Prince:** _it was pretty much all I looked forward to_

 

 **Prince:** _and since my parents didn’t really seem to want me around Coran was the closest thing I had to an actual parent figure_

 

 **Princess:** _I really think you should tell him_

 

 **Prince:** _no way he has enough to worry about_

 

 **Princess:** _he could help_

 

 **Princess:** _I know he would take you and the kids in until your sister graduates_

 

 **Prince:** _Allura please_

 

 **Prince:** _I cant keep bothering him with my problems_

 

 **Prince:** _hes already done so much for me_

 

 **Prince:** _I cant I canft I cabt_

 

 **Princess:** _ok Lance ok_

 

 **Princess:** _do you want me to come over?_

 

 **Prince:** _im fine_

 

 **Princess:** _liar_

 

 **Prince:** _*im gross and snotty and don’t want you to see me like this_

 

 **Princess:** _that settles it im making a stop at krispy kreme and then im coming over_

 

 **Princess:** _what you want bby_

 

 **Prince:** _apple custard crumble doughnut with a blue heaven shake_

 

 **Princess:** _ill get something for the little ones as well_

 

 **Prince:** _My Queen <3_

 

 **Princess:** _see you soon my knight <3_

 

 

** {PiddlePop <\----------> BlueSp00k} **

 

 **PiddlePop:** _hey if I went too far earlier im sorry_

 

 **PiddlePop:** _I know sometimes I get out of hand with my jokes and not everyone responds to them like I do_

 

 **PiddlePop:** _so im sorry for making fun of your song_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _worry not little pigeon im fine_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _when I wrote the song I was having a tough time so I had wanted to show Coran how thankful I was that he took care of me_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _I don’t like thinking back on it much_

 

 **PiddlePop:** _fuck im sorry I didn’t know_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _exactly you didn’t know_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _nothing to be sorry for_

 

 **PiddlePop:** _if you don’t mind me asking… what was happening that was so bad?_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _ah_

 

 **PiddlePop:** _you don’t have to tell me I was just wondering!_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _no its fine_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _ive been trying to find a way to tell the rest of you guys anyway_

 

 **PiddlePop:** _the rest of us?_

 

 

** { 24-Hour Drama} **

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _guys im gonna tell Pidge_

 

**Hunk-Man:** _oh good its hard to keep stuff from her_

 

 **LaLaLLura:** _im glad you feel comfortable to tell someone else_

 

 

** {BlueSp00k <\----------> PiddlePop} **

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _only Hunk and Allura know about this so you cant tell anyone_

 

 **PiddlePop:** _whatever it is ill keep quiet_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _ok_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _my parents kind of… hit me_

 

 **PiddlePop:** _WHAT THE FUCK_

 

 **PiddlePop:** _SINCE YOU WERE FIVE?!_

 

 **PiddlePop:** _AND YOU’VE KEEP IT A SECRET ALL THIS TIME?!_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _sorry_

 

 **PiddlePop:** _shit no don’t apologise for that_

 

 **PiddlePop:** _I shouldn’t have burst out like that_

 

 **PiddlePop:** _does it_

 

 **PiddlePop:** _happen often_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _not really I mostly avoid being home when they are_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _I take the kids to the park or something_

 

 **PiddlePop:** _and no one else but Allura Hunk and I know?_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _no and no one can right now_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _there are a lot of reasons why but you cant tell anyone_

 

 **PiddlePop:** _ok_

 

 **PiddlePop:** _but you know you can come over like anytime right?_

 

 **PiddlePop:** _if you ever need to hide at my place its open to you_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _thanks pigeon_

 

 **PiddlePop:** _ugh that nickname is so old_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _but its how I show my affection_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _just like when you insult me I know its just how you say you care_

 

 **PiddlePop:** _shut up you idiot_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _See!_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _MY PIGEON LOVES ME_

 

 **PiddlePop:** _ew never_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _uh huh alright_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _anyway I gtg Allura’s here_

 

 **PiddlePop:** _ok_

 

 **PiddlePop:** _and Lance?_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _yeah?_

 

 **PiddlePop:** _I love you :)_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _PIIIIIIIIIIIDGE_

 

 **PiddlePop:** _shut up that never happened_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _my little sister_

 

 **PiddlePop:** _ugh youre worse than my actual brother_

 

 **PiddlePop:** _ttyl loser_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _bye pigeon_

 

 

** {The Morbidly Disturbed} **

 

 **OH MY FUCK:** _im away from the groupchat once and I miss out on a song all about Coran_

 

 **Dad-senpai:** _im more disturbed by the fact that no one spoke since then for three hours_

 

 **Coran Coran the gorgeous man:** _yes you two seem to be quite out of the loop_

 

 **Dad-senpai:** _thanks Coran_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So now Pidge knows about Lance's parents. Amidst the humor there is angst building up again, the question is: ARE YOU READY FOR IT? Also HC that Pidge actually secretly loves when Lance calls her Pigeon because she's weak for her brother.
> 
> I did not write this song, I used a song generator. The one I used was https://www.song-lyrics-generator.org.uk/ and I then went on Freestyle song. It's actually really entertaining to make random songs that are kind of shit.


	31. Chapter Thirty-One

** {IMMEDIATE ATTENTION VERY IMPORTANT} **

****

** {ShiroGONE has changed the chat name to WOW I LOVE PANIC ATTACKS} **

 

 **OH MY FUCK:** _Takashi?_

 

 **LaLaLLura:** _Shiro honey what happened_

 

 **ShiroGONE:** _I don't know I was in my bathroom getting ready for work and just_

 

 **ShiroGONE:** _all the sudden I got flashbacks_

 

 **OH MY FUCK:** _oh baby are you okay?_

 

 **ShiroGONE:** _im.... Not sure_

 

 **ShiroGONE:** _I kind of punched the wall_

 

 **ShiroGONE:** _I just wanted to let you both know in case it happens again_

 

 **LaLaLLura:** _thank you for telling us Kashi_

 

 **LaLaLLura:** _do we need to come over?_

 

 **ShiroGONE:** _no ill be fine_

 

 **ShiroGONE:** _I need to get to work_

 

 **ShiroGONE:** _< 3 you_

 

 **OH MY FUCK:** _we love you too Kashi_

 

 

** {Shit show <\----------> The worst Holt} **

 

 **Shit show:** _I know you have a gc with all the teens so I need youto tell everyone to be careful with Shiro today_

 

 **The worst Holt:** _why?_

 

 **Shit show:** _hes just having a bad day_

 

 **The worst Holt:** _k_

 

 

** {Young 'N' Rotten} **

 

 **Goblin:** _everyone be nice to Dad today_

 

 **Goblin:** _Matt says hes not feeling well_

 

 **Gaylien:** _why does he never tell me these things himself_

 

 **Sharkie:** _we shall be the most well behaved children hes ever had_

 

 **Hunkules:** _but Lance we're_

 

 **Sharkie:** _shhhh my sweet friend_

 

 **Sharkie:** _just let it happen_

 

 **Goblin:** _they always make me feel like Im intruding on an intimate moment_

 

 **Gaylien:** _tell me about_ _it_

 

 **Sharkie:** _you realise we're both still in the chat right?_

 

 **Hunkules:** _we didn't even do anything that weird this time!_

 

 **Sharkie:** _yeah!_

 

 **Goblin:** _whatever_

 

 **Goblin:** _Hunk I need to talk to you on private_

 

 **Sharkie:** _Keith theyre whispering about us_

 

 **Gaylien:** _rude_

 

 

** {Top Chef <\----------> Tiny Demon} **

 

 **Tiny Demon:** _ok so Lance told me about his parents last night and I waited until today so that I didn’t wake you and like_

 

 **Tiny Demon:** _I_ _tried my best to be supportive but WHAT THE FUCK_

 

 **Tiny Demon:** _LIKE ITS ONE THING FOR HIM TO HAVE ANXIETY AND INSECURITY BUT ITS ANOTHER FOR THEM TO MOST PROBABLY BE CAUSED BY HIS PARENTS_

 

 **Tiny Demon:** _HIS PARENTS HUNK_

 

 **Tiny Demon:** _PARENTS ARE SUPPOSED TO CARE FO R AND LOVE THEIR KIDS NOT BEAT THEM_

 

 **Tiny Demon:** _WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONGWIH THEM_

 

 **Top Chef:** _Pidge you need to calm down_

 

 **Top Chef:** _take some deep breathes_

 

 **Top Chef:** _screaming wont get you anywhere_

 

 **Tiny Demon:** _I just..._

 

 **Tiny Demon:** _how does he smile all the time?_

 

 **Top Chef:** _I don't know_

 

 **Top Chef:** _but its our job to make sure that he keeps smiling_

 

 **Top Chef:** _like he always does for us_

 

 **Tiny Demon:** _yeah_

 

 **Top Chef:** _besides hes having a good day today its Shiro we need to worry about_

 

 **Tiny Demon:** _there are too many problems in our lives_

 

 **Tiny Demon:** _why must we all be mentally inconvenienced?_

 

 **Top Chef:** _idk ask god_

 

 **Tiny Demon:** _I am;)_

 

**Top Chef:** _naww Pidge im blushing!!!_

 

 **Tiny Demon:** _ok lets go back theyre getting sus_

 

 

** {Young 'N' Rotten} **

 

 **Goblin:** _k were back_

 

 **Sharkie:** _and what were you two talking about_

 

 **Hunkules:** _private stuff_

 

 **Sharkie:** _fine don't tell me_

 

 **Sharkie:** _then I guess I wont tell you about what Keith and I were talking about_

 

 **Gaylien:** _what_

 

 **Sharkie:** _you know that really cool conversation we had just now_

 

 **Sharkie:** _that was really interesting_

 

 **Sharkie:** _and is like totally better than whatever they were talking about_

 

 **Sharkie:** _that thing_

 

 **Gaylien:** _what_

 

 **Sharkie:** _Keith…_

 

 **Gaylien:** _oh are we doing the lying thing?_

 

 **Sharkie:** _yes_

 

 **Gaylien:** _my bad restart_

 

 **Sharkie:** _…._

 

 **Goblin:** _lol losers_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's so short. I'm going through a thing again. I've been getting really anxious and sad lately but whenever I try talking to my friends they just kinda leave... So I don't know if they're avoiding me on purpose or. My girlfriend isn't really speaking to me either, even though I saw them talking on the group chat.  
> I've just been feeling like shit and everyone who I trust is abandoning me and this isn't the first time it's happened either. This is how I lost my last group of friends and like, they all promised that they wouldn't do that to me so.  
> Sorry I made this all about me, I'll try and write something better soon.


	32. Chapter Thirty-Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *Gasp* someone used to have a crush on someone? What a unique and original set-up!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ayyyyyooooo it's ya gurl! feeling better now so I wanted to pump out a chapter and reassure everyone that I'm fine now.

** {FuckYou <\----------> Takashit} **

 

 **FuckYou:** _hey so why didn’t you tell me you were feeling shit today_

 

 **Takashit:** _how did you know?_

 

 **FuckYou:** _Matt told the group not to be mean to you_

 

 **FuckYou:** _now answer my question_

 

 **Takashit:** _godamnit Matt_

 

**FuckYou:** _stop avoiding it answer meeeee_

 

 **Takashit:** _I just didn’t want to bother you_

 

 **Takashit:** _you hae your own depression to deal with and you’ve been trying to get closer to Lance and I didn’t want to give you more to focus on_

 

 **FuckYou:** _Shiro_

 

 **FuckYou:** _youre my brother_

 

 **FuckYou:** _nothing is more important than you_

 

 **FuckYou:** _if you needed someone to talk to I would drop anything_

 

 **FuckYou:** _so would anyone in the groupchat_

 

 **FuckYou:** _youre not a bother and we all want to be ther for you_

 

 **FuckYou:** _but if you don’t tell us when youre going through something we wont be able to help_

 

 **Takashit:** _ok ill let you know when I start feeling bad next time_

 

 **FuckYou:** _thank you_

 

 **FuckYou:** _now stop texting me geez don’t you have work_

 

 **Takashit:** _I believe you messaged me first_

 

 **FuckYou:** _shhhhh_

 

 

** {Lancey <\----------> Keithy} **

 

 **Lancey:** _yo yo yo what is up_

 

 **Keithy:** _oh god what do you want_

 

 **Lancey:** _why do you assume I want something :^(_

 

 **Keithy:** _because its you_

 

 **Lancey:** _r00d_

 

 **Lancey:** _but anyway so how busy are you at this exact moment?_

 

 **Keithy:** _not very_

 

 **Lancey:** _cool so um could you come pick me up?_

 

**Keithy:** _why?_

 

 **Lancey:** _no reason I just need to get out of the house_

 

 **Lancey:** _please_

 

 **Keithy:** _sure ill be there in ten_

 

 **Lancey:** _thank you_

 

 

** {24-Hour Drama} **

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _so im only saying anything because you made me promise_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _my dad came home early_

 

 **LaLaLLura:** _are you okay?_

 

 **LaLaLLura:** _are you safe?_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _yeah Keiths taking me to his house_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _im gonna hang there until I need to pick up the kids from their playdates_

 

 **Hunk-Man:** _they seem to be out of the house a lot_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _yeah I organise stuff for them as much as I can_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _that way theyre safer_

 

 **LaLaLLura:** _well my house is always free if you need somewhere for them to go_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _thanks_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _Keiths here gtg_

 

 **Hunk-Man:** _k bye_

 

 

\---------------------------------

 

** {The Morbidly Disturbed} **

****

** {Keefer has changed the chat name to Lance and Keith: Neck and Neck} **

 

 **The tailor:** _Keith pls_

 

 **Hunkalicious:** _do I want to know_

 

 **Keefer:** _Lance told me all about our old ‘rivalry’_

 

 **Keefer:** _aka his need to beat me at everything as a kid_

 

 **Hunkalicious:** _oh yeah_

 

 **Hunkalicious:** _That_

 

 **The tailor:** _Hunk if you say a word your dead to me_

 

 **Ripper-of-Organs:** _omg I remember that!!!_

 

 **Ripper-of-Organs:** _and the whole time it was just him trying to cover up how he really felt_

 

 **The tailor:** _ALLURA_

 

 **Keefer:** _what do you mean how he really felt_

 

 

** {Prince <\----------> Princess} **

 

**Prince:** _Allura I stg_

 

 **Prince:** _you cant tell him_

 

 **Princess:** _whats the harm_

 

 **Princess:** _so you used to have a crush on him its not like you do anymore_

 

 **Prince:** _but he’ll be weirded out!!!_

 

 **Prince:** _weve only just starting acting like proper friends_

 

 **Prince:** _I don’t want to risk losing what weve got_

 

 **Princess:** _ok_

 

 **Princess:** _im sorry I should have asked if you were comfortable with me telling him before I brought it up_

 

 **Prince:** _its fine_

 

 **Princess:** _so how freaked out did you get_

 

 **Prince:** _well……._

 

 

** {The Morbidly Disturbed} **

 

 **Keefer:** _will someone tell me why Lance has locked himself in the bathroom?_

 

 **Keefer:** _there was a loud crash_

 

 **Keefer:** _should I be concerned?_

 

 **Ripper-of-Organs:** _nah just bringing up embarrassing stories from his past_

 

 **Keefer:** _is that what you were saying earlier?_

 

**Keefer:** _if so please continue I would love to hear embarrassing stories about Lance_

 

 **Ripper-of-Organs:** _sorry Lance convinced me to keep my mouth shut about that_

 

 **Keefer:** _:(_

 

 **Ripper-of-Organs:** _however he never said anything about other stories_

 

 **Keefer:** _PIDGE GET YO ASS IN HERE BLACKMAIL IS BEING OFFERED_

 

 **Brianiac:** _I heard blackmail and I raced right over_

 

 **Ripper-of-Organs:** _ok so there was one time when he was five and somehow got it in his head that paint granted superpowers_

 

 **The tailor:** _oh god Allura not this one_

 

 **The tailor:** _its not even embarrassing it’s a near death experience_

 

 **Keefer:** _wait what_

 

 **Brianiac:** _tell me more im intrigued_

 

 **Ripper-of-Organs:** _so like he decided “hey whats the best way to get the power from this paint?”_

 

 **Ripper-of-Organs:** _and his answer was to drink it_

 

 **Keefer:** _no_

 

**Ripper-of-Organs:** _yes_

 

 **The tailor:** _go big or go home_

 

 **Keefer:** _Lance you could have died_

 

 **The tailor:** _ok but at the time I was ready to fight death daily_ _so_

 

 **Ripper-of-Organs:** _wasn’t this also during your batman phase?_

 

 **Brianiac:** _omg_

 

 **The tailor:** _…ok first off we agreed never to speak of that time_

 

 **The tailor:** _secondly no this was the superman phase_

 

 **Brianiac:** _omg_

 

 **Ripper-of-Organs:** _riiiiight and you refused to go near carrots because they were your ‘kryptonite’_

 

 **The tailor:** _still true to this day_

 

 **Keefer:** _back to the paint wtf_

 

 **Ripper-of-Organs:** _right so he grabbed this huge tin of paint from who knows where and drags it over to Coran and I and announces that hes going to become a superhero_

 

 **Ripper-of-Organs:** _and then chugs like three mouthfuls of it before we could get him away_

 

 **Ripper-of-Organs:** _so we drove him to the hospital and awkwardly explained what happened while he got his stomach pumped of paint_

 

**Ripper-of-Organs:** _still have suspicions about whether he was just trying to die before real school started_

 

 **The tailor:** _smh it didn’t work_

 

 **The tailor:** _I should have gone with the bleach_

 

 **The tailor:** _oh well theres always next time_

 

 **Keefer:** _Lance nO_

 

 **The tailor:** _lmao im just kidding_

 

 **The tailor:** _or am I_

 

 **Keefer:** _hisssssssss_

 

 **Keefer:** _live bitch_

 

 **Brianiac:** _I don’t know whats better_

 

 **Brianiac:** _the traumatic childhood story or the disturbingly aggressive affection between them_

 

 **Ripper-of-Organs:** _fun fact btw it was blue paint_

 

 **Brianiac:** _HA_

 

 **The tailor:** _I have no excuse for that blue is just a great colour_

 

 **The tailor:** _10/10 would paint my insides blue OH WAIT_

 

 **Keefer:** _how are you alive_

 

 **The tailor:** _bad luck and annoyingly helpful friends_

 

 **Ripper-of-Organs:** (☞ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)☞

 

 **Brianiac:** _ew Matts been a bad influence_

 

 **Keefer:** _the worst_

 

 **Ripper-of-Organs:** _lol this is all Lance_

 

 **The tailor:** _ayyyyy_

 

 **The tailor:** (☞ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)☞

 

 **Keefer:** _god make it stop_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, I'm back and feeling much better. There was a little while where I was actually really bad, I had hit one of my lowest points but a friend reached out to me and things were talked out. Only three people actually know and apologised about why I left the group chat and why I was feeling like shit but it's fine.  
> Me and my girlfriend went on a sort-of date (coz their parents don't really agree with the whole same-sex shit so we have to keep it on the down-low) so now I know they weren't avoiding me.  
> It was all my anxiety and now I feel kind of stupid for letting it get to me, but it's over now.
> 
> I'd like to thank all of you for being so supportive and understanding about what I was going through, and for the offers to talk. I hadn't felt stable enough to actually talk to people about it but it helped so much to know that at least you guys associated my existence with something not negative. (gah see? I can't even say how you guys feel about me for fear of getting it wrong) but yeah so thank you everyone, until the next chapter. <3


	33. Chapter Thirty-Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Are those... Feelings???

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess which douchebag is back in the plot???? If you guessed Alex you're right!

** {Babe <\----------> Bae<3} **

 

 **Babe:** _hey youre supposed to be flying back today right?_

 

 **Bae <3:** _yeah my flights in a couple hours_

 

 **Babe:** _awesome!!!_

 

 **Babe:** _ive missed you_

 

 **Bae <3:** _u2_

 

 **Bae <3:** _gtg a bunch of friends want to have a goodbye get together_

 

 **Babe:** _oh ok talk to you later?_

 

 **Bae <3:** _maybe_

 

 **Bae <3:** _love you_

 

 **Babe:** _love you too…_

 

 

** {Lancey <\----------> Keithy} **

 

 **Lancey:** _how do you know if someones avoiding you or just too busy to talk_

 

 **Keithy:** _the fact that im actually getting used to you just dropping this stuff on me is frankly concerning_

 

 **Keithy:** _but uh I guess its about how they act when you do talk?_

 

 **Keithy:** _like if they act like they’ve got better things to do then theyre probably just looking for excuses to leave_

 

 **Keithy:** _why?_

 

 **Lancey:** _idk Alex has just been really distant and my dumb brain wanted to overreact_

 

 **Lancey:** _hes flying back today tho so ill see him soon_

 

 **Keithy:** _well that’s good_

 

 **Keithy:** _maybe tell him you felt ignored?_

 

 **Lancey:** _nah_

 

 **Lancey:** _he was busy with all of his old friends in Cali_

 

 **Keithy:** _ok well you know you can always come to anyone in the group and wed all help_

 

 **Lancey:** _I know Keithy thank you :P_

 

 **Lancey:** _now I gotta blast_

 

 **Keithy:** _that memes dead_

 

 **Lancey:** _your hairstyles dead_

 

\----------------------------------

 

** {The Morbidly Disturbed} **

 

 **The tailor:** _can you hear that?_

 

 **The tailor:** _that’s the sound of my beautiful boyfriend returning to me_

 

 **Hunkalicious:** _so Alex is back?_

 

 **The tailor:** _yeah he arrived back an hour ago but hes busy with the whole being home thing so I have to wait patiently_

 

**The tailor:** _gahhhh I cant wait!!_

 

 **The tailor:** _I miss his face!_

 

 **The tailor:** _and his laugh!_

 

 **The tailor:** _and his voice!_

 

 **The tailor:** _and his lips!_

 

 **The tailor:** _and his lips!_

 

 **The tailor:** _and his lips!_

 

 **The tailor:** _have I said his lips?_

 

 **Ripper-of-Organs:** _alright Lance I think we get the idea_

 

 **The tailor:** _sorry for spamming_

 

 **The tailor:** _ive just been kinda fidgety without him_

 

 **The tailor:** _:^(_

 

 **Keefer:** _im sure he misses you just as much_

 

 **The tailor:** _thanks queef_

 

 **Keefer:** _never-fucking-mind_

 

 **The tailor:** _lmao_

 

 **Keefer:** _I try and be nice and this is the thanks I get_

 

 **The tailor:** _what do you mean try and be nice?_

 

 **The tailor:** _youre nice all the time_

 

 **Hunkalicious:** _debatable_

 

 **Keefer:** _no im not_

 

 **The tailor:** _ummmm yeah you are_

 

 **The tailor:** _whenever I have problems youre like the first person to help_

 

 **The tailor:** _and youre always giving me good advice when I need it_

 

 **The tailor:** _or reminding me of things I need to do_

 

 **The tailor:** _huh…..._

 

 **Keefer:** _what_

 

 **The tailor:** _nothing nothing_

 

 **The tailor:** _just realised how youre always there for me ^.^_

 

 **Ripper-of-Organs:** _omg_

 

 **OH MY FUCK:** _I entered into something really gay_

 

 **The tailor:** _MATT_

 

 **Hunkalicious:** _Keith buddy you good?_

 

 **Keefer:** _fine_

 

 **Keefer:** _I uh have to do something bye_

 

 **OH MY FUCK:** _well he left quickly_ ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

 

** {Mi Luna <\----------> Mi Sol} **

 

 **Mi Luna:** _Hunk we have a problem_

 

 **Mi Sol:** _Lance what did you do_

 

 **Mi Luna:** _ok so I didn’t mean to but_

 

 **Mi Luna:** _um_

 

 **Mi Luna:** _ok so have you noticed how much Keith has been there for me without even knowing whats wrong?_

 

 **Mi Sol:** _yeah?_

 

 **Mi Luna:** _well its just_

 

 **Mi Luna:** _something about that made me feel all glowy and warm and now im blushing??? and Hunk you know I never blush and like I love Alex. I love him with everything I have but hes been ignoring me and now Keith is just there and oh my god what if I have feelings for Keith?!?!?!_

 

 **Mi Sol:** _Lance calm down_

 

 **Mi Sol:** _youre fine its fine_

 

**Mi Luna:** _ok im fine_

 

 **Mi Sol:** _so you think you might have feelings for Keith?_

 

**Mi Luna:** _YES BUT I LOVE ALEX AND I CANT DO THAT TO HIM_

 

 **Mi Sol:** _alright_

 

 **Mi Sol:** _obviously youre not going to try anything with him while youre with Alex_

 

 **Mi Luna:** _id rather die than be a cheater_

 

 **Mi Sol:** _I know you would_

 

 **Mi Sol:** _so what do you want to do then?_

 

 **Mi Luna:** _I don’t know!_

 

 **Mi Luna:** _I should tell Alex right? Cos keeping secrets in a relationship is bad_

 

 **Mi Luna:** _but what if he hates me for it?_

 

 **Mi Luna:** _I haven’t even told him about my parents how do I tell him I might attracted to one of my best friends despite still being in love with him?!?!_

 

 **Mi Sol:** _well what about polyamory? That solved the Shalluratt issue_

 

 **Mi Luna:** _Alex gets super jealous hed hate it_

 

 **Mi Luna:** _besides im not really comfortable with dating multiple people…_

 

 **Mi Sol:** _fair enough_

 

 **Mi Sol:** _but there’s not really much you can do_

 

 **Mi Luna:** _im such a horrible person_

 

 **Mi Sol:** _youre not Lance lots of people go through this kind of problem_

 

 **Mi Sol:** _you feel guilty for this right?_

 

 **Mi Luna:** _yeah_

 

**Mi Sol:** _that makes you better than most of the population of the world_

 

 **Mi Luna:** _thanks Hunk_

 

 **Mi Luna:** _what do I do though_

 

 **Mi Sol:** _I guess you just have the choice about whether you tell Alex or not_

 

 **Mi Sol:** _sorry I can’t help much_

 

 **Mi Luna:** _its fine this is my own problem to solve_

 

 **Mi Luna:** _ill just have to squash all the attraction to Keith_

 

 **Mi Luna:** _easy I can do that_

 

 **Mi Luna:** _ive done it before_

 

 **Mi Sol:** _yeah but you were just kids then_

 

 **Mi Luna:** _doesn’t matter_

 

 **Mi Luna:** _the feelings I had for him back then only brought pain im not going to let anything like that happen again_

 

 **Mi Luna:** _I love Alex_

 

 **Mi Luna:** _Alex loves me_

 

 **Mi Luna:** _im happy with him_

 

 **Mi Luna:** _some stupid crush isn’t going to ruin that_

 

 **Mi Sol:** _just be careful you don’t make the wrong choice…_

 

 **Mi Luna:** _pfft who me? Every choice I make is the right choice_

 

 **Mi Sol:** _mmmhmmm_

 

 **Mi Luna:** _thanks for listening Hunk and for trying to help_

 

 **Mi Luna:** _youre the best friend I could ever ask for_

 

 **Mi Sol:** _nawwwwww Lance!!!_

 

 **Mi Luna:** _eres el sol para mi luna_

 

 **Mi Sol:** _y tú eres la luna para mi sol_

 

 **Mi Luna:** _do you ever think about how different our friendship is to others_

 

 **Mi Sol:** _yeah but I like our friendship_

 

 **Mi Sol:** _if I wanted you to be different I wouldn’t be your best friend now would i?_

 

 **Mi Luna:** _< 3_

 

 **Mi Sol:** _< 3_

 

 **Mi Luna:** _OH ALSO_

 

 **Mi Luna:** _whens Shay coming back?_

 

 **Mi Sol:** _shes supposed to be driving back down in a couple days_

 

 **Mi Luna:** _bet your excited_

 

 **Mi Sol:** _I miss my girlfriend T-T_

 

 **Mi Luna:** _hang in there buddy_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've got 13 days until school starts up again so I really want to write as much as possible. I'm so stressed and the school year hasn't even begun T-T God why do I have to want good grades and a stable future?


	34. Chapter Thirty-Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ooooooh drama!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Where's Lance?

** {Bae<3 <\----------> Babe} **

 

 **Bae <3:** _wanna come over;)_

 

 **Babe:** _that depends on what were gonna do_

 

 **Babe:** _coz I love you but I don’t really feel like doing the do if you catch my drift_

 

 **Bae <3:** _but ive been gone for so long and ive missed you:(_

 

 **Bae <3:** _you say you love me but then you don’t want to show me that?_

 

 **Babe:** _no no I do love you_

 

 **Babe:** _but like isn’t there other ways to show love than sex?_

 

 **Bae <3:** _are you saying you don’t like having sex with me?_

 

 **Babe:** _of course not!!_

 

 **Babe:** _Alex I love you but all im saying is that were moving kind of fast_

 

 **Bae <3:** _you think we’re moving too fast?_

 

 **Bae <3:** _I put up with all of your drama and you cant give me something so simple as sex?_

 

 **Bae <3:** _god if I knew you were gonna be such a bitch I wouldn’t have asked you out_

 

 **Babe:** _Alex!_

 **Bae <3:** _no fuck you_

 

 **Bae <3:** _if you don’t want to do stuff like this then obviously you don’t want to date me_

 

 **Bae <3:** _god its so typical you get the sex and then you act like a sleaze_

 

 **Babe:** _what no that’s not it_

 

 **Babe:** _I love you and want to be with you_

 

 **Bae <3:** _yeah well I don’t want to be with some slut who wont open his legs for his own boyfriend_

 

 **Babe:** …

 

 **Babe:** _ill be right over_

 

\----------------------------------------------

 

** {Lance and Keith: Neck and Neck} **

 

 **Brianiac:** _Lancelot I need your assistance_

 

 **Brianiac:** _hello?_

 

 **Brianiac:** _leg boy_

 

 **Brianiac:** _Meme McClain_

 

 **Brianiac:** _*sigh*_

 

 **Brianiac:** _sharpshooter?_

 

 **Hunkalicious:** _is he not answering?_

 

 **Brianiac:** _no do you think somethings wrong_

 

 **Keefer:** _he might just be busy_

 

 **Brianiac:** _hes never to busy to respond to sharpshooter its like whistling to a dog_

 

 **Keefer:** _hold on ill get the parents_

 

 **Ripper-of-Organs:** _no need we’re here_

 

**OHMYFUCK:** _he might be sleeping in? after all school’s starting again soon he might be trying to hibernate_

 

 **Brianiac:** _but the sharpshooter_

 

 **OHMYFUCK:** _good point_

 

 **OHMYFUCK:** _Shiro?_

 

 **Dad-senpai:** _I tried calling him and he didn’t answer_

 

**OHMYFUCK:** _WHERE IS MY SON!!!_

 

 **Keefer:** _that’s it im spamming him_

 

 **Hunkalicious:** _im gonna go check his house_

 

 **Ripper-of-Organs:** _ill come_

 

 **Brianiac:** _ill hack into his shit and see if I can find anything_

 

 **Dad-senpai:** _Matt and I will scope out the places he likes to hang_ _out_

 

 **Dad-senpai:** _Coran you there_

 

 **Coran Coran the Gorgeous Man:** _yes and im currently asking around to see if anyone knows where he is_

 

 **Hunkalicious:** _hey so we just got to Lance’s house_

 

 **Hunkalicious:** _nobodys home_

 

 **Hunkalicious:** _the neighbours said Lance dropped all his siblings off at the babysitters before leaving the house and they haven’t seen him since_

 

 **Dad-senpai:** _well when did they last see_ _him?_

 

 **Hunkalicious:** _this morning_

 

 **Keefer:** _its been hours since then!_

 

 **Hunkalicious:** _I know_

 

**Ripper-of-Organs:** _lets all keep our heads cool im sure theres nothing to worry about…_

 

 **Brianiac:** _oh theres something to worry about_

 

 **OHMYFUCK:** _what_

 

 **Brianiac:** _so like I hacked into Lance’s messages to see if he told anyone where hed be and I found a convo with him and Alex from this morning_

 

**Brianiac: {(5) images sent}**

 

 **Brianiac:** _look at what this douchebag said to Lance_

 

 **Ripper-of-Organs:** _that’s disgusting!_

 

 **Keefer:** ….

 

 **Keefer:** _who has his address?_

 

 **Dad-senpai:** _Keith no_

 

 **Brianiac:** _I pmed it to you_

 

 **Keefer:** _ill be back im going to go stab Alex_

 

 **Dad-senpai:** _KEITH_

 

\----------------------------------------

 

** {Lance and Keith: Neck and Neck} **

 

 **Keefer:** _new update: Lance wasn’t there_

 

 **Keefer:** _apparently he left ages ago for “no reason”_

 

 **Keefer:** _after a bit more threatening Alex admitted he slapped Lance and then he ran out crying_

 

 **Ripper-of-Organs:** _that’s not good_

 

 **Ripper-of-Organs:** _that’s really not good_

 

 **Hunkalicious:** _im going out to help look for him, Pidge you coming?_

 

 **Brianiac:** _yeah_

 

 **Dad-senpai:** _why do I feel like you three know something we don’t_

 

 **Ripper-of-Organs:** _because we do_

 

 **Keefer:** _what?_

 

 **Ripper-of-Organs:** _I cant tell you_

 

 **Keefer:** _Allura Lance is missing!_

 

 **Ripper-of-Organs:** _and if this information had any actual clues wed have found him by now!_

 

 **Ripper-of-Organs:** _we promised not to tell anyone_

 

 **Keefer:** _he could be in danger!_

 

 **Ripper-of-Organs:** _its his secret to tell!_

 

 **Dad-senpai:** _ok stop fighting_

 

 **Dad-senpai:** _Keith why don’t you come with me and Matt to look_

 

 **Keefer:** _whatever_

 

 **Dad-senpai:** _hey we’ll find him_

 

 **OHMYFUCK:** _and when we do hes getting the biggest grounding of his life_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah hi, I hate Alex and I created him. This vile monster is my own child. While it's not an excuse for this shit, Alex is young and ignorant, meaning I'm trying to make him the not-bad-but-bad-because-he's-shit-bad-guy. Teenagers, am I right?


	35. Chapter Thirty-Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance is found, but he's not in the best mental state...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: there are mentions of cutting/self-harm and rape. If this triggers or makes you uncomfortable then please don't read, I'll put a summary of the chap at the end.

Rain patters to the ground in teardrops, seeming to gather all of the sadness surrounding the world and bringing it together in this moment. Perfect timing, because cowering underneath a rusty playground is a boy with the deepest sadness in his heart.

 

His tan skin is bruised all over and cuts of various sizes and severities are scattered across his covered arms. Tear tracks stain his cheeks and if one hadn’t known better they would say that his eyes held no colour at all, having only a dark, murky storm within them.

The boy shudders with a fresh wave of sobs and pulls his knees closer to his chest, as though it will fight away the memories. But nothing could ever make him forget this day.

Forget the way Alex had dismissed his feelings yet again and laid him down on his bed. Forget how even when Lance requested to stop, Alex forced himself onward. Forget the rough way he had been held down and pounded into as though he were nothing more than a sexual tool to be exploited at his leisure. Forget how when it was all over and Lance had been thoroughly used, a hand had come slamming down on his face; a violent trigger to what would surely be waiting for him at home.

Most of all Lance wanted to forget how the steel gliding against his skin had helped. He wanted to forget the way the sight of his blood leaking from the thin cuts had awakened something in him and brought forth an almost animalistic side that Lance had never seen before. He really wanted to forget about how savagely he had torn up his arms after he had begun.

 

He sniffles pitifully and tries to wipe the tears from his puffy eyes, red and irritated from the endless amounts of salt water leaking from them. It’s well past midnight by now and Lance is far from home with only his half-dead phone and a couple dollars in his pocket, so he reigns in his sobs as much as he can and clicks the first contact that comes to mind when he thinks of safety, when he thinks of home.

“C-Coran…”

 

\----------------------------------------------------------

 

** {Lance and Keith: Neck and Neck} **

 

 **Coran Coran the Gorgeous Man:** _Lance called me and told me where he is_

 

 **Coran Coran the Gorgeous Man:** _Allura I need you to come help me quickly_

 

 **Ripper-of-Organs:** _omw_

 

 **Keefer:** _where is he?_

 

 **Coran Coran the Gorgeous Man:** _safe_

 

 **Coran Coran the Gorgeous Man:** _Allura and I will take care of him_

 

 **Keefer:** _Coran where is he_

 

 **Coran Coran the Gorgeous Man:** _hes spending the night at my house but he isn’t feeling up to any visitors Keith_

 

**Keefer:** _I don’t care_

 

 **Dad-senpai:** _Keith you can see Lance when hes feeling better_

 

 **Keefer:** _Shiro I had to physically hold myself back from stabbing Alex. I need to see him_

 

 **Keefer:** _Coran please_

 

 **Coran Coran the Gorgeous Man:** _…alright but I must warn you hes not fairing too well right now_

 

 **Keefer:** _what do you mean?_

 

 **Coran Coran the Gorgeous Man:** _just don’t react too intensely_

 

 **Hunkalicious:** _Coran is he okay?_

 

 **Coran Coran the Gorgeous Man:** _hes asleep right now_

 

 **Hunkalicious:** _that’s not what I asked oh god is he dying? Did he get attacked?_

 

 **Dad-senpai:** _Hunk calm down Im sure hes fine_

 

 **OHMYFUCK:** _TELL MY SON I LOVE HIM_

 

 **Brianiac:** _Matt your not his dad_

 

 **Brianiac:** _where did you find him?_

 

 **Ripper-of-Organs:** _a playground on the other side of the city_

 

 **Ripper-of-Organs:** no idea how he got all the way over there but he was a wreck when we found him

 

**Ripper-of-Organs:** _Keiths here gtg make sure he doesn’t wake him_

 

 **Dad-senpai:** _tell him we’re rooting for him_

 

**Brianiac:** _Shiro that was the most Dadly thing you’ve ever done and you had the audacity to say it when Lance isn’t around to appreciate it_

 

 **Dad-senpai:** ….

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lance ends up at a playground on the other side of the city with a bruised cheek and cuts on his arms. Alex forced himself on Lance and afterwards slapped him, making Lance panic and he runs out. He calls Coran and said Moustache Man takes him home where he and Allura clean him up. Keith insists on seeing him because he's an anxious little ball of fire. Also Shiro says he's rooting for Lance and Pidge makes fun of him  
> \------------------------  
> Sorry this chap took so long, I just started a new year at school and already have so much work! In my drama class we have an assignment where we need to write a script and chorus to a nursery rhyme and my group has a really bitchy girl who refuses to act and wrote a shit script. So we're basically fucked, I'm not panicking HAHAHAHA


	36. Chapter Thirty-Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the group talks about Lance 'n' shit idk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's shorter than usual, sorry. I'm back!!! Sorry I was gone for so long, I've been doing this weird thing where I actually put effort into my schoolwork. It's quite annoying actually.

** {Lance and Keith: Neck and Neck} **

****

** {Keefer has changed the chat name to I WANT TO FIGHT} **

 

 **Hunkalicious:** _oh no_

 

 **Dad-senpai:** _Keith no_

 

 **Keefer:** _IM GONNA FIGHT_

 

 **Keefer:** _YOU HAVENT SEEN HIM SHIRO_

 

 **Keefer:** _HES A WRECK ALL BECAUSE OF THAT STUPID MOTHERFUCKER_

 

 **Dad-senpai:** _Keith getting angry wont help anyone_

 

 **Hunkalicious:** _is he feeling any better?_

 

 **Keefer:** _little shit wont let us take him to the hospital to get checked so WE DON’T KNOW_

 

 **Keefer:** _WHY CANT HE JUST LET US TAKE CARE OF HIM_

 

 **Brianiac:** _hi yes Hunk youre driving me over to see him right now_

 

 **Brianiac:** _I was patient for the last few days but I need to see him now_

 

 **Hunkalicious:** _picking you up now!!_

 

 **Dad-senpai:** _then Matt and I will come see him tomorrow so that hes not overwhelmed_

 

 **OHMYFUCK:** _^^^_

 

 **Dad-senpai:** _also Keith are you coming home anytime soon?_

 

 **Keefer:** _no_

 

 **Ripper-of-Organs:** _please take him he hasn’t left Lance at all_

 

 **Keefer:** _if you try and take me away from him I will use my collection of knives in the most creative ways_

 

 **Dad-senpai:** _are you threatening me?_

 

 **Keefer:** _yes_

 

 **Keefer:** _youre losing your touch old man_

 

 **OHMYFUCK:** _oooooooh hes insulting you Takashi are you gonna take that_

 

 **Hunkules:** _Pidge im outside your house hurry up_

 

 **OHMYFUCK:** _id be worried that theres a teenage boy picking my little sister up if the boy weren’t one of my friends whose in a committed relationship and if my sister weren’t also in a committed relationship and VERY GAY_

 

 **Dad-senpai:** _I feel that. In my soul_

 

 **Keefer:** _Lance wants everyone to know that “y’all can calm the fuck down and same Matt same”_

 

 **OHMYFUCK:** _this is my son everybody. He gets me_

 

 **Keefer:** “(~￣³￣)~ _good vibes_ ”

 

 **Dad-senpai:** _it unnerves me that Keith is sending this stuff_

 

 **Keefer:** _only for Lance so stfu_

 

 **OHMYFUCK:** (ΘεΘʃƪ) _I caught dem good vibes_

 

 **Keefer:** _“like you caught my eye with dat ass_ ”

 

 **Keefer:** _and with that hes lost the privilege_

 

 **OHMYFUCK:** _don’t worry Lanceylance I will wait for you_

 

 **Brianiac:** “ _Keith’s a bitch and Pidge and Hunk are my only real friends now_ ”

 

 **OHMYFUCK:** D:

 

 **Hunkules:** _“You don’t count youre my papi”_

 

 **OHMYFUCK:** :D

 

 **Dad-senpai:** D:

 

 **Brianiac:** _“you don’t count youre my dad”_

 

 **Ripper-of-Organs:** D:

 

 **Hunkules:** _“youre standing right next to me wtf”_

 

 **Dad-senpai:** _wait why doesn’t Lance have his own phone_

 

 **Ripper-of-Organs:** _he left it at his house and he is not going back there for a while_

 

 **Keefer:** _but why?????_

 

 **Brianiac:** _because he’s better over at Allura’s where his siblings wont be screaming constantly_

 

 **OHMYFUCK:** _fair enough_

 

 **Keefer:** _I could just run over and grab him some stuff_

 

 **Hunkules:** _no!_

 

 **Brianiac:** _NO_

 

 **Ripper-of-Organs:** _absolutely not!_

 

 **Keefer:** _…k?_

 

 **Hunkules:** _anyway Lance wants some funny stories from the good old days when Shatt was in high school_

 

 **OHMYFUCK:** _ew_

 

 **Dad-senpai:** _why_

 

 **Brianiac:** _“because im in pain and my fathers love me”_

 

 **OHMYFUCK:** _hes got us there_

 

 **Dad-senpai:** _fine_

 

 **Dad-senpai:** _just nothing too embarrassing okay?_

 

 **OHMYFUCK:** _how about the time we accidentally got arrested_

 

 **Dad-senpai:** _no_

 

 **Keefer:** _WHAT_

 

 **Hunkules:** _omg_

 

 **Brianiac:** _I fucking knew it_

 

 **OHMYFUCK:** _they sound like they wanna know_

 

 **Dad-senpai:** _Matt we need to set a good example_

 

 **Ripper-of-Organs:** _oh honey its adorable that you think we’re acceptable role models for these children_

 

 **Keefer:** _um not a child??_

 

 **Ripper-of-Organs:** _youre under 18 youre a child_

 

 **Ripper-of-Organs:** _and Pidge is a foetus_

 

 **Brianiac:** _suck a dick_

 

 **OHMYFUCK:** _@allura and shiro come over_

 

 **Brianiac:** _wow I hate you_

 

 **OHMYFUCK:** _hey Pidge shut your face_

 

 **Brianiac:** _hey Matt get your own fucking place_

 

 **OHMYFUCK:** _but then who would screech at your door in the morning to make you drink coffee_

 

 **Brianiac:** _im sure someone will be willing to spam text me_

 

 **OHMYFUCK:** but Pidgey D:

 

 **Brianiac:** _idk why youre acting so shocked ive always been this rude_

 

 **Hunkules:** _yeah shes got you there_

 

 **Hunkules:** “ _Pidgeotto has been a demon without feelings since birth, you know that_ ”

 

 **Keefer:** ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 

 **OHMYFUCK:** _Shiro Allura the kids are picking on meeeeee!!!_

 

 **Ripper-of-Organs:** _oh no the teenagers are being douchebags?! What a fucking shocker!_

 

 **OHMYFUCK:** _everyones so mean to me_ :(

 

 **Brianiac:** _“we show our love through snarky comments”_

 

 **OHMYFUCK:** _fair enough_

 

 **Dad-senpai:** _get me out of this family_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been caught up with relationship stuff ;) yes young readers, your author is in LOVE! Legit like I see a future with my gf and whenever I think of them I feel like screaming in the good way. So because of my need to release these urges in a good way I'm probably gonna speed up the whole Klance deal. Whatcha think? Y'all want some fluffy gay shit?


	37. Chapter Thirty-Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's actually a conversation on the shit that happened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's so short babes, I ran out of ideas for the chappie.

** {I WANT TO FIGHT} **

 

 **The tailor:** _guess who went against the rules of his cousin and snuck out to get his phone late in the night_

 

 **Ripper-of-Organs:** _LANCE YOU LITTLE SHIT_

 

 **The tailor:** _feels so good to be bad_

 

 **Ripper-of-Organs:** _YOU ARE INJURED_

 

 **The tailor:** _im FINE_

 

 **The tailor:** _why are you awake anyway_

 

 **Ripper-of-Organs:** _BOY YOU BETTER HOPE YOUR ASS IS BACK IN THIS HOUSE BY THE TIME I CHECK_

 

 **The tailor:** _just ignore my question the shitivjfuj_

 

\-----------------------------

 

 

** {I WANT TO FIGHT} **

 

 **Keefer:** _wtf_

 

 **Hunkules:** _Lance are you like ok_

 

 **The tailor:** _pfft im fine what are you talking about_

 

**Brianiac:** _what even happened last night_

 

 **The tailor:** _nothing_

 

 **The tailor:** _absolutely nothing_

 

 **Keefer:** _but_

 

** {The tailor has changed their name to NOTHING} **

 

 **NOTHING:** _so how are you all doing today?_

 

 **Hunkules:** (⊙＿⊙)

 

 **Keefer:** _ok…_

 

 **Brianiac:** _if a robot were to reproduce what would the baby spawn be called?_

 

 **NOTHING:** a _botlet_

 

 **Brianiac:** _omg that’s adorable_

 

 **Brianiac:** _I ask this because I think Rover’s fallen in love_

 

**Brianiac: (1 video sent)**

 

 **NOTHING:** _my pores are clea r my crops are flourishing and I think I just learned what religion is_

 

**NOTHING:** _that’s so fucking cute_

 

 **Brianiac:** _RIGHT?!_

 

 **Keefer:** _but your pores are already clear???_

 

 **NOTHING:** _how do you know?_

 

 **Brianiac:** _yeah Keith how /do/ you know_

 

 **Keefer:** _you brag about it literally every second day_

 

 **Keefer:** _all your face masks and stuff_

 

 **Hunkules:** _I mean he has a point_

 

 **NOTHING:** _fair enough_

 

 **NOTHING:** _my pores are clearER then_

 

 **Hunkules:** _is that possible?_

 

 **NOTHING:** _theres always room for improvement_

 

 **Hunkules:** (￣^￣)ゞ

 

 

** {Keithy <\----------> Lancey} **

 

 **Keithy:** _so are we just going to ignore that you literally ripped your arm to shreds?_

 

 **Lancey:** _preferably yeah_

 

 **Keithy:** _Lance_

 

 **Lancey:** _well what do you want me to say? My day had been shit and I felt so numb and sad and then I made that first cut and I actually felt something and it scared me how good it made me feel but I couldn’t stop_

 

 **Lancey:** _there is that what you want?_

 

 **Lancey:** _some deep emotional story of why I did it?_

 

 **Lancey:** _my boyfriend turned out to be a dick just like you said and he assaulted me there_

 

 **Lancey:** _whoop-de-doo you were right!_

 

 **Keithy:** _I didn’t want to be right_

 

 **Keithy:** _look Lance I was so fucking worried when no one could find you. Then I was angry when I saw the texts that Alex sent. Then I was worried again because Coran had found you but you were all bloody and god I thought you were gonna die or something_

 

 **Keithy:** _what im trying to get at is im sorry I didn’t try harder to get you away from Alex_

 

 **Keithy:** _I knew he was bad from the start but I ignored that because I was scared youd hate me_

 

 **Lancey:** _you don’t have to apologise_

 

 **Lancey:** _im the one who dated him im the one who wouldn’t listen when you said you didn’t like him_

 

 **Lancey:** _can we just forget it ever happened please_

 

 **Keithy:** _…sure_

 

 **Keithy:** _hey Lance_

 

 **Lancey:** _??_

 

 **Keithy:** _Is that a Sudowoodo in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?_

 

 **Lancey:** _KEITH_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO MY BIRTHDAY'S IN TWO DAYS AND I'M LIKE ACTUALLY EXCITED??? I'M TURNING 16 WHICH IS PRETTY COOL. I WAS BORN ON HARMONY DAY HAHAHA AIN'T THAT COOL. So yeah I might post another chapter but if not it's because of that. (sidenote: Keith said a pokemon pick up line because flashback to when he used them to cheer Lance up in an earlier chapter.)


	38. Chapter Thirty-Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tombstones and cow juices

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is kind of a mess if I'm honest. I just needed to get something up for you guys. Also, it's my birthday!!! I'M SIXTEEN BITCHES YEET

** {I WANT TO FIGHT} **

****

** {NOTHING has changed their name to The tailor} **

 

 **The tailor:** _I liked this name better_

 

 **The tailor:** _I’m hungry_

 

 **The tailor:** _and my head hurts_

 

 **The tailor:** ❁

 

 **The tailor:** _flower for you_

 

 **The tailor:** _for all of you_

 

 **The tailor:** ❁

 

 **The tailor:** _bet you didn’t see that second one coming_

 

 **The tailor:** _haha_

 

 **The tailor:** _surprise motha focka_

 

 **The tailor:** _I really fucking love my cat_

 

 **The tailor:** _have I mentioned this yet???_

 

 **The tailor:** _because honestly I would kill for this floof_

 

 **The tailor:** _she is my child_

 

 **The tailor:** _theyre just so honest about how they feel_

 

 **The tailor:** _like if they like you they like you but if they don’t then youre an asswipe no joke_

 

 **The tailor:** _I would drop someone if my cat didn’t like them_

 

 **The tailor:** _me: tell me sweet demon what do you think of my new fren_

_Cat: meow_

_Me: mmm hmm I see.._

_Cat: meow_

_Me: right_

_Cat: theyre a fucking dick_

 

 **The tailor:** _mystery solved_

 

 **The tailor:** _cats hate everyone_

 

 **The tailor:** _because humans are all horrible_

 

 **The tailor:** _its our nature_

 

 **The tailor:** _but we have the freakingg joy of having pets anyway??_

 

 **The tailor:** _how fucking luky are we_

 

 **The tailor:** _wow_

 

 **The tailor:** ❁

 

 **The tailor:** _haha I threw a third fucking flower on yo asses_

 

 **The tailor:** _nvm I take it all back_

 

 **The tailor:** _Blue made me drop my fucking phone_

 

 **The tailor:** _don’t give me that doe eyed look you binch_

 

 **The tailor:** _fucking rolling over like youre adorable_

 

 **The tailor:** _well you are!_

 

 **The tailor:** _god I love cats_

 

 **The tailor:** _don’t you?_

 

 **The tailor:** _do you take medicine before or after food?_

 

 **The tailor:** _does it make a difference?_

 

 **The tailor:** _ive been living off of chips and maltesers so I should probably eat something else_

 

 **The tailor:** _huh_

 

**The tailor:** _would you think of me as a problem child?_

 

 **The tailor:** _or a parental figure?_

 

 **The tailor:** _id kick ass at both tbh_

 

 **The tailor:** _I just kick ass lol_

 

 **The tailor:** _kick ass go to space represent the human race_

 

 **The tailor:** _EVERYTHING TASTES LIKE SHIT WHAT IS LIFE_

 

 **The tailor:** _THANKS FOR YNOTHING YOU LYING SACK OF SADNESS_

 

 **The tailor:** _Death is my only friend now_

 

 **The tailor:** _love you fam <3_

 

 **The tailor:** _Death ‘N’ I hittin’ it off like soulmate a_

 

**The tailor:** _id fuck death_

 

 **The tailor:** _wow thatd be wild_

 

 **The tailor:** _what the fuck would even happen there_

 

 **The tailor:** _does death have a specified gender?_

 

 **The tailor:** _like isn’t death just….death?_

 

 **The tailor:** _huh_

 

 **The tailor:** _I feel like whatever gender life is it would be that extra person who gets Starbucks every morning_

 

 **The tailor:** _“lookin’ firce!!!XD”_

 

 **The tailor:** _“RAWR~”_

 

 **The tailor:** _death be like_

 

 **The tailor:** _“please stop_

 

 **The tailor:** “

 

 **The tailor:** _“I didn’t ask for this”_

 

 **The tailor:** _lol_

 

 **The tailor:** _im eating crushed up wheat that’s been softened in baby cow’s growth juice_

 

 **The tailor:** _“feast my brreathren” the mother cow whispers to her newly born calf, still covered in the fluids excreted from its mother’s womb_

 

 **The tailor:** _her udders shudder temptingly in front of the young calf’s face and soon enough it loses its restraint and grasps the teet in its mouth_

 

 **The tailor:** _*teat?_

 

 **The tailor:** _tit**_

 

 **The tailor:** _I spent too much time contemplating the suckling of a cow that my wehatbix got soggy_

 

 **The tailor:** _eugh_

 

 **The tailor:** _my delicate palette cannot stomach this crap_

 

 **The tailor:** _jk I cant turn away my moist wheat breakfast_

 

 **The tailor:** _mmmm slurpin’ up that wheat filled cow’s nutrition huice_

 

 **The tailor:** _this is my legacy_

 

 **The tailor:** _and what a fucking legacy it is_

 

**The tailor:** _now I get to cringe at the feeling of swallowing tablets and drink actual juice that’s only like 2% natural fruit juice_

 

 **The tailor:** _ya know one day im going to be dead.._

 

**That tailor:** _what a weird thought_

 

 **The tailor:** _coz right now im not dead_

 

 **The tailor:** _but one malfunction in a plane full of people I have no connection to and I could die right now_

 

 **The tailor:** _that’s wild_

 

 **The tailor:** _its weird coz I don’t really want to die right now?_

 

 **The tailor:** _like usually I kinda just don’t care either way_

 

 **The tailor:** _like I have no control over that stuff so why should I worry about it right_

 

 **The tailor:** _and im not worrying about it_

 

 **The tailor:** _but I can hear Blue running around in the hallway right now like the little shit she is and im watching belle and beast dance around in the ballroom and_

 

 **The tailor:** _wow I really love everything I have_

 

 **The tailor:** _like I have my siblings and my pets and the beach and you guys  and im so fucking lucky_

 

 **The tailor:** _like I don’t deserve any of this_

 

 **The tailor:** _but I get it anyway_

 

 **The tailor:** _and im really fukcing glad_

 

 **The tailor:** _coz I love all you hoes_

 

 **The tailor:** _and life without you guys would suck_

 

 **The tailor:** _so yeah_

 

 **The tailor:** _just keep being in my life pls and thnk u_

 

 **The tailor:** _wow that went really serious ew_

 

 **The tailor:** ❁

 

 **The tailor:** _hahahahaha flower_

 

 

** {I WANT TO FIGHT} **

 

 **Hunkules:** _Laaaaaaaaaaaaaance_

 

 **Hunkules:** _you made me cry!_

 

 **The tailor:** _newwwwwww don’t crehhhhhh_

 

 **Hunkules:** _too late im already crying_!

 

 **Dad-senpai:** _how did you manage to talk for over three hours_

 

 **The tailor:** _I complete lack of comprehension of time_

 

**The tailor:** _it’s a skill few possess_

 

 **Keefer:** _?????_

 

 

** {Keithy <\----------> Lancey} **

 

 **Keithy:** _why are you always awake at 5 in the morning_

 

 **Lancey:** _ah Keith_

 

 **Lancey:** _Keithy Keithy Keith_

 

 **Lancey:** _I don’t have an excuse im just a mess and I don’t sleep_

 

 **Keithy:** _well stop???_

 

 **Keithy:** _wtf????_

 

 **Lancey:** _born a mess die a mess_

 

 **Lancey:** _sorry I don’t make the rules :/_

 

 **Keithy:** _what is it with you and dying today_

 

 **Lancey:** _nothin I just had a dream that I was dead and my tombstone said “he died like he lived. Extravagantly and with slightly questionable circumstances” and just??? Yeah fair enough_

 

 **Keithy:** _my tombstone will say “he wanted this”_

 

**Lancey:** _I FEEL THAT_

 

 **Lancey:** _but consider alternatives such as_

 

 **Lancey:** _"He got what was coming to him"_

 

 **Lancey:** _"It's what he deserved”_

 

**Lancey:** _"'Die' they all said. 'It'll be a blast' they all said"_

 

 **Keithy:** _THOSEAREACTUALLYFUNNYWTF_

 

 **Lancey:** _thank you my ego has been inflated by your comment_

 

 **Keithy:** _welp better take it back then_

 

 **Lancey:** _nope too late the compliment has been received_

 

 **Lancey:** _im funny_

 

 **Lancey:** _theres no going back_

 

 **Keithy:** _you are a nightmare to talk to_

 

 **Lancey:** _and yet you do it anyway_

 

 **Lancey:** (灬♥ω♥灬)

 

 **Keithy:** ༼♥ل͜♥༽

 

 **Lancey:** _naw it has your nose_

 

 **Keithy:** _its got your wrinkles_

 

 **Lancey:** _I DO NOT HAVE WRINKLES_

 

 **Lancey:** _TAKE IT BACK YOU HEATHEN_

 

 **Keithy:** _nope too late the insult has been received_

 

 **Keithy:** _theres no going back_

 

 **Lancey:** _you_

 

**Keithy:** _me_

 

 **Lancey:** _youre a demon_

 

 **Keithy:** _born and raised in hell summoned to earth to torture the souls of the living_

 

 **Lancey:** _gasp_

 

 

** {I WANT TO FIGHT} **

****

** {The tailor has changed the chat name to Keith’s a Demon} **

 

 **Keefer:** _lies_

 

 **Keefer:** _wheres your proof_

 

 **Dad-senpai:** _your existence is proof enough tbh_

 

 **Brianiac:** _fucking owned_

 

 **OHMYFUCK:** _Katie you cant talk you too are a demon_

 

 **Brianiac:** 凸ಠ益ಠ)凸

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd like to take a moment to address something that happened in the comment section of my SasuNaru fic. There was a comment that was both incredibly rude and unoriginal. I didn't actually find it offensive, it was quite true actually and it made me laugh, but that doesn't make it okay. So this is a call out, don't be a dick please and thank you.
> 
> (for real though: psycho virgin f*g isn't far from the truth. But shut your mouth you twelve year old toilet-roll)


	39. Chapter Thirty-Nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance does what I wish I could do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's mostly filler at this point i just want to make funny stuff.

** {Keith’s a Demon} **

 

 **Hunkules:** _someone stop him_

 

 **Ripper-of-Organs:** _what_

 

 **The tailor:** _Hunk it’ll be fiiiiiiine_

 

**Brianiac:** _I call bullshit but itll be funny to watch so you have my support_

 

 **Hunkules:** _Lance this is such a bad idea_

 

 **The tailor:** _relax ive got this_

 

 **Dad-senpai:** _what are you three doing_

 

 **The tailor:** _nothing_

 

 **Brianiac:** _nothing_

 

 **Hunkules:** _Lance is trying to jump from the roof into the pool to land on a bodyboard and Pidge is filming!_

 

 **Brianiac:** _tattle tale_

 

 **Dad-senpai:** _Lance no!_

 

 **OHMYFUCK:** _Lance yes!_

 

 **The tailor:** _Lance yes_

 

 **The tailor:** _yasss Matt_

 

 **Keefer:** _this sounds like a bad idea but its Lance getting hurt so I say go for it_

 

 **The tailor:** _rude_

 

 **Dad-senpai:** _no_

 

 **The tailor:** _YOURE OUT NUMBERED DAD_

 

 **The tailor:** _OUT VOTED_

 

 **Dad-senpai:** _THIS ISNT A DEMOCRACY IT’S A MONARCHY_

 

 **OHMYFUCK:** _IT’S A DICTATORSHIP_

 

 **Dad-senpai:** _EXACTLY_

 

 **Keefer:** _and Shiros the dick-tator_

 

 **Dad-senapi:** _see Keith gets it_

 

 **Dad-senpai:** _wait_

 

 **The tailor:** _pfft get owned Shiro_

 

 **Dad-senpai:** _-.- Keith really?_

 

 **Keefer:** ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 

 **Dad-senpai:** _im so fucking done with that emoticon why do you all use that all the time_

 

 **The tailor:** _bc it perfectly sums up what we’re saying?_

 

 **The tailor:** _duh?_ ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 

**Dad-senpai:** _I hate you all_

 

 **Hunkules:** _IM SORRY CAN WE GET BACK TO THE TOPIC AT HAND LANCE WANTS TO GET HIMSELF KILLED_

 

 **The tailor:** _not killed just probably slightly maimed_

 

 **The tailor:** _itll be worth the pain_

 

 **Ripper-of-Organs:** _Lance do not jump into a pool from the roof to try and land on a bodyboard_

 

 **The tailor:** _are you my parent/guardian? I think not_

 

 **The tailor:** _are you a law enforcement officer? I think not_

 

 **The tailor:** _technically you have no way to stop me_

 

 **Dad-senpai:** _I’ll call your parents and have them stop you_

 

 **The tailor:** _no you will not_

 

 **Dad-senpai:** _watch me_

 

 **The tailor:** _piiiiiiiidge stop him_

 

 **Brianiac:** _call his parents and I release the photos of 2016_

 

 **Dad-senpai:** ….

 

 **Dad-senpai:** _it seems we’ve reached a stalemate_

 

 **The tailor:** _it seems we have_

 

 **Ripper-of-Organs:** _I guess this means I need to bring in the big guns_

 

 **The tailor:** _oh god_

 

 **Ripper-of-Organs:** _Lance, what would Coran say if you got hurt so soon after you got better? :(_

 

 **The tailor:** _ughhhhhhh_

 

 **Ripper-of-Organs:** _you don’t want him to have to be all worried again do you?_

 

 **The tailor:** _no_

 

 **Ripper-of-Organs:** _its not fair to him is it?_

 

 **The tailor:** _no_

 

 **Ripper-of-Organs:** _now are you going to rethink your choice of jumping off of a roof_

 

 **The tailor:** ….

 

 **The tailor:** _no!_

 

 **Hunkules:** _HEFUCKINGJUMPEDHELP_

 

**Ripper-of-Organs:** _LANCE_

 

 **Keefer:** _Pidge are you filming?!_

 

 **Brianiac:** _hell yeah I am_

 

 **Brianiac:** _he tossed his phone to Hunk and just dived_

 

 **Brianiac:** _it was elegant_

 

 **Brianiac:** _like a swan_

 

 **Brianiac:** _truly beautiful_

 

 **The tailor:** _lmao I swallowed like half the pool_

 

 **Hunkules:** _you could have broken your entire body!_

 

 **The tailor:** _but I didn’t that’s the important thing_

 

 **Hunkules:** _I almost had a heart attack!_

 

 **The tailor:** _that sounds like a you problem_

 

 **Hunkules:** _> :(_

 

** {Hunkules has left the chat} **

 

 **The tailor:** _oops_

 

 **Brianiac:** _youd better go an apologise_

 

 **The tailor:** _im going im going soothe your boobs god_

 

 

** {Mi Luna <\----------> Mi Sol} **

 

 **Mi Luna:** _Huuuuuuuunk_

 

 **Mi Luna:** _are you mad?_

 

 **Mi Sol:** _yes im mad_

 

 **Mi Luna:** _is it because I jumped off of the roof even though you told me not to?_

 

 **Mi Sol:** _kind of_

 

 **Mi Luna:** _you wanna tell me why youre angry?_

 

 **Mi Sol:** _I feel like you don’t understand just how much the group cares and worries about you and I don’t know if its because you cant see it or you don’t care but it needs to change because I cant keep seeing you getting hurt and acting like it doesn’t matter_

 

 **Mi Sol:** _I know you’ve got a lot of stuff going on but damnit Lance we love you and it hurts us when we see you pretending everythings fine_

 

 **Mi Luna:** _oh…_.

 

 **Mi Sol:** _wow that probably sounded really crappy_

 

 **Mi Luna:** _no no youre right_

 

 **Mi Luna:** _im sorry if I don’t show how much I appreciate you guys_

 

 **Mi Luna:** _its not that I don’t know its just_

 

 **Mi Luna:** _I don’t deserve it I guess????_

 

 **Mi Luna:** _like I try to give you guys a reason to hate me so that I don’t have to look for any if you ditch me_

 

 **Mi Luna:** _and I know its stupid because none of you will leave and I trust you all I just don’t trust myself in not being annoying_

 

 **Mi Sol:** _Lance_

 

 **Mi Luna:** _go ahead give me a feelings_ _talk_

 

 **Mi Sol:** _you don’t need to be scared that we wont like you coz itll never happen_

 

 **Mi Sol:** _we’re family and family sticks together_

 

 **Mi Luna:** _while I don’t disagree that I see you guys as family, may I remind you of my parents_

 

 **Mi Sol:** _they are not your parents Lance_

 

 **Mi Sol:** _they may have given birth to you but the way they treat you is not the way parents treat their kids_

 

 **Mi Sol:** _you wanna know who your parents are?_

 

 **Mi Sol:** _my mums and Coran and sometimes Allura and Shiro_

 

 **Mi Sol:** _theyre your parents because they take care of you and love you_

 

 **Mi Sol:** _and so does the rest of the group chat_

 

 **Mi Sol:** _I know my words aren’t going to change the way your mind works but please at least try to open up to the others about this stuff_

 

 **Mi Sol:** _they can help I know it_

 

 **Mi Luna:** _fine ill try_

 

 **Mi Sol:** _:)_

 

 **Mi Luna:** _ok that’s enough real feelings I feel too exposed_

 

 **Mi Luna:** _shall I add you back to the chat Hunky buns?_

 

 **Mi Sol:** yes please bb

 

 

** {Keiths a Demon} **

****

** {The tailor has added Hunk-Man} **

 

 **Hunk-Man:** _hi sorry I left so suddenly_

 

 **Dad-senpai:** _its fine did you two work out whatever happened_

 

 **The tailor:** _yeah we Gucci_

 

 **Hunk-Man:** _^^^^_

 

 **Hunk-Man:** _also @Lance Pidge and Keith you guys wanna come over my mums are making lasagne_

 

 **Keefer:** _sure_

 

 **The tailor:** _do I want to go to heaven and die happy? OF COURSE_

 

 **Brianiac:** _im at your front door let me in_

 

 **Hunk-Man:** _jesus Christ_

 

 **The tailor:** _is Shay coming too?_

 

 **Hunk-Man:** _yeah_

 

 **Hunk-Man:** _oh and she says sorry for not being active in the gc her phone had to be repaired_

**The tailor:** _as if we could ever be upset with our ray of sunshine_

 

 **Hunk-Man:** _fair point ok see you guys in a few minutes_

 

**The tailor:** _hey Keith come pick me up_

 

 **Keefer:** _needy much_

 

 **The tailor:** _please coolest and most bad ass person in the world whos mullet isn’t the most terrible hairstyle and is actually sorta nice_

 

 **Keefer:** _I screenshotted that_

 

 **Keefer:** _you admitted that my mullet isn’t bad_

 

 **The tailor:** _well you just admitted to having a mullet soooooo_

 

 **Keefer:** _fuck_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey fam what's good? I got my ears pierced and while i love them I keep accidentally bumping them and it hurts like FUCK. I feel like there was other news to share regarding my life but I can't think of anything so I'll just leave it for another time.


	40. Chapter Forty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> its a late night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> its short i just wanted to get something out. Happy Easter to those who celebrate

** {Keiths a Demon} **

 

 **Hunk-Man:** _does a placenta contain gluten?_

 

 **Dad-senpai:** _…im not even gonna go there_

 

 **OHMYFUCK:** _Hunk omg!_

 

 **Hunk-Man:** _NO I MEANT POLENTA_

 

 **Hunk-Man:** _IM PURE I SWEAR_

 

 **Dad-senpai:** _I don’t think I can ever trust you again_

 

 **Hunk-Man:** _THIS IS THE BIGGEST FAILURE OF MY LIFE_

 

 

** {OHMYFUCK has changed the chat name to Gluten Free Placenta} **

 

 **OHMYFUCK:** _im so glad that I was awake to witness that_

 

 **Dad-senpai:** _im ending this now goodnight_

 

\--------------------------------------

 

 

** {Gluten Free Placenta} **

 

 **Hunk-Man:** _8 cups fresh apricots - peeled, pitted, and crushed_

_6 cups white sugar_

_1/4 cup lemon juice_

_5 (1 pint) canning jars with lids and rings_

 

 **Hunk-Man:** _Mix apricots and lemon juice in a large pot; add sugar. Slowly bring to a boil, stirring until sugar dissolves. Cook and stir until apricot mixture thickens, about 25 minutes. Remove from heat and skim foam if necessary._

 

 **Hunk-Man:** _Meanwhile, prepare jars, lids, and rings by cleaning and sterilizing in dishwasher or boiling water bath. Leave lids in simmering water until ready to seal jars._

 

 **Hunk-Man:** _Ladle hot jam into hot sterilized jars, leaving about 1/4 inch of space on top. Run a knife or a thin spatula around the insides of the jars after they have been filled to remove any air bubbles. Wipe the rims of the jars with a moist paper towel to remove any food residue. Top with lids and screw on rings._

 

 **Hunk-Man:** _Place a rack in the bottom of a large stockpot and fill halfway with water. Bring to a boil, then carefully lower the jars into the pot using a holder. Leave a 2-inch space between the jars. Pour in more boiling water if necessary until the water level is at least 1 inch above the tops of the jars. Bring the water to a full boil, cover the pot, and process for 15 minutes._

 

 **Hunk-Man:** _Remove the jars from the stockpot and place onto a cloth-covered or wood surface, several inches apart, until cool. Once cool, press the top of each lid with a finger, ensuring that the seal is tight (lid does not move up or down at all). Store in a cool, dark area._

 

 **The tailor:** _is this your way of telling us you made apricot jam???_

 

 **Hunk-Man:** _I just thought you guys might like to know the recipe_

 

 **The tailor:** _thanks buddy_

 

 **Dad-senpai:** _it_

 

 **Dad-senpai:** _is 2_

 

 **Dad-senpai:** _in the fucking morning_

 

 **Dad-senpai:** go to sleep

 

 **The tailor:** _dad cussed_ (゜Д゜;)

 

 **Dad-senpai:** _Lance I know where you live I will come and take your phone_

 

 **The tailor:** _nighty night everyone!!!!!!_

 

\---------------------------

 

** {Gluten Free Placenta} **

 

 **Hunk-Man:** _Thomas Keller said “A recipe has no soul. You as the cook must bring soul to the recipe” and I live by that_

 

 **OHMYFUCK:** _that’s beautiful_

 

 **Hunk-Man:** _ikr inspirational_

 

 **Dad-senpai:** ……

 

 

** {Keithy <\----------> Lancey} **

 

 **Keithy:** _is Hunk okay? Hes acting weird_

 

 **Lancey:** _hes fine this is how he gets when hes having a cooking binge_

 

 **Keithy:** _a what_

 

 **Lancey:** _where he gets this huge mood to cook so he goes all out and stuff_

 

 **Lancey:** _he’ll probably pass out around 5 and then make his own coffee from “self-grown coffee beans that he’s ground with his own two beefy hands”_

 

 **Keithy:** _so this happens a lot?_

 

 **Lancey:** _yeah but not too often_

 

 **Lancey:** _couple times a year_

 

 **Keithy:** _how haven’t we known about this before?_

 

 **Lancey:** _lmao idk_ ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 

 **Keithy:** _why are you awake anyway_

 

 **Lancey:** _couldn’t sleep wbu_

 

 **Keithy:** _same_

 

 **Lancey:** …

 

 **Keithy:** …

 

 **Lancey:** _this is awkward isn’t it_

 

 **Keithy:** _definitely_

 

 **Lancey:** _whyyyyyyyyy_

 

 **Keithy:** _I don’t know maybe cos its 4 in the morning and we’re up talking about Hunk’s weird cooking schedule_

 

 **Lancey:** _nah its something else_

 

 **Lancey:** _hey Keith why do you feel awkward with me_

 

 **Keithy:** _don’t ask that it sounds weird_

 

 **Lancey:** _but Keith we need to talk about our feelings and open up to each other_

 

 **Keithy:** _yeah wherever you heard that its wrong and stupid_

 

 **Lancey:** _fine I was gonna share my feelings with you but if you don’t wanna hear it ill just_

 

 **Lancey:** _leave…_

 

 **Lancey:** _:(_

 

 **Lancey:** _:((((_

 

 **Keithy:** _ugh fine share your feelings_

 

 **Lancey:** _yayyyyy_

 

 **Lancey:** _sometimes I do stupid shit that risks my health in the hopes that youll all realise how much work it is to be around me and leave for the better good of yourselves before I can let myself become used to being wanted before im inevitably alone and unloved:)_

 

 **Lancey:** _your turn_

 

 **Keithy:** _wtf…_

 

 **Lancey:** _sh don’t look too deeply into it just go_

 

 **Keithy:** _uh I have abandonment issues from when my mum left and tend to push others away before they can do the same to me. Shiro says its normal but I think its just an instinct I have to keep others away because im too scared to see that I really need them around_

 

 **Lancey:** _wow_

 

 **Lancey:** _we’re both fucked up huh?_

 

 **Keithy:** _shit we are_

 

 **Lancey:** _well at least we know we’re not alone lol_

 

 **Keithy:** _good point_

 

 **Keithy:** _I think the groupchat finally settled down im gonna try and sleep_

 

 **Lancey:** _alright night Keef_

 

 **Keithy:** _goodnight Lonce_

 

 **Lancey:** _just so you know, im sorry about the stuff with your mum. I know you don’t like to talk about it so thanks for telling me_

 

 **Keithy:** _of course id tell you almost anything_

 

 **Lancey:** _almost? ;) watchu hiding from me queef_

 

 **Keithy:** _goodnight Lance_

 

 **Lancey:** _asshole_

 

 **Lancey:** _night_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My anxiety's being a shit again so that's a thing. I don't like bothering my friends with this though so I'll probably just deal with it.


	41. Chapter Forty-One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A chapter so soon after the last -gasp- its a filler

** {The Meme Team} **

 

 **MattMeme:** _guess whos having a panic attack_

 

 **MattMeme:** _its ya guy_

 

 **MemeMcClain:** _are you okay?_

 

 **MattMeme:** _lmao_

 

 **MemeMcClain:** _rephrase that, are you safe?_

 

 **MattMeme:** _ditching work to hide in the bathroom_

 

 **MemeMcClain:** _are you able to talk about what happened?_

 

 **MattMeme:** _nothing big just saw a guy from high school who used to beat me up_

 

 **MattMeme:** _he noticed me and did the whole “I remember you, youre the twink”_

 

 **MattMeme:** _then he kinda put his hand on the back of my neck and it freaked me out_

 

 **MemeMcClain:** _should I call Shiro or Allura?_

 

 **MattMeme:** _no don’t do that_

 

 **MattMeme:** _just figured I should let someone know and well you two are like siblings to me_

 

 **EenieMemie:** _im your actual sibling_

 

 **MattMeme:** _exactly_

 

 **EenieMemie:** _either way you should probably tell your boyfriend and girlfriend about this_

 

 **MattMeme:** _no_

 

 **MemeMcClain:** _whoops I already alerted Allura that she will be needed at your workplace_

 

 **MattMeme:** _you what_

 

 **MemeMcClain:** _I didn’t say anything I just hinted that something happened at your work and now shes on her way over to you_

 

 **MattMeme:** _Lannnnnnnnce_

 

 **MemeMcClain:** _healthy relationships Matthew_

 

 **MattMeme:** _but I have dependency isssssuuuuuuuuueeeeeeesssss_

 

 **MemeMcClain:** _me too fam me too_

 

 **EenieMemie:** _y’all have issues you need to work out_

 

 **MattMeme:** _no shit that’s why im having a PaNIc AtTAck iN A BaThRoOM_

 

 **EenieMemie:** _fair enough I’ll be over here_

 

 **MemeMcClain:** _Matt on a scale of 1-10 how bad_

 

 **MattMeme:** _ehhhhh like a 6??? Its getting better now_

 

 **MemeMcClain:** _hold tight til Ally gets there and COMMUNICATE PLEASE_

 

 **MattMeme:** _yes mum_

 

 **MemeMcClain:** _this is what happens when I have to be the respobsible one disgusting_

 

 **MattMeme:** _jk I will thank you for the support and for sending Allura, you’re a life saver Lance_

 

 **MemeMcClain:** _well I know that, its how we met;)_

 

 **MattMeme:** _THROWBACK_

 

 **EenieMemie:** _lmao respobsible_

 

 **MemeMcClain:** _I didn’t ask for this abuse thank you very much_

 

 **EenieMemie:** _its your own fault for associating with me_

 

 **MemeMcClain:** _don’t act like you don’t like being friends with_ _me_

 

 **EenieMemie:** _it’s the actual worst_

 

 **EenieMemie:** _everytime you hug me I gag and whenever I see you smile I feel like punching you in the face_

 

 **MemeMcClain:** _maybe I should make friends with your girlfriend instead_

 

 **EenieMemie:** _Lance do not_

 

 **MattMeme:** _Lance do it_

 

 **MemeMcClain:** _yeet_

 

 

** {BlueSp00k <\----------> B33z3r} **

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _hello we haven’t formally met but im Lance, Pidge’s friend_

 

**B33z3r:** _oh hello, im Beezer but you can call me whatever_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _ok whatever its nice to meet you_

 

 **B33z3r:** _ha funny_

 

 **B33z3r:** _why the hell are you texting me_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _scary now I know why you two make such a cute couple_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _well I had to make sure you were good enough for my ittle pidgiekins_

 

 **B33z3r:** …

 

 **BlueSh00k:** _ok Pidge was being mean so I texted you to spite them_

 

 **B33z3r:** _ok then…_

 

**B33z3r:** _and youre still texting me because???_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _well I might as well get to know you_

 

**BlueSp00k:** _side note: not important at all but if you hurt Pidge in anyway, emotional or otherwise then the entire group will hunt you down_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _we have a guy who owns knives and we all know how to use them_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _so whats your favourite colour?:)_

 

 **B33z3r:** _green…_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _just like Pidge that’s adorable_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _now its your turn to ask a question_

 

 **B33z3r:** _alright…_

 

 

** {BeezKneez <\----------> PidgePie} **

 

 **BeezKneez:** _your friend Lance just messaged me_

 

 **PidgePie:** _THAT MOTHER FUCKER_

 

 **PidgePie:** _he didn’t say anything embarrassing did he?_

 

 **PidgePie:** _if he flirted he didn’t mean it that’s just how he avoids awkward interactions_

 

 **BeezKneez:** _no he_

 

 **PidgePie:** _he?_

 

 **BeezKneez:** _he just wanted to get to know me_

 

 **PidgePie:** _ok well you can tell him to leave you alone if you want_

 

 **PidgePie:** _even if you upset him he couldn’t hurt a fly so youre fine_

 

**BeezKneez:** _somehow I don’t believe that_

 

 **PidgePie:** _???_

 

 

** {PiddlePop <\----------> BlueSp00k} **

 

 **PiddlePop:** _did you threaten my girlfriend?_

 

**BlueSp00k:** _me? I would never_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _I just made her aware of the fact that our group has a knife collector who would gladly lend someone a knife_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _does that sound like a threat_

 

 **PiddlePop:** _YES_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _oh. then yes I threatened your girlfriend_

 

 **PiddlePop:** _unbelievable_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _is that a good unbelievable or a bad unbelievable_

 

 **PiddlePop:** _its an unbelievable unbelievable_

 

 **PiddlePop:** _you don’t need to go all older brother on Beezer you know that right_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _I know half he reason I did it was to annoy you_

 

 **PiddlePop:** _what was the other half_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _protectiveness_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _fret not though because shes actually pretty cool and we’re now best friends_

 

 **PiddlePop:** _what_

 

 

** {PidgePie <\----------> BeezKneez} **

 

 **PidgePie:** _please tell me hes lying when he said you two are friends_

 

 **BeezKneez:** _not just friends. We’re best friends_

 

 **BeezKneez:** _whats wrong I thought youd like your friends to get along with me;)_

 

 **PidgePie:** _you conniving little_

 

 

** {BlueSp00k <\----------> B33z3r} **

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _its official im adopting you into the group_

 

 **B33z3r:** _im honoured_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _you should be_

 

 **B33z3r:** _what does being in the group entail?_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _well you have the option to join the group chat, you come on waky adventures with us and if you need to hide a body we all help look for a trench_

 

 **B33z3r:** _sounds lit im in_

 

 **BlueSp00k:** _nice!_

 

 

** {Gluten Free Placenta} **

****

** {The tailor has added B33z3r to the chat} **

****

** {The tailor has changed B33z3r’s name to AnActualRobot} **

 

 **The tailor:** _hey sluts this is Pidge’s girlfriend Beezer shes one of us now_

 

 **Keefer:** _im so sorry_

 

 **The tailor:** _WHY BE SORRY_

 

 **AnActualRobot:** _ha youre as emo as Pidge said_

 

 **Keefer:** _im not emo_

 

 **Dad-senpai:** _Brendon Urie is a talentless loser and MCR should have ended earlier_

 

 **Keefer:** _YOU TAKE THAT BACK YOU BITCH ASS MOTHER FUCKER_

 

 **Dad-senpai:** _Keith Kogane everyone_

 

 **The tailor:** _ok but you didn’t need to bring Brendon into that you went too far_

 

 **Brianiac:** _careful Lance youre inner emo is rising_

 

 **The tailor:** _shut your fuck before I chuck it out of a twelve story window_

 

 **OHMYFUCK:** _entering this group chat without context is my favourite thing_

 

 **Ripper-of-Organs:** _Shiro would you kindly talk to me in private_

 

 **The tailor:** _shits going down_

 

 **Keefer:** _what_

 

 **The tailor:** _nothing you need to worry your sweet innocent little idiotic head about_

 

 **Keefer:** _you wanna go_

 

**The tailor:** _yeah lets go_

 

 **Keefer:** _im out the door_

 

 **The tailor:** _im outside my house_

 

 **Keefer:** _getting on my bike_

 

 **The tailor:** _good pick me up and ill pay for the food_

 

 **Keefer:** _be there in ten_

 

 **AnActualRobot:** _what the fuck was that_

 

 **Brianiac:** _hell_

 

 **Hunk-Man:** _they do this every week_

 

 **Hunk-Man:** _you get used to it after a while_

 

 **Brianiac:** _no you don’t_

 

 **AnActualRobot:** _im starting to regret my decision_

 

 **Brianiac:** _knew you would_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So a lot of shit went down in my life since my last update. I don't feel comfortable talking about it but it's a mess. I won't say what or how much is a mess but it is. So I don't know if I'm going to take a break or spit out fifty more chapters to cope but something's gonna happen. I just... I always hated when I felt numb, because I was empty but right now with the pain and fear that I'm feeling... I wish I couldn't feel anything at all. I don't want to worry you guys or unload everything onto you but yeah, I'm shit, my life is shit and there's nothing I can do to fix it. Kinda wish I could just die but that would just create more problems so whatever.


	42. Chapter Forty-Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a mess I'm sorry. It's short and it goes everywhere.

** {Gluten Free Placenta} **

 

 **The tailor:** _dad_

 

 **Dad-senpai:** _what_

 

 **The tailor:** _tell Pidge she needs to take a break from her geek shit_

 

 **Brianiac:** _its not geek shit!_

 

 **Brianiac:** _im building a kitchen robot to dothe cooking for me_

 

 **The tailor:** _so Hunk isn’t good enough?_

 

 **Hunk-Man:** _D:_

 

 **Brianiac:** _is Hunk in my house 24/7 ready to make me food?_

 

 **Hunk-Man:** _are you asking me to be?_

 

 **Dad-senpai:** _Pidge take a break from your geek shit_

 

 **Brianiac:** _Mattttttttttt tell Shiro and Lance to stop bothering meeeee_

 

 **OHMYFUCK:** _Takashi Shirogane Lance (whaever Lance’s full name is) you leave Pidge alone to her geek shit_

 

 **Brianiac:** _don’t call it geek shit you geek shit_

 

 **Ripper-of-Organs:** _Lancito Elias Alonzo Raphael Martinez-McClain_

 

**AnActualRobot:** _jesus fucking christ that’s a long name_

 

 **OHMYFUCK:** _longer than Shiro’s dick_

 

 **Brianiac:** _ew ok I didn’t need to know that_

 

 **The tailor:** _thanks Matt now my name will forever scar me_

 

 **OHMYFUCK:** (☞ﾟ∀ﾟ)☞

 

 **Keefer:** _that’s um_

 

**The tailor:** _???_

 

 **Keefer:** _good name_

 

 **Keefer:** _it suits you_

 

 **The tailor:** _oh_

 

 **The tailor:** _thanks_

 

 

** {FuckYou <\----------> Takashit} **

 

 **FuckYou:** _holy shit Shiro his name is Lancito_

 

 **Takashit:** _yes we were just told that_

 

 **FuckYou:** _thsata o fukcing cute_

 

 **Takashit:** _is it? It’s a name_

 

 **FuckYou:** _do you think his name is too long to add Kogane to the end of it?_

 

 **Takashit:** _wow you are Gone_

 

 **FuckYou:** _I KNOW_

 

 **FuckYou:** _god im almost desperate enough to tell him_

 

 **Takashit:** _so do it????_

 

 **FuckYou:** _ha funny_

 

 **FuckYou:** _Shiro he just got out of a bad relationship im not going to do that to him_

 

 **Takashit:** _ok but consider_

 

 **Takashit:** _youre overthinking it and he likes you too but is too scared after said relationship_

 

 **Takashit:** _youre gonna have to confess sometime_

 

 **FuckYou:** _ill make a deal when im on my deathbed I will tell him_

 

 **Takashit:** _Keith_

 

 **FuckYou:** _its NOT happening_

 

 **Takashit:** _you will be pining forever_

 

 **FuckYou:** _so be it_

 

 

** {Gluten Free Placenta} **

 

 **AnActualRobot:** _anyway Pidge take a break from your geek shit_

 

 **Brianiac:** _it is robotics!!!_

 

 **AnActualRobot:** _did I ask_

 

 **Brianiac:** _fucking rude ass bitches trying to squash my creativity_

 

 **AnActualRobot:** _did you just call me_

 

 **AnActualRobot:** _your girlfriend_

 

 **AnActualRobot:** _a rude ass bitch?_

 

 **The tailor:** _tred wisely Pidgerino_

 

 **Brianiac:** _its tread you dumbo_

 

 **The tailor:** _dumbo was a magnificent elephant and I would be lucky to be him so therefore that’s not insulting ;p_

 

**Hunk-Man:** _yo Dumbo was my favourit e as a kid_

 

 **Hunk-Man:** _haven’t watched it in agesssss wow_

 

 **The tailor:** _parents aren’t home come over lets watch it_

 

 **Hunk-Man:** _sleep over?_

 

 **The tailor:** _you bring snacks ill set up the lounge room_

 

 **The tailor:** _Keith you wanna come?_

 

 **AnActualRobot:** _babe they forgot you_

 

 **Brianiac:** _> :(_

 

 **Brianiac:** _not even invited_

 

 **The tailor:** _this is bro time_

 

 **The tailor:** _also youre mean and scary_

 

 **Keefer:** _can we watch brother bear?_

 

 **The tailor:** _sure one or two?_

 

 **Keefer:** _both ill bring them_

 

 **The tailor:** _OHOHOH I WANNA WATCH ICE AGE AS WELL_

 

 **Hunk-Man:** _Lance I swear to god if you start saying the movie word for word_

 

 **Keefer:** _what_

 

 **Hunk-Man:** _Lance knows the entire ice age movie script_

 

 **Hunk-Man:** _hes watched it that many times_

 

**Keefer:** _Lance why_

 

 **The tailor:** _listen ice age was incredibly educational_

 

 **Hunk-Man:** _no you just had a crush on Diego_

 

 **Keefer:** _you didn’t!_

 

 **The tailor:** _LIES_

 

 **Hunk-Man:** _you used to sleep with a plushie of him and everything_

 

 **The tailor:** _Hunk just reminding you that this is the group chat which Pidge is in_

 

 **Brianiac:** _youre not denying sleeping with a Diego plushie_

 

**The tailor:** _what can I say? I have a thing for bad boys_

 

 

** {FuckYou <\----------> Takashit} **

 

 **FuckYou:** _SHIRO WOULD YOU CLASSIFY ME AS A BAD BOY_

 

 **Takashit:** _hm lets see with the mullet, the fingerless gloves, the motorbike obsession and the fuck everything attitude… yeah_

 

 **FuckYou:** _MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM_

 

 **Takashit:** _Keith honestly just tell him this is painful_

 

 **FuckYou:** _IVE GOT THIS THISISFINE_

 

 

** {Gluten Free Placenta} **

 

 **Keefer:** _you know what else I haven’t seen for years_

 

 **Keefer:** _the little mermaid_

 

 **Hunk-Man:** _oh boy here we_ _go_

 

 **The tailor:** _KEITH I COULD KISS YOU YES_

 

 **Keefer:** _oh_

 

 **Keefer:** _cool_

 

 **Hunk-Man:** _Lance really likes mermaids_

 

 **Keefer:** _cool cool_

 

 **The tailor:** _WHEN ARE YALL GETTING HERE I AM READY FOR THIS_

 

 **Hunk-Man:** _Keith do you want me to pick you up?_

 

 **Keefer:** _cool_

 

 **Dad-senpai:** _yes Hunk that would be appreciated_

 

 **Hunk-Man:** _neat ill be there in fifteen_

 

 **The tailor:** _nice! Doors unlocked see you guys soon_

 

 **Keefer:** _cool_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In which I am Lance. Catch me rewatching ice age for the 98753245458 time.
> 
> I've been putting off cleaning my room for months and it's gotten out of hand. Ughhhhhhhh I need to clean it help. On a better note my Mum's taking me to the art gallery on friday and then the bookstore. In case you guys aren't aware yet, I really love books plus this store has a big manga section. In case you guys aren't aware yet, I love anime.
> 
> This is probably a no but if any of you want to ask me questions I'll do a kind of q&a thingy. It can be about anything, even the most random of stuff and I will answer to the best of my ability.


	43. Chapter Forty-Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Klance + Peezer/Bidge??? whats the ship name

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guys I have hit a low. I am so fucking borrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrred. Any of you want to chat??????

** {Lancey <\----------> Keithy} **

 

 **Lancey:** _and so I told her “that outfit does not match those shoes” but she just got annoyed and hit me in the face with her bag_

 

 **Keithy:** _fascinating_

 

 **Lancey:** _I thought youd love that story what with me getting smacked and all_

 

 **Keithy:** _Lance its 7 in the morning and ive been up all night reading your stories about all the people who have ever wronged you_

 

 **Lancey:** _you didn’t have to read my texts you could have ignored me_

 

 **Keithy:** _no I couldn’t_

 

 **Lancey:** _no youre right you couldn’t_

 

 **Lancey:** _I am unignorable_

 

 **Keithy:** _sadly so_

 

 **Lancey:** _you secretly love me don’t lie_

 

 **Keithy:** _I don’t love anyone_

 

 **Keithy:** _I have no feelings_

 

 **Lancey:** _what about that person youre pining over_

 

 **Keithy:** _what_

 

 **Lancey:** _the guyyyyyy you never told me who he is_

 

 **Lancey:** _do you still like him? Do you know if he likes you back yet? I need answers Keef_

 

 **Keithy:** _Lance that was like months_ _ago_

 

 **Lancey:** _hence why im asking if you still like him_

 

 **Lancey:** _so do you???_

 

 **Keithy:** _…_

 

 **Lancey:** _you can trust me. You help me when I come to you with my problems I want to help you too_

 

 **Lancey:** _you don’t even have to tell me who he is_

 

 **Lancey:** _pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeee_

 

 **Keithy:** _ok ok_

 

 **Lancey:** _soooooo?_

 

 **Keithy:** _yes I still like him_

 

 **Keithy:** _well like isn’t really the word anymore_

 

 **Keithy:** _I love him_

 

 **Lancey:** _KEEEIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITHHHHH~_

 

 **Lancey:** _that’s so cute!!!!!!!!_

 

 **Keithy:** _its not cute it sucks_

 

 **Lancey:** _why does it suck? Love is a good thing_

 

 **Keithy:** _not with him_

 

 **Lancey:** _why not_

 

 **Keithy:** _hes going through a lot of things right now and if I told him it would 100% make it worse_

 

 **Lancey:** _or he could like you back and being with you would make him happier_

 

 **Lancey:** _do you know how he feels?_

 

 **Keithy:** _he doesn’t like me_

 

 **Lancey:** _did he tell you that?_

 

 **Keithy:** _no_

 

 **Lancey:** _then don’t just assume that’s how he feels_

 

 **Lancey:** _Keith you are amazingly kind and hot and even though you have a super ugly mullet your hair is insanely soft_

 

 **Lancey:** _you are top quality boyfriend material_

 

 **Lancey:** _so if you still don’t want to confess to this guy that’s fine but he would be an idiot not to take you_

 

 **Keithy:** _do you_

 

 **Keithy:** _do you really mean all that_

 

 **Lancey:** _yes I do your mullet truly is the ugliest thing on this planet_

 

 **Keithy:** _ugh what is it with you and my mullet_

 

 **Lancey:** _it’s a crime to humanity Keith_

 

 **Keithy:** _youre a crime to humanity_

 

 **Lancey:** _no u_

 

 **Keithy:** 凸( •̀_•́ )凸

 

 **Lancey:** _im so proud you use emoticons instinctively now_

 

 **Lancey:** _I trained you well_

 

 **Keithy:** _I am not a dog Lance_

 

 **Lancey:** _no you are a strong independent man who don’t need to be afraid of confessing to some guy_

 

 **Keithy:** _but hes not some guy hes THE guy_

 

 **Keithy:** _ill never love anyone like I love him Lance hes perfect_

 

 **Lancey:** _no ones perfect but that’s not the point_

 

 **Lancey:** _you obviously really care about him so stop being such a selfless person and take what you want_

 

 **Keithy:** _but what if its too soon for him after whats happened_

 

 **Lancey:** _what happened_

 

 **Keithy:** _I cant say… if I do youll know who it is_

 

 **Lancey:** _okie that’s fine im gonna guess break up?_

 

**Keithy:** _something like that_

 

 **Lancey:** _well then why not just ask him about how hes been since that then ask if he sees himself dating again anytime soon_

 

 **Lancey:** _and then youll know if its too soon_

 

 **Keithy:** _that’s…a good idea_

 

 **Lancey:** _duh I am the romance guru I have the know-how_

 

 **Keithy:** _whatever can we stop talking about this now_

 

 **Lancey:** _sure fam_

 

 **Keith:** _how are you doing with the whole Alex thing?_

 

 **Lancey:** _meh_

 

 **Lancey:** _hes tried texting me a few times but Ive been ignoring him so_

 

 **Lancey:** _I kinda just wanna move on but then something will happen and suddenly hes all I can think about_

 

 **Keithy:** _do you still have feelings for him?_

 

 **Lancey:** _well_

 

**Lancey:** _I mean yeah… feelings don’t just go away it takes a while but I don’t think I can forgive him so whatever feelings I do have are just there_

 

 **Keithy:** _that makes sense_

 

 **Keithy:** _god ive been wanting to punch him so bad_

 

 **Lancey:** _lmao you and me both_

 

 **Keithy:** _you don’t deserve what he did to you Lance_

 

 **Keithy:** _anyone whos dating you should treat you like fucking royalty_

 

 **Lancey:** _stop im blushing_

 

 **Keithy:** _im serious_

 

 **Keithy:** _if you start dating anyone else im going to need to have a chat to see what their intentions are_

 

 **Lancey:** _Keith I appreciate it but I don’t think ill be dating anytime soon_

 

 **Keithy:** _oh_

 

 **Keithy:** _I mean fair enough_

 

 **Lancey:** _oh no no not for what you think_

 

 **Lancey:** _I mean yeah dating so soon after what happened would look sus but that’s not why_

 

 **Lancey:** _ive never cared what other people think of my relationships they have nothing to do with it_

 

 **Lancey:** _its more because id rather be with the people I trust instead of doing the whole getting to know someone where they could end up just not shwing their true colours_

 

 **Lancey:** _sorry this doesn’t make sense_

 

 **Lancey:** _basically I want to spend more time with you guys_

 

 **Lancey:** _Keith?_

 

 **Keithy:** _sorry I wasn’t sure how to respond so I didn’t and it got more awkward_

 

 **Keithy:** _I get you is what im trying to say I guess_

 

 **Keithy:** _you don’t need to explain but I get what you mean_

 

 **Lancey:** _cool_

 

 **Keithy:** _cool_

 

 **Lancey:** _this is awkward_

 

 **Keithy:** _yeah sorry_

 

 **Lancey:** _no biggie stuff gets awkward all the time_

 

 **Lancey:** _simple solution is topic change_

 

 **Lancey:** _HOW ABOUT DISCOURSE_

 

 **Keithy:** _ughhhhhhhhh youre as bad as Pidge_

 

 **Lancey:** _please no one is as bad as Pidge_

 

 **Keithy:** _true_

 

 **Lancey:** _Loki’s redemption arc_

 

 **Keithy:** _that’s a dangerous topic my friend_

 

 **Lancey:** _youre right_

 

 **Lancey:** _its perfect for the group chat_

 

 **Keithy:** _oh boy_

 

 

** {Gluten Free Placenta} **

 

 **The tailor:** _Loki’s redemption arc. Yes or no?_

 

 **Brianiac:** _are you asking for a murder?_

 

 **The tailor:** _perhaps_

 

 **AnActualRobot:** _I might die for this but I dont really like Loki_

 

 **The tailor:** _oh_

 

 **Brianiac:** _oh_

 

 **Keefer:** _oh_

 

 **Dad-senpai:** _why are we up at 8 in the morning_

 

**Dad-senpai:** _oh_

 

 **Dad-senpai:** _don’t worry Beezer I don’t either_

                          

 **Keefer:** _WHAT_

 

 **Dad-senpai:** _they make him seem to change then he betrays them again its boring_

 

 **Dad-senpai:** _plus hes going to die in infinity war_

 

 **The tailor:** _I THINK THE FUCK NOT_

 

 **The tailor:** _THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A FUN LITTLE HAHA LOKI IS SUCH A GOOF I WAS NOT EXPECTING DEATH THREATS_

 

 **Dad-senpai:** _it wasn’t a threat?_

 

 **Dad-senpai:** _Lance do you really see Loki’s character in anymore movies?_

 

 **The tailor:** _YES_

 

 **Brianiac:** _Shiro does have a point_

 

 **The tailor:** _PIDGE_

 

 **Brianiac:** _look I love him don’t get me wrong but this is the big battle. Lots of characters are gonna die_

 

 **Brianiac:** _my moneys on hawkeye getting killed off first_

 

 **Keefer:** _well no shit hes not in any of the posters or anything_

 

 **Keefer:** _plus he keeps getting sent away then coming back its annoying_

 

 **The tailor:** _youre all heartless D:_

 

 **Brianiac:** _Lance this is a war there are going to be casualties_

 

 **The tailor:** _that doesn’t mean you have to start picking off the ones to die_

 

 **Keefer:** _honestly I don’t care who dies as long as they leave Stephen, Peter, Loki and Tony alone_

 

 **Brianiac:** _yeahhhhhhh Tony’s gonna die_

 

 **Keefer:** _FUCK YOU HE ISNT_

 

 **Keefer:** _TELL HER LANCE_

 

 **The tailor:** _well…_

 

 **Keefer:** _LANCE_

 

 **The tailor:** _ok hear me out I don’t WANT him to die but_

 

 **Keefer:** _HE DOESN’T DESERVE THIS_

 

 **The tailor:** _HES HAD A GOOD RUN BUT ITS KIND OF INEVITABLE_

 

 **The tailor:** _ITS EITHER HIM OR CAP TBH_

 

 **Keefer:** _WELL THEN KILL OFF CAP_

 

 **The tailor:** _WHAT FUCK YOU NO_

 

 **Keefer:** _HES BORING AND OLD_

 

 **The tailor:** _HE IS A WONDERFUL BOY AND HE BRIGHTENS THE LIVES OF THE AVENGERS_

 

 **Keefer:** _I THOUGHT YOU LIKED BAD BOYS NOT GOODY TWO SHOES_

 

 **The tailor:** _I LIKE BOYS WHO WILL FUCK SHIT UP FOR WHAT THEY LOVE_

 

 **The tailor:** _EXAMPLE: CAP BREAKING THE LAW AND STARTING A HUGE THROWDOWN TO SAVE HIS BESTFRIEND/BOYFRIEND_

 

 **Keefer:** _HE DITCHED ALL OF HIS FRIENDS TO SAVE A GUY HE KNEW OVER A 100 YEARS AGO_

 

 **The tailor:** _HIS FRIENDS DITCHED HIM FOR THE LAW_

 

 **Keefer:** _IT WAS THE RIGHT THING TO DO_

 

 **The tailor:** _THEN MAYBE ILL DITCH YOU FOR THE LAW_

 

 **Keefer:** _DO IT THEN YOU COWARD_

 

 

** {BeezKneez <\----------> PidgePie} **

 

 **BeezKneez:** _are they dating orrrrr_

 

**PidgePie:** _Keith has been pining over Lance for like 4 years now but Lance just had a tough break up_

 

 **BeezKneez:** _ah_

 

 **PidgePie:** _yeah it’s painful_

 

 **BeezKneez:** _does Lance like Keith back?_

 

 **PidgePie:** _well he’d deny it if asked but I’m 90% sure he does_

 

 **BeezKneez:** _hey hey babe_

 

 **PidgePie:** _tis I your bae_

 

 **BeezKneez:** _lets meddle_

 

 **PidgePie:** _Beezer I cannot describe the adoration I feel for you right now_

 

 **BeezKneez:** _talk more about it over coffee?_

 

 **PidgePie:** _I’ll meet you at the usual place_

 

 **BeezKneez:** _it’s a date <3_

 

 

** {Gluten Free Placenta} **

 

 **The tailor:** _THAT’S NOT THE POINT KEITH CAP WAS DEFENDING THE TEAM_

 

 **Keefer:** _NO HE WAS DEFENDING HIMSELF TONY WAS THE ONE DOING WHAT WAS BEST FOR THE TEAM_

 

 **Brianiac:** _as entertaining as it is watching you two argue can y’all shut your fucks_

 

 **The tailor:** _shut your fucks is my new motto_

 

 **Keefer:** _really? Coz mines fuck Lance_

 

 **The tailor:** _take me to dinner first_

 

 **Keefer:** _I CANT WIN WITH YOU_

 

 **The tailor:** _nup_

 

 **Brianiac:** _shhhhhhhhhhh_

 

 **Brianiac:** _why don’t you two go eat some pizza together or whatever to diffuse the tension_

 

 **Brianiac:** _point is take it out of the gc_

 

**The tailor:** _rude_

 

 **The tailor:** _Keith im coming over to beat you at mario cart_

 

 **Keefer:** _doors unlocked bring coffee_

 

 **The tailor:** _bossy_

 

 **The tailor:** _omw_

 

 **Brianiac:** _its just sad at this point_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoop! I got two questions so hey fam here are your answers.
> 
> What's your favourite anime?
> 
> Tough question, I can never make up my mind because whenever I watch one it takes top spot but... I'll have to say Toradora. It's just so cute.
> 
> Do you know The Mortal Instruments books?
> 
> Yes I do, a couple of my friends are into them (pretty sure my gf is too). I've never read them myself but they seem interesting enough.
> 
> So thanks Fujoshi-Chan and Moe for your questions!


	44. Chapter Forty-Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> pad facts and baby pigeons.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's extra short this time I'm sorryyyyyy I was tired and needed to post something.

** {Gluten Free Placenta} **

 

 **Ripper-of-Organs:** _fun fact: cuddling releases oxytocin, a chemical which helps speed healing and recovery from physical wounds_

 

**The tailor:** _nice_

 

 **Dad-senpai:** _what about mental wounds_

 

 **OHMYFUCK:** _who HuRT yOU?!_

 

 **Dad-senpai:** _the economy_

 

 **Hunk-Man:** _that’s too real_

 

 **Ripper-of-Organs:** _fun fact: ostriches eat pebbles_

 

 **Brianiac:** _ostriches are my one true fear_

 

 **Brianiac:** _not including the robot apocalypse_

 

 **Ripper-of-Organs:** _fun fact: pigs get sunburned_

 

 **Hunk-Man:** _naw poor babies_

 

 **Ripper-of-Organs:** _fun fact: snails have teeth_

 

 **OHMYFUCK:** _kinky_

 

 **Dad-senpai:** _Matt why_

 

 **Ripper-of-Organs:** _fun fact: perspiration is odourless. Bacteria on the skin creates the odour_

 

 **The tailor:** _Matt Shiro one of you get your girlfriend some more pads_

 

 **OHMYFUCK:** _how do you know she needs pads???_

 

 **The tailor:** _shes spouting off fun facts she got from her pad wrappers. She does that when shes run out_

 

 **Dad-senpai:** _and you know that how?_

 

 **The tailor:** _raised together remember? Shes practically my cousin_

 

 **Dad-senpai:** _right_

 

 **Ripper-of-Organs:** _I love you both but Lance will forever be my number one_

 

 **The tailor:** _I got you boo_

 

 **Ripper-of-Organs:** _< 333333333333_

 

 **The tailor:** _< 3333333333_ (~￣³￣)~

 

\-----------------------------------------------

 

 

** {Gluten Free Placenta} **

 

**The tailor:** _yo_

 

 **The tailor:** _don’t you think its weird how weve never seen a baby pigeon_

 

 **Hunk-Man:** _dude I never thought of that_

 

 **The tailor:** _brb gonna search them up_

 

 **Hunk-Man:** _I cant believe weve all been deprived of cute baby birdies and we never even thought about it_

 

 **The tailor:** _NEVER FUCKING MIND_

 

 **The tailor:** _THERES A REASON WE NEVER SEE THEM_

 

 **The tailor:** _LOOK AT THESE UGLY FUCKS_

 

 **The tailor:** **{[(1) image sent](https://i.pinimg.com/originals/95/74/58/9574582ed57ccc8dff14421d8de50092.jpg)}**

 

 **Hunk-Man:** _OH MY GOD_

 

 **The tailor:** _YEAH UM NO THANKS BYE_

 

**The tailor:** _my eyes are ruined I need to lie down and cry for a bit_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi yeah baby pigeons scare me and I regret ever searching them. If any of you want to chat my tumblr is kittychanxp I want friends pls and thnk.


	45. Chapter Forty-Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another super short one.

{Young ‘N’ Rotten}

Sharkie: one day im gonna look back on this class and realise it did absolutely nothing

Sharkie: theres no point in doing this

Goblin: whatcha got?

Sharkie: plp

Goblin: ew im sorry

Sharkie: half tempted to not do any of this and just leave

Hunkules: if you don’t pass you fail the entire thing tho :/ you gotta bro

Sharkie: but I don’t wannaaaaaaa

Gaylien: the teacher will be pissed if you don’t do your work

Sharkie: the teachers always pissed with me

Sharkie: she don’t like me

Hunkules: only because you never did your work in her class last year either

Sharkie: new year new me she shouldn’t hold grudges

Gaylien: its only a presentation just do the bare minimum

Sharkie: or

Goblin: Lance do your work

Sharkie: fine >:(

Hunkules: is it really that bad???

Sharkie: I just hate this subject

Sharkie: like why give us a subject on our futures when we don’t need it and then tell us if we don’t do well in it that we’re going to fail the year

Sharkie: its stupid

Gaylien: you have a point but its worth like 10 credits

Sharkie: fuck the credits ill get into college with my skills alone

Hunkules: that sounds remarkable my dude but I have to point out the flaw with that plan

Sharkie: I know I know I cant expect to find work and experience with no reliable qualifications blah blah blah

Hunkules: aren’t we a little young to be thinking about our futures anyway? I mean 16 isnt when my mums decided they were gonna be lesbians, get married and adopt an adorable Samoan child

Goblin: well 14 isnt when my parents were thinking about settling down and raising two scientific geniuses

Gaylien: 16 isnt when my mum decided shed have a baby with a Texan man then run off and leave him to raise the child alone only for him to die a few years later and force that child to endure the struggles of the foster system

Sharkie: yeahhhhhhh im not gonna add anything after that hot mess

Hunkules: Keith are you…. Like ok

Gaylien: course I am why wouldn’t I be

Goblin: no wonder you have depression

Gaylien: ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

Sharkie: shall we change the subject

Gaylien: yes please

Sharkie: so what the fucks up with the drama teacher whered she suddenly disappear to?

 

{Lancey <\----------> Keithy}

Lancey: you good?

Keithy: just realizing that my entire life is a fucking mess and ive never actually met my mum

Keithy: so yeah im fine

Lancey: are you out of class?

Keithy: got a bathroom pass gonna sit there and cry for a bit

Lancey: which bathroom

Keithy: the one by the art block why

Lancey: meet you there

Keithy: Lance no don’t leave class for me

Lancey: too late im already on my way

Lancey: bet ill beat you there

Keithy: youre horrible

Keithy: thanks

Lancey: :P

\---------------------------------------

{Gluten Free Placenta}

Dad-senpai: hey kids how was school

Ripper-of-Organs: and you wonder why they call your dad

Hunk-Man: it was fine Shiro thanks for asking :)

The tailor: it was horrible I never want to see that place again id rather die

Dad-senpai: ok?

Brianiac: don’t mind him hes just being a baby because he had plp

OHMYFUCK: ha sucks to suck my dude

The tailor: plp is going to be the reason for like half of my mental breakdowns this year I hate it

The tailor: but never mind that how was your day Shiro?

Dad-senpai: as good as working at kfc can be

OHMYFUCK: lmao I should drop by when youre on shift

Ripper-of-Organs: we can make it a date ;)

Dad-senpai: please don’t

 

{Takashit <\----------> FuckYou}

Takashit: you okay? You haven’t said anything in the gc

FuckYou: breakdowns in bathrooms and childhood trauma no big deal

Takashit: ummmmm Actually!

FuckYou: its fine Lance helped me out and calmed me down or whatever

FuckYou: I just thought too much about my parents

Takashit: youre sure?

FuckYou: positive

Takashit: if you say so

Takashit: I brought home kfc for dinner so grab it when you want

FuckYou: youre too lazy to even get real food wow

Takashit: no I just like to promote my business

FuckYou: its not your business though???

Takashit: just a matter of time Keith

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do any of you guys like Grant Gustin? He's just such a bean oh my lord.


	46. Chapter Forty-Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> （・ｗ・）it's happeninnngngg

** {Lancey <\----------> Keithy} **

 

 **Lancey:** _morningg my dude how are you today?_

 

 **Keithy:** _better_

 

 **Keithy:** _the thought just popped into my head yesterday that ive never met my mum and that was a lot I guess_

 

 **Lancey:** _fair enough you don’t need to explain anything_

 

 **Lancey:** _but hey guess where I am_

 

 **Keithy:** _oh god_

 

 **Lancey:** _open your windowwwwwww_

 

 **Keithy:** _no_

                                                                    

 **Lancey:** _D^:_

 

 **Lancey:** _what if I tell you I have a gift_

 

 **Keithy:** _whats the gift_

                                                                    

 **Lancey:** _it’s a surprise_

 

 **Keithy:** _mm I don’t trust_ _it_

 

 **Lancey:** _too bad im breaking in through the back door_

 

 **Keithy:** _I thought that was locked_

 

 **Lancey:** _it was_

 

 **Lancey:** _its not anymore_

 

 **Keithy:** _what did you do_

 

**Lancey:** _nothing_

 

 **Lancey:** _absolutely nothing_

 

 **Lancey:** _now are you going to greet me or am I going to need to break into your room as well_

 

 **Keithy:** _you are insufferable_

 

**Lancey:** _and yet you still choose to hang out with me_

 

 **Lancey:** _guess that means im special ;)_

 

 **Keithy:** _maybe you are_

 

 **Lancey:** _haha_

 

 **Lancey:** _anyway im in your kitchen so ill be stealing all your food_

 

 **Keithy:** _Lance do not!_

 

 

** {Gluten Free Placenta} **

 

 **Keefer:** _Lance is the best person in existence and all of you are now removed from my friends list to make room for him_

 

 **OHMYFUCK:** _did Lance write that?_

 

 **The tailor:** _surprisingly no hes actually being nice to me_

 

 **Keefer:** _fuck you im nice all the time_

 

 **The tailor:** _debatable_

 

 **Brianiac:** _so why is he your favourite now?_

 

 **Keefer:** _he broke into my house to watch Annie with me_

 

 **Dad-senpai:** _wait what when did he geet here?_

 

 **The tailor:** _I did the sneak_

 

 **The tailor:** _ima fuckin ninjaaaaaaa_

 

 **Brianiac:** _lmao geet_

 

 **Hunk-Man:** _geet outta ‘ere!_

 

 **OHMYFUCK:** _god Shiro youre such a geet_

 

 **AnActualRobot:** _geese?_

 

 **The tailor:** _lmao Hunk remember our primary school graduation night_

 

 **Hunk-Man:** _man what a throw back_

 

 **Keefer:** _what happened?_

 

 **Hunk-Man:** _two of Lance’s older cousins who were….. how old at the time??_

 

 **The tailor:** _yikes_

 

 **The tailor:** _lets see Tomas would have been around 22? And Martin had like just turned 30_

 

 **Hunk-Man:** _anyway yeah so these are two grown men right_

 

 **Hunk-Man:** _its after the whole graduation part so everyones just kinda chilling outside_

 

 **Hunk-Man:** _Tomas and Martin run up to us sweaty and panting and just_

 

 **Hunk-Man:** _“sorry we were chasing geese”_

 

 **Hunk-Man:** _GROWN ASS MEN_

 

 **OHMYFUCK:** _Hunk watch your mouth young lad_

 

 **The tailor:** _literally the perfect description of my family_

 

 **Keefer:** _Lance I see where you get it from now_

 

 **Hunk-Man:** _that’s what I said at the time too_

 

 **The tailor:** (☞ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)☞

 

 **The tailor:** _it’s the McClain Charm™_

 

 **Dad-senpai:** _ok but can we go back to Lance managing to sneak into my house?_

 

 **Dad-senpai:** _when the fuck_

 

 **The tailor:** _early this morning dw about it_

 

 **Dad-senpai:** _?!?!?!_

 

 

** {Takashit<\---------->FuckYou} **

 

 **Takashit:** _did you give Lance a house key?_

 

 **Takashit:** _how did he get in????_

 

 **FuckYou:** _ok don’t be mad_

 

 **FuckYou:** _but he broke the lock on the back door_

 

 **Takashit:** …

 

 **FuckYou:** _WHICH ISNT A BIG DEAL ANYWAY THO COZ YOU WERE SAYING YOU WANTED TO GET A NEW ONE ANYWAY RIGHT_

 

 **Takashit:** _Keith I hate your boyfriend_

 

 **FuckYou:** _hes not my boyfriend_

 

 **FuckYou:** _yet_

 

 **Takashit:** _wait!_

 

 **FuckYou:** _ok so its not a guarantee but I was thinking about it and like_

 

 **FuckYou:** _I MIGHT????_

 

 **FuckYou:** _CONFESS TO HIM OR SOMETHING???_

 

 **FuckYou:** _idk yet but yeah that’s the plan_

 

 **Takashit:** _KEITH_

 

 **Takashit:** _ITS ONLY TAKEN YOU FOUR YEARS_

 

 **Takashit:** _MY BOYYYYY_

 

 **Takashit:** _MY BROOOO_

 

 **FuckYou:** _ok stop your embarrassing yourself_

 

 **Takashit:** _does this have anything to do with him breaking into our house early in the morning with an orphan musical to cheer you up?_

 

 **FuckYou:** _shhhhhhh_

 

 **FuckYou:** _maybe but shhhhh_

 

 **Takashit:** _that’s so adorable im not even mad anymore_

 

 **FuckYou:** _he was just so soft?? and pure?? and I love him so much??_

 

 **FuckYou:** _and I just know that I wont be able to hold it in for much longer so_

 

 **FuckYou:** _better to do this right then like_

 

 **FuckYou:** _scream it at him on a bus or something_

 

 **Takashit:** _the pride I feel in this moment_

 

**FuckYou:** _THAT’S ANOTHER THING TOO_

 

 **FuckYou:** _hed probably really like it if he got asked out during pride month so that’s probably when ill do it_

 

 **Takashit:** _are you scared_

 

 **FuckYou:** _shitless_

 

 **FuckYou:** _but im even more scared that ill lose him to someone else again_

 

 **FuckYou:** _especially if they end up being like Alex_

 

 **Takashit:** _:3c_

 

 **FuckYou:** _youre cancelled_

 

 **Takashit:** _finally_

 

 **FuckYou:** _nO_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so the graduation story? That actually happened. My friend's two older brothers were chasing geese and I just turned to her and said "so this is where you get it from". Ah, good times.
> 
> KEITH IS PLANNING TO CONFESS TO LAAANCE! ITS HAPPENING GUYS! I wasn't planning for that to come out in this chap but ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ what can ya do?
> 
> Now the bad news: my laptop is being weird? The mouse keeps glitching out and stuff and not clicking and a bunch of other things. It's fixed itself for now but I might have to take it down to IT next week. Which mean, depending on what they do, I might lose everything on here. I've been backing up what I can but it's giving me intense anxiety and I probably won't be able to update for a while if this happens. Just thought I'd let you guys know just in case!


	47. Chapter Forty-Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ;)))))) there's innuendos and stuff but its Lance when isnt there?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAVE A SUPER GAY CHAPTER BECAUSE I HAVE NO SELF-CONTROL!

** {Takashit <\----------> FuckYou} **

 

 **Takashit:** _so when you said you were planning to tell him, did you mean before or after the year is over?_

 

 **FuckYou:** _ok first of all its been five days shut your fuck_

 

 **FuckYou:** _second of all I keep going to but then I get interrupted_

 

 **FuckYou:** _I almost told him today but then Hunk set something on fire in the kitchen_

 

 **FuckYou:** _SINCE WHEN DOES HUNK SET SOMETHING ON FIRE_

 

 **FuckYou:** _IN THE KITCHEN_

 

 **FuckYou:** _the universe is out to get me_

 

 **Takashit:** _or maybe its telling you to man up and just confess_

 

 **FuckYou:** _iM TrYiNg tO_

 

 

** {Gluten Free Placenta} **

 

 **Sunshine:** _did anyone miss me?_

 

 **The tailor:** _SHAYYYYYYY_

 

 **Ripper-of-Organs:** _MY DAUGHTER_

 

 **Brianiac:** _sup Shay_

 

 **Sunshine:** _hi everyone ^.^_

 

 **The tailor:** _you haven’t been active in this chat for literal months where did you go?!_

 

 **Sunshine:** _well at first it was because I had to get my phone repaired but then I got super swamped with my extracurricular activities so I just didn’t have the time_

 

 **Sunshine:** _sorry :)_

 

 **Hunk-Man:** _my love its been hell without you_

 

 **Sunshine:** _aw I missed texting you gross things too Hunky_

 

 **Keefer:** _hey Shay_

 

 **Sunshine:** _hi Keith hows it going_

 

 **Keefer:** _making plans for world domination the usual_

 

 **Sunshine:** _without me?_

 

 **The tailor:** _Hunk your girlfriend’s scary_

 

 **Hunk-Man:** _yeah isn’t it adorable???_

 

 **AnActualRobot:** _I don’t believe weve met im Beezer_

 

 **Sunshine:** _ive heard a lot about you;)_

 **AnActualRobot:** _oh?;)_

 

 **Brianiac:** _y’all can both STOP_

 

 **AnActualRobot:** _stop what? We’re not doing anything ;)_

 

 **Sunshine:** _yeah whatre we doing? ;)_

 

 **The tailor:** _lmao Pidge its probably easier to just back away slowly_

 

 **The tailor:** _they can smell fear_

 

 **Brianiac:** _go suck a dick Lance_

 

 **The tailor:** _I wOuLd iF I CoUlD pIDge_

 

 **Dad-senpai:** _language_

 

 **Brianiac:** _Shiro we’ve been over this, we all speak English_

 

 **The tailor:** _no hablo inglis_

 

 **Keefer:** 영어는 뭐죠?

 

 **Brianiac:** _youre both so extra_

 

 **The tailor:** ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 

 **Keefer:** _I blame Lance. I was never this bad before we became friends_

 

 **The tailor:** _The Lance Effect™_

 

 **Dad-senpai:** _Keith do I need to ban you from seeing Lance?_

 

 **Keefer:** _please do_

 

 **The tailor:** _hey rude :( y u no luv me_

 

 **Keefer:** _when you stop abusing my eyes with that texting ill reconsider our friendship_

 

 **The tailor:** _Huuuuuuuuuunk Keiths being mean again!_

 

**Hunk-Man:** _and youre surprised?_

 

 **The tailor:** _I…_

 

 **The tailor:** _you all suck >:(_

 

 **AnActualRobot:** _and you swallow_

 

 **Hunk-Man:** _OOOOH good one Beezer!_

 

 **Brianiac:** _hi I love my girlfriend_

 

 **Sunshine:** _I love your girlfriend too_

 

 **OHMYFUCK:** _wow what a good time to enter_

 

 **OHMYFUCK:** _whatcha swallowing there Lance?_

 

 **The tailor:** _the last ounce of disappointment I have left to feel_

 

 **Brianiac:** _hows it taste_

 

 **The tailor:** _like your grandma’s pussy_

 

 **Hunk-Man:** _OOOOOOH good one Lance!_

 

 **Brianiac:** _is that all you know how to say?_

 

 **Keefer:** _can we stop talking about Lance sucking and swallowing on stuff_

 

 **AnActualRobot:** _why? Is it turning you on?_

 

 **The tailor:** _yeah Keith is it??? ;))))_

 

 **Keefer:** _no I just prefer not to know the things Lance is willing to put in his mouth_

 

 **The tailor:** _it’s a long list ;)_

 

 **Brianiac:** _ew yeah I see your point Keith time to change topics!_

 

 **Dad-senpai:** _id hope youre not putting anything in your mouth like that seeing as youre still in highschool_

 

 **The tailor:** _ok just because we call you dad doesn’t mean you have to actually be our father, in case you were getting confused_

 

 **Dad-senpai:** _too late im the adoptive father to… christ how many of you are there now?_

 

 **Sunshine:** _me, Hunky, Lance, Keith (even though hes your brother?), Pidge and Beezer_

 

 **Dad-senpai:** _right well im the adoptive dad of six teenagers I get to be as stressed and worried for you as I want_

 

 **The tailor:** _fairo good sir *tips fedora*_

 

 **Hunk-Man:** _ok but did anyone see Rampage because WOW IT WAS A REALLY GOOD MOVIE_

 

 

** {Keithy <\----------> Lancey} **

 

 **Keithy:** _psssst_

 

 **Lancey:** _yeet?_

 

 **Keithy:** _have you been to see love simon yet?_

 

 **Lancey:** _NOPE BUT IM SHAKING IN MY BOOTS FOR IT_

 

 **Keithy:** _wanna go to the movies with me to see it?_

 

 **Lancey:** (((ﾉ)ﾟДﾟ(ヽ))))

 

 **Lancey:** _YOURE GIVING ME THE SHAKES KEITH_

 

 **Keithy:** _is that a yes?_

 

 **Lancey:** _YEEEEEEEEEEEEEET TELL ME WHEN AND IM THERE_

 

 **Keithy:** _cool how about this weekend then_

 

 **Lancey:** _as if id say no!_

 

 **Keithy:** _:)_

 

 

** {FuckYou <\----------> Takashit} **

 

 **FuckYou:** _IVE GOT THE SHAKES SHIRO_

 

 **Takashit:** _I have questions_

 

 **FuckYou:** _SO I ASKED LANCE ON A SORT-OF DATE TO THE MOVIES THIS WEEKEND AND IM GONNA TELL HIM_

 

 **Takashit:** _what is God’s holy name_

 

 **Takashit:** _you spring this on me_

 

 **Takashit:** _my old man heart cannot handle_

 

 **FuckYou:** _IM EXCITED BUT ALDO SSVCATRD_

 

 **Takashit:** _ah young love_

 

 **Takashit:** _what movie are you going to see?_

 

 **FuckYou:** _Love simon_

 

 **Takashit:** _youre….youre taking your crush to a gay movie… your crush whomst isth a male also….GAYYYYYYY_

 

 **FuckYou:** _I regret telling you anything_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah so this chapter went away from me but I can't be bothered trying to change it now. RAMPAGE AND LOVE SIMON ARE BOTH REALLLLLLLY GOOD MOVIES GUYS. LOVE SIMON WAS SO GAY AND CUTE I CRY EVERYTIME AND RAMPAGE WAS LEGIT SO FUNNY AND THE FIGHT SCENES WERE BADASS AHHHHHHH GEORGE WAS MY FAVVVVV.


	48. Chapter Forty-Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which the author is too lazy and tired to actually write the confession.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo guys I haven't written a chapter this long in a while. Anyway YES it is the infamous chapter! It's finally happening! Read on to see what happens!

** {FuckYou <\----------> Takashit} **

 

 **FuckYou:** _hi ive changed my mind I cant do this_

 

 **Takashit:** _what_

 

 **FuckYou:** _I cant DO THS SHIRO_

 

 **FuckYou:** _HWTA IF HE SAYS NO_

 

 **Takashit:** _Keith take a deep breath_

 

 **Takashit:** _exhale slowly take a sec to calm down_

 

 **Takashit:** _now talk to me_

 

 **FuckYou:** _ok so it was all easy leading up to getting him to come to the movies with me but now the thought just keeps coming back that he’s going to be upset when I tell him because I’m one of his closest friends???? And he just got out of a relationSHIT that ended badly and he might think im taking advantage of that and even if he doesn’t that doesn’t mean hes going to want to be in a new relationship so quickly_

 

 **Takashit:** _ok first of all its been a few months now_

 

 **FuckYou:** _healing takes TIME SHIRO_

 

 **Takashit:** _and sometimes to fully heal you need help from someone else_

 

 **Takashit:** _as for the other stuff_

 

 **Takashit:** _this is Lance we’er talking about_

 

 **Takashit:** _do you really think he would let something like a love confession get in the way of your friendship?_

 

 **FuckYou:** _….no_

 

 **Takashit:** _exactly_

 

 **Takashit:** _youre doing this as much for yourself as you are for him_

 

 **Takashit:** _think of it like this. Hes always been a romantic at heart, leaving a relationship no matter how shit it was is going to leave him wanting the close connection with someone like he had before_

 

 **Takashit:** _at the very least he’ll take it as a compliment_

 

 **Takashit:** _do you know how youre gonna do it yet?_

 

 **FuckYou:** _ok so I searched up the ending of love simon just in case so I don’t cry_

 

 **FuckYou:** _and ive stolen an idea from the ferris wheel scene_

 

 **FuckYou:** _I just need to pull myself together enough to do it_

 

 **Takashit:** _you will. Once you start something you always see it through no matter how scared you get_

 

 **FuckYou:** _shit I gotta go get ready_

 

 **FuckYou:** _ill text you updates throughout the night_

 

 **Takashit:** _go get ‘em tiger!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so first off FINALLY! I have been waiting to get them together from literally the first chapter so this was a huge weight off my shoulders. This doesn't mean the story's over, I've got lots more ideas to come, but I'm sad to say that I will be taking a small break from Fix Me. The reason for this is because I have a whole bunch of other books that I need to update that take more focus and time. I'm not abandoning this, but I don't know when I'll be back.
> 
> I also need a break because recently I have been absolute SHIT. I've been anxious, I've been sad and I've gotten sick. I missed two whole weeks of school because I didn't have the strength to face the day and not going gave me even more anxiety and so the circle continued. I've got a two week break right now so hopefully I feel better but yeah, I'm having a bunch of ups and downs right now.
> 
> Sorry this is such a long end note, and sorry to disappoint anyone. I'll still reply to comments and I'll try my hardest to get back to this as soon as possible but right now I really need to get away from it. Hope you all understand and hope you liked the chapter.
> 
> ~Pogo


	49. Chapter Forty-Nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys are soft (because I said so)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wasn't planning to update for a while but I needed to rant about pokemon for a bit.

** {Young ‘N’ Rotten} **

 

 **Sharkie:** _Dialga can go ~fuck~ himself_

 

 **Sharkie:** _this isn’t fair I don’t have any reviver seeds left!_

 

 **Sharkie:** _WHY DON’T KECLEON SELL ANY REVIVER SEEDS_

 

 **Sharkie:** _I AM SAVING THE PLANET HERE_

 

 **Hunkules:** _wot_

 

 **Sharkie:** _pokemon mystery dungeon_

 

 **Gaylien:** _which one?_

 

 **Sharkie:** _explorers of sky_

 

 **Goblin:** _lmao have you still not finished that? It was released in 2009!_

 

 **Sharkie:** _well excuse you I had a short attention span when I was younger_

 

 **Hunkules:** _don’t you still have a short attention span?_

 

 **Sharkie:** _not the point HOW DO I BEAT DIALGA_

 

**Gaylien:** _what pokemon are you_

 

 **Sharkie:** _eevee with a shinx partner_

 

 **Gaylien:** _lmao good luck_

 

 **Sharkie:** _BINCH_

 

 **Goblin:** _ok here’s wht your gonna do_

 

 **Goblin:** _go back to treasure town and go at the bulletin boards for missions that have reviver seeds for rewards_.

 

 **Goblin:** _you can also recycle shit you don’t need for reviver seeds down at the café place_

 

 **Sharkie:** _Pidge have I ever expressed how much I love you?_

 

 **Goblin:** _too many times_

 

 **Sharkie:** _well im saying it again anyway. PIDGE I LOVE YOU YOU GODSEND ANGEL_

 

**Gaylien:** _wheres my love? :(_

 

 **Sharkie:** _Keef light of my life, reason I wake, the star of my sky_

 

 **Sharkie:** _you can choke :P_

 

 **Gaylien:** _RUDE_

 

 **Sharkie:** _you shouldn’t have made fun of my eevee_

 

 **Sharkie:** _she’s a smol bab and she doesn’t deserve your abuse_

 

 **Gaylien:** _you care more about a pixelated creature than your boyfriend >:(_

 

 **Sharkie:** _shes more than just a bunch of pixels, she’s my child_

 

 **Sharkie:** _and one day she’ll grow big and strong and beat up everyone_

 

**Gaylien:** _she can meet my torchic in the pit_

 

 **Sharkie:** _are our children going to brawl?_

 

 **Gaylien:** _of course not_

 

 **Gaylien:** _my torchic is going to kick your eevee’s ass_

 

 **Hunkules:** _OOOOOOOOH_

 

 **Goblin:** _fucking wrecked_

 

 **Sharkie:** _HOW DARE! THIS SLANDER!_

 

 **Gaylien:** _hey Lance_

 

 **Gaylien:** _you must be a Magnamite because I’m attracted to you ;)_

 

 **Sharkie:** _!!!!!!MAH HART_

 

 **Sharkie:** _YOU CANT DO THIS TO ME KEITH_

 

 **Gaylien:** ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ _I cant help it youre adorable when youre flustered_

 

 **Sharkie:** _nvhulfifnkdsjbhrf_

 

 **Goblin:** _this is soft and gross_

 

 **Hunkules:** _pure beans_

 

 **Sharkie:** _this doesn’t distract me from the fact that you insulted and threatened my eevee_

 

 **Gaylien:** _fine. I’m sorry I was mean to your eevee I wont do it again_

 

 **Sharkie:** _youre forgiven_ (＾ω＾)

 

 **Goblin:** _soft n sweet_

 

 **Hunkules:** _smol bois_

 

 **Sharkie:** _psst babe_

 

 **Gaylien:** _yes?_

 

 **Sharkie:** _< 3_

 

 **Gaylien:** (X △ X) _< 3_

 

 **Goblin:** _Lance you killed Keith_

 

 **Sharkie:** _noooooo! :(_

 

 **Gaylien:** _shhhhh im alive_

 

**Hunkules:** _wow you guys are really cheesy_

 

**Goblin:** _im getting cavities just from reading this_

 

 **Hunkules:** _im pretty sure those cavities are from all the sweets you eat you heathen_

 

 **Goblin:** _YOURE THE ONE WHO MAKES THE SWEETS HYPOCRITE_

 

 **Hunkules:** _I MAKE HEALTHY STUFF TOO YOU JUST DON’T EAT IT_

 

 **Goblin:** _WHY WOULD I EAT LEAVES WHEN I COULD HAVE CAKE INSTEAD_

 

 **Hunkules:** _THEYRE NOT LEAVES ITS CALLED A SALAD_

 

 **Goblin:** _NEVER HEARD OF IT_

 

 **Hunkules:** _I GIVE UP YOURE INCORRIGIBLE_

 

 **Goblin:** _I KNOW_

 

 **Hunkules:** _wait where did Lance and Keith go?_

 

 **Goblin:** _y’all whispering or did u leave?_

 

 

** {Lancey <\----------> Keithy} **

 

 **Lancey:** _maybe if we don’t respond they’ll forget we were there_

 

 **Keithy:** _doubt it, youre unforgettable_

 

 **Lancey:** _STAAAAAAAHP_

 

 **Lancey:** _youre bad for my heart_

 

 **Keithy:** _really? Cos youre exactly what mine needs ;)_

 

 **Lancey:** _OHMYGODDDD_

 

 **Lancey:** _youre ridiculous_

 

 **Keithy:** _yep but youre stuck with me now_

 

 **Lancey:** _you say it like that’s a bad thing :P_

 

 **Keithy:** _psst Lance_

 

 **Lancey:** _yas?_

 

 **Keithy:** _you WEEDLED your way into my heart_

 

 **Lancey:** _AHHHHHHHHHH_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FUCKING DIALGA THE BITCH WONT DIE! I WENT BACK TO TREASURE TOWN TO GET MORE REVIVER SEEDS BUT NOW I CANT GET BACK THROUGH THE FUCKING TOWER! AHHHHHH! Okay so I have an eevee her name is Enya and a shinx his name is Loki. They're small and soft and I love them. I want to make a comic or something for them but I've got so much to update as it is that??? I don't think I could handle it. Anyway point is I am always ready to rant about these two and how much I love them just ask.


	50. Chapter Fifty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More Pokemon rants, past bullies and a small slice of political views.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, I'm flying in and back out again with this mess.

** {Gluten Free Placenta} **

 

 **Brianiac:** _y’all the ugly cheeto is digging himself a deep grave rn_

 

 **BOI:** _im just sitting back eating popcorn and watching him destroy himself_

 

 **Dad-senpai:** _what has he done this time?_

 

 **Brianiac:** _oh nothing much except FREAKING TWEET HOW HIS SON /DID/ MEET UP WITH RUSSIANS IN 2016 TO GATHER INFO ON CLINTON_

 

 **Brianiac:** _there’s more but like everytime I try to talk about him I get this giant headache and I can’t be bothered_

 

 **BOI:** _yo I get that too!_

 

**Keefer:** _it’s called intense loathing. You hold so much hatred that your brain physically can’t stand it so it tries to dismiss the problem from your head, thus you get a headache._

 

 **Hunk-Man:** _woah, how do you know that?_

 

 **Keefer:** _its something I’ve experienced many times before_

 

 **Keefer:** _namely with a jackass that I went to middle school with_

 

 **Dad-senpai:** _don’t tell me youre talking about James_

 

 **Keefer:** _fucking James little bitch one day im gonna track him down and deck the teeth from his mouth_

 

 **BOI:** _wow alright that’s a strong reaction_

 

 **Keefer:** _I fucking hate James_

 

 **Hunk-Man:** _why?_

 

 **Dad-senpai:** _James was… James was a dick_

 

 **Brianiac:** _OH SHIT DAD CURSED_

 

 **Dad-senpai:** _just this once because I too hated James_

 

 **Keefer:** _he badmouthed me constantly because I got better grades than him and constantly said it was because I was Shiro’s brother and if I wasn’t then I wouldn’t even be there_

 

**Keefer:** _wherever he is now, I hope he’s choking_

 

 **BOI:** _hmmm_

 

 **Hunk-Man:** _what y’all humming for?_

 

 **BOI:** _Keef would you happen to remember this boy’s full name_

 

 **Keefer:** _pussy muncher_

 

 **BOI:** _while I dig the twist on sexuality insults, if I were to search for a James Pussy Muncher online would I receive any results?_

 

 **Keefer:** _I mean you might_

 

 **Dad-senpai:** _James William Stevens_

 

 **BOI:** _thanks! Pidge can I have your assistance please?_

 

 **Brianiac:** _yes but stop being scary and polite its freaking me out_

 

 **BOI:** _I :) don’t :) care :)_

 

 **BOI:** _anyway while I wait for you to do your mysterious internet powers I need to rant more about pokemon_

 

 **Hunk-Man:** _oh god again?_

 

 **BOI:** _LISTEN DIALGA WAS ONE PROBLEM WHY CANT I BEAT A FUCKING WIGGLYTUFF?! WHAT KIND OF FUCKING GUILD IS THIS?!_

 

 **BOI:** _BAD ENOUGH I HAD TO WITNESS THE DEATH OF MY EEVEE THIS GAME THEN HAS ME FIGHTING MY GUILDMATES WHO ARE WEAK AS SHIT BUT STILL KEEP BEATING ME_

 

 **BOI:** _I HATE THIS GAME_

 

 **Keefer:** _bet you regret having an eevee now_

 

 **BOI:** _BOY_

 

 **Dad-senpai:** _im confused_

 

**Hunk-Man:** _oh right, Lance is playing pokemon mystery dungeon and he gets frustrated so he’s ranting about it again_

 

 **Dad-senpai:** _this has happened before? I don’t remember this?_

 

 **Keefer:** _it was in the groupchat we have without you_

 

 **Dad-senpai:** _D:_

 

 **BOI:** _HOW DID I LOSE AGAIN_

 

 **BOI:** _FUCKING FUCKITY FUCK FUCK FUCKKKKKKKKKK_

 

 **Keefer:** _you good?_

 

 **BOI:** _I’ve given up for now_

 

 **BOI:** _gonna go do some small jobs around treasure town to win back my confidence and then go back to beat the crap out of the fat pink bitch and his minions_

 

 **Hunk-Man:** _Lance youre scaring me a little with how into the game you are_

 

 **BOI:** _I take pokemon very seriously Hunk_

 

 **Dad-senpai:** _If we die in the game, we die in real life!_

 

 **Keefer:** _ok youre NOT Kirito_

 

 **Dad-senpai:** _excuse me I’d make a great Kirito_

 

 **Hunk-Man:** _would Shiro be Klein then?_

 

 **Keefer:** _no he’s Agil_

 

 **BOI:** _no way Hunk’s Agil_

 

 **BOI:** _strong cool blacksmith? Hunk_

 

 **Keefer:** _crap youre right_

 

 **Keefer:** _our group’s difficult to place with this anime_

 

 **Brianiac:** _how about you nerds don’t designate the group as characters from an anime then_

 

 **BOI:** _for the record, you would have been Liz_

 

 **BOI:** _except without the weird unrequited crush on the main dude. A strong lesbian who makes swords_

 

 **Brianiac:** _I accept that_

 

 **Brianiac:** _anyway I found James_

 

**Brianiac: {(1) image sent}**

 

 **Brianiac:** _this him?_

 

 **Keefer:** _IT IS_

 

 **BOI:** _brilliant work as always Pidge_

 

 **Brianiac:** _Im aware_

 

 **Brianiac:** _anyway he likes in Florida now_

 

 **Keefer:** _that tool gets to spend his life sweating buckets and dodging alligator attacks on the daily, suck it_

 

 **Keefer:** _just to fuck with him though, I’m gonna send him a friend request o fb and have him lose his shit_

 

 **Brianiac:** _you asshole_

 

 **Brianiac:** _send screenshots_

 

 **Dad-senpai:** _OR WE COULD NOT??? BE EVIL???_

 

 **BOI:** _shhhh this is called chaotic neutral_

 

 **BOI:** _we’re simply watching the evil from the sidelines and not stopping it because we don’t give a rat’s ass_

 

 **Hunk-Man:** _im gonna side with them on this one Shiro it’ll be funny as heck and its not like theyre doing anything WRONG. Keith is simply sending a friend request to an old school mate_

 

 **Brianiac:** _chaotic good_

 

 **Keefer:** _friend request sent, now we wait_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeet, hi everyone I'm major depressed right now. In case any of you don't read my Naruto fic, my girlfriend broke up with me. It wasn't a big messy thing or anything, and we're staying friends. It was my fault it happened, so don't like blame her or anything, but yeah it's a kick to the gut. Anyway so I've been writing a bunch more and watching anime with my brother, it's been a good distraction. Just wanted to give you all something for how patient and understanding you are to me. I may not know who any of you are, but you're all important to me. You're comments and reactions brighten my day and give me motivation to keep going with my passion, even when I hit my lowest points. So thank you, until next time readers. <3


	51. Chapter Fifty-One - The End?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> klance and forgiveness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't touched this story in months and honestly my hands feel all dusty and gross from the shelf it was left on. This is a super short shitty chapter that is probably the last that I'll ever write for this and I'll give a reason for that down the bottom.

** {JamesGriffin <\----------> Red.K} **

 

 **JamesGriffin:** _uhhhh so is this Keith Kogane as in Shirogane’s little brother?_

 

 **Red.K:** _depends is this James as in the douche who talked bad about my dead parents?_

 

 **JamesGriffin:** _right. That_.

 

 **JamesGriffin:** _um why did you follow me?_

 

 **Red.K:** _because I was hoping you’d freak out_

 

 **Red.K:** _did you freak out?_

 

 **JamesGriffin:** _only slightly_

 

 **JamesGriffin:** _listen man im sorry about what I said back then. I was a major jerk and the fact that I even went somewhere like that is unforgivable. Im not suggesting we be friends or anything but I hope you can accept that ive changed from the bratty kid I was_

 

 

** {Keithy<\----------> Lancey} **

 

**Keithy: {(2) images sent}**

 

 **Keithy:** _so this isn’t how I thought it would go_

 

 **Keithy:** _wtf do I do with this?????_

 

 **Lancey:** _well you either forgive him or you don’t_

 

 **Lancey:** _if you do then that’s a very mature decision and you’ll be allowing yourself to let go of the past_

 

 **Lancey:** _or you don’t and nothing changes. You don’t need to ever talk to him again either way_

 

 **Keithy:** _AAAAAAAAAAAAH BUT I ALWAYS MAKE HORRIBLE DECISIONS_

 

 **Lancey:** _I respectfully disagree you made the wonderful decision to date me_

 

 **Lancey:** _you also chose to be friends with most of the group and you chose to be a kickass knife wielder_

 

 **Lancey:** _all great decisions_

 

 **Keithy:** _is learning how to use a knife really a good decision?_

 

 **Lancey:** _your boyfriend thinks its very hot and it decreases the chances of you getting kidnapped_

 

 **Keithy:** _you make a fair point_

 

 **Keithy:** _but Im so???? How do ssocialisefnue_

 

 **Keithy:** _idk how I even made friends how do I handle this_

 

 **Lancey:** _well do u still hate him?_

 

 **Keithy:** _I mean I don’t hate him but I hate what he did to me_

 

 **Lancey:** _do u think youd be able to separate who he is now from what he did back then?_

 

 **Keithy:** _yeah probably_

 

 **Keithy:** _itd probably be a lot of shit off of my shoulders actually_

 

 **Lancey:** _then I say go for it. Like I said earlier it doesn’t mean u have to be his friend or have to talk to him again but ull be wiping the slate clean. Starting fresh u know?_

 

 **Keithy:** _yeah_

 

 **Keithy:** _your such a smart boy <3_

 

 **Lancey:** _we do not tolerate liars in this house young man_

 

 **Keithy:** _shhhhh let me compliment youuuuuuu_

 

 **Lancey:** _hnnnnn_ („ಡωಡ„) _stahhhhhp_

 

**Keithy:** _never_

 

 **Keithy:** _< 3333333333333333333333_

 

 **Lancey:** _I hate you and I hate how much you make me blush_

 

 **Keithy:** _it is my honour and privilege to be have that effect on you_

 

 **Lancey:** _im deleting your number byeeeeeeeee_

 

 **Keithy:** _babe no_

 

 

** {Red.K <\----------> JamesGriffin} **

 

 **Red.K:** _uhhhhh so sorry I kinda ghosted there I had to take a minute and think about it_

 

 **Red.K:** _what you did back then was shit and I don’t think ill ever be able to forget what happened but… I also know that I grew from that and im stronger because of it??? If that makes sense. Ive got a great thing going for me now. I have lots of good friends, an amazing brother and like the literal best boyfriend whose existence is the reason the world spins._

 

 **Red.K:** _so what this rant is supposed to say is that we’re chill I guess. I mean idk about friends but that’s just me being a petty bitch dw_

 

 **JamesGriffin:** _wow ok cool um…. Im glad you can forgive me_

 

 **JamesGriffin:** _im happy for you Keith. It sounds like you found where youre supposed to be_

 

 **Red.K:** _yeah I did :)_

 

 

** {Keithy <\----------> Lancey} **

 

 **Keithy:** _I love you with all of my being_

 

 **Lancey:** _disappears for five minutes and comes back with this_

 

 **Lancey:** _I feel like a booty call but ill take it_

 

 **Keithy:** _rude ass bitch are you gonna say it back_

 

 **Lancey:** _lmao needy_

 

 **Lancey:** _I love you mi caballero_

 

 **Keithy:** _yeah idk what that means is that an insult or a compliment?_

 

 **Lancey:** _mi lindo caballero tonto ~ uwu_

 

 **Keithy:** _now im positive that one was an insult and I just wanna say fuck you_

 

**Lancey:** _maybe later ;)_

 

 **Keithy:** _…..alright_

 

**Lancey:** _wait what_

 

 **Keithy:** _what_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay I'm not gonna mess around here because I love you guys and I love how much support you've given me over the last year. In two days I will have posted this story exactly a year ago and it hits me right in the chest every time when I see how many of you enjoy it and how patiently you wait for more. That's why it's so hard for me to do this.
> 
> Over the months that I've taken a break from this I put a lot of thought into where I want to go with my writing and what my standards are for myself and it put a lot into perspective. I'll admit that from the start I wasn't happy with the work I was sending out, I would stare at the chapters for hours just thinking about how bad they were and how I should do better. Of course there were good moments too, where I would see what I had written and just feel immense pride because hey! I wrote that! People are enjoying that because I made it funny! The problem is there isn't enough good to outweigh the bad.  
> It's because of this that I'm not continuing Fix Me. I feel that if I were to all I'd be doing is dragging around this dead weight as it gradually weighs down more and more on my back. It wouldn't be right to you guys or to me. I don't like this story and it's to the point where I'll open the document to try and write something and all I feel is dread because I know I won't like what I'll end up with.
> 
> It's been a hard decision to make because every day I see more and more of you read this and kudos it and comment and it breaks my heart every time the thought comes to mind because how could I do that to you? But I can't force myself anymore.  
> I'll be leaving this story up, I won't delete it. That would be too cruel and I wouldn't be able to bring myself to do it anyway. This story has been a big part of my life. It's only been a year but in just that time it's seen my good times and bad times, my heartbreaks and happy moments. I've invested myself into this and to just get rid of it wouldn't be right.
> 
> I'm planning on starting a new Klance chatfic, because I'm so imaginative. It'll be different to this one, and hopefully better. I don't want to just give up on what I had here but I want to move on from it. I hope some of you will follow me into a fresh start and that none of you will be too upset with me. I really am sorry, but I couldn't do it anymore.
> 
> I love every single one of you and, even if it's not in this story, I hope to see your amazing comments and feedback.  
> Hope you can understand and forgive me for giving such a lazy chapter as an ending. Pogo <3


End file.
